


Bluebird

by fairytaleideals



Category: Glee
Genre: (but not really), Cute Dorks, F/M, Fluff, Jeff is really affectionate, M/M, Nick-centric, Slow Build, Straight Nick, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-18
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-02-05 03:32:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 74,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1803733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairytaleideals/pseuds/fairytaleideals
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are years in every person's life that stand out to them. They might think on them and say, "Yes, that's the one that changed me forever." For Nick Duval, that year was 2014; the year that he (among other things) got into a car accident for the first time, got engaged (twice), broke up, fell in love, stole a baby goat, dropped out of college, pulled an all-nighter for the first time, got a tattoo, and traveled outside the United States.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. January

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! This is my first time posting anything to AO3, so basically I am just trying to get a feel for it. (Aka, please be patient if something weird happens with formatting or something.)
> 
> Anyways, here is the idea with this fic, which I feel like will be pretty intuitive once you start reading: this is a Niff fic that is Nick-centric, following him over the course of a year. Each chapter is one month of the year, for a total of twelve chapters.

When Nick gets old and wrinkly, he’ll probably look back on his life. He’ll probably look back and the details will be fuzzy but the most important things will still be there, clear as day. That was his hope, anyways. That was the way it went every time he looked back on his year at the start of a new one.

At any rate, when he is old and his hair has gone grey and he might maybe be struggling to remember a few things that happened when he was younger, he’s sure that he’ll be able to say one thing for sure: 2014 was one of the biggest, most important years of his life.

2014 was the year that he (among other things) got into a car accident for the first time, got engaged (twice), broke up, fell in love, stole a baby goat, dropped out of college, pulled an all-nighter for the first time, got a tattoo, and traveled outside the United States.

Of course, he knew none of this as he slumped on the couch on December 31st, 2013, watching Anderson Cooper’s New Year’s Eve countdown show.

“Jesus Christ, Nick, it’s not even eleven yet,” he heard his sister say next to him, and he opened his eyes to look at her.

“Sorry, Lace, I’m tired,” he replied, stretching his arms out over his head.

"Tired?" she repeated, raising her eyebrows at him. She moved down the couch over to him, practically flinging herself into his lap and gripping his shoulders. Shaking him by his shoulders, she went on, "Tired? I repeat, it's not even eleven."

Nick chuckled softly, shoving her off of him. "And _I_ repeat, I'm tired."

"I don't understand," she said, flopping back against the couch. "You went off to college and you got _way more_ boring. That makes literally no sense."

"Sorry," Nick said, shrugging. "If it helps, I go to parties sometimes. But I'm on break right now, so I need the time to recuperate."

"I wish that I believed that, I really do," she said. She got to her feet, going to the kitchen. When she returned, she had a grin on her lips and a bottle of 1800 and two shot glasses in her hands.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting you drunk," she said.

He shook his head. "As delightful as that sounds, that actually sounds like a _horrible_ idea."

"You're never any fun," she said with a groan. His objection didn't slow her down any, as she plopped herself down on the couch beside him and started to pour them both shots anyways.

"I'm not going to drink that," he told her as she handed him his shot.

Lacey raised an eyebrow at him, looking pointedly down at the shot glass, which he had taken without argument. "Aren't you?"

"No," he replied.

She let out a (frankly unbelievably loud) sigh, slumping back against the back of the couch. "Fine, make me drink alone," she mumbled before knocking back her shot.

He watched her for a moment, rolling his eyes as she leaned forward again and made it clear that her intention was to pour herself another shot. "You're not going to keep drinking that much if I don't drink at all," he said.

"I might," she said.

"You won't."

Lacey sighed, shaking her head slowly and frowning at him. "I just don't understand why you don't want to drink," she said.

"Did you know that the earlier you start drinking, the more likely you are to become an alcoholic?" he said.

"You're not going to become an alcoholic, and neither am I," she said, shaking her head. "Now stop making excuses." She reached towards him and grabbed his wrist in an attempt to lift the glass up to his lips.

Nick rolled his eyes at her before doing as she wanted, drinking the tequila. "I'm not going to drink any more of this, though," he told her.

"My baby brother really is no fun," Lacey pouted, closing the bottle without drinking any more of it. "You could've drank with me, it would've been fun."

"I don't think that it would've been, actually," he said, shaking his head.

"Oh, Nicholas," Lacey said and shook her head slowly. She stroked his hair as she continued, "You are just so, so sad and boring, and it hurts me to know that I am related to such a stick in the mud and thus might actually be partially responsible for it."

He rolled her eyes at her and gave her a light shove. "I'm not a stick in the mud."

"Yes, yes you are, you poor, hopeless soul," she said, shaking her head. "When is the last thing you've done something exciting or spontaneous?"

"All the time," he answered quickly. "I mean, it might depend on your definition of the words _exciting_ and _spontaneous_ , but still. I am an interesting person."

Lacey just looked at him for a moment, the look on her face something like a predator sizing up its prey. She then got to her feet, clearly ready to take another swing at getting him to do what she wanted him to. "What time is it now?"

He glanced at the clock, wondering in the back of his mind why she couldn't look herself. "It's about eleven."

"Okay," she said as she nodded slowly, her eyes narrowed. "Okay, yeah, I think that's about enough time."

"Enough time for what?" he asked.

"A Duval decathlon." Nick groaned at the words, shaking his head slightly. Before he could protest, though, she said, "Stick in the mud."

"It's not a decathlon and it never has been, do you even _know_ what 'deca' even--"

"Wow, Ted Mosby, you are literally boring me to sleep," she said, waving off his words. "It's alliterative, it's staying. Anyways, I think we're going to have a cookoff."

"Exciting and spontaneous," he repeated dubiously.

She sighed, shaking her head slowly as she looked at him. "You are an extreme disappointment," she said. " _Anyways_ , the rules are, we're making fudge, any kind of fudge, but you can't use any ingredients that are already in the house."

Nick stopped her then, frowning at her words. "No ingredients in the house," he echoed. "Then what am I supposed to use to make the fudge?"

"If you'd let me finish," Lacey said, shaking her head at him. "I would have told you that you have to run to the store up the street and buy anything you need."

"That sounds like a horrible idea," he said. "Besides, shouldn't they have closed early because of the--"

"For your sass, the rule now is that you're not allowed to use your car. You will have to literally run," she said, shaking her head in disapproval. Getting to her feet, she said, "Don't worry, they're open, I keep tabs on that shit. The challenge starts now, good luck." And with that, she was leaving the room.

Reluctantly, he got to his feet and went to put on a jacket and shoes, knowing that if he didn't at least try then Lacey would never let him hear the end of it.

"She's twenty-three years old, and yet a complete and utter child," he mumbled to himself as he stepped out into the cold night air.

Never before in his life had he been so grateful that his family's house was so close to a grocery store. The path between his home and the store was such a simple, short one that he didn't understand how Lacey could have possibly gotten ahead of him, but he knew better by now than to question it anything she did.

He got to the store and got everything he needed as quickly as possible, in part because he just wanted to be able to go home already and be done with it.

"Your sister just had a similar purchase," the cashier, a man whose hair was entirely white and whose smile was entirely warm and welcoming, said to him as he started to ring up the items. "I'm guessing she's made up another competition for you?"

"Yeah, Frank, she has," he replied, letting out a soft laugh and shaking his head slowly.

"I figured," he said with a laugh. "That sister of yours... A real piece of work." His voice held a fondness, the kind that only came from years of familiarity and a little bit of exasperation. It came from living in a small town where everyone knows everyone and you come out of retirement to work as a cashier at the grocery store just to keep up with the latest gossip.

"Yeah, she is," he said, shaking his head slightly as he pulled out his card to pay. In spite of himself, though, he couldn't help but smile as he rolled his eyes. "That's definitely a way of putting it."

Frank chuckled softly, taking the card and swiping it for him. "Let me know who wins, alright?"

"Will do," Nick affirmed with a small nod, giving him a smile.

"I won't keep you any longer, you've got a bakeoff to win, clearly," he said with a wink, handing him his bag and gesturing for him to go to the door.

Nick headed back out of the store, heading back for home. He felt a bit ridiculous practically running (it was that awkward half-walk, half-run of the self-conscious, really) from the store to home, but he told himself that 1) it was cold out, so it would be good to get home quickly, and 2) it certainly wasn't the weirdest thing anyone had ever looked out their windows to see.

When he got back to the house, Lacey was already entirely set up in the kitchen.

"Hello, sunshine," she called out, turning her head to look back at him. "I got our judge."

Sitting cross-legged on the counter was their brother (older than Nick but younger than Lacey), Charlie, who frankly looked like he had very little interest in being there.

"Promise you'll be impartial?" Nick asked him as he walked into the kitchen, chuckling softly.

"Impartial just like you were the last time Lace gave me a challenge?" Charlie asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

Nick let out a laugh as he started to unpack his purchases and set to work. "In my defense, she totally did win. And also you were being annoying earlier that day," he said with a laugh.

"Which is why I threw down the gauntlet to begin with," she said with a laugh.

"I was so not being annoying," Charlie protested, shaking his head quickly.

"You definitely were," she replied. "It's just the curse of being a little brother."

"Then why isn't Nick annoying?" he asked, frowning at her.

Lacey chuckled softly, glancing over at the boy in question. "Oh, he is," she assured him. "Some days more than others. You seem to have more off days than he does, so."

Nick let out a laugh at that, grinning as he looked back and saw that Charlie was pouting at the both of them. He dipped his finger into the tub of cocoa powder that he had and then walked over to his older brother. He ran his cocoa-covered thumb across Charlie's forehead a la Rafiki, and then as an afterthought said, " _Simba_."

"Oh my god, why?" Charlie groaned, turning to the sink and turning it on, wiping the brown powder off of his face.

Lacey let out a loud laugh, turning to face Nick and giving him a high five. "That was great, Nicholas, thank you so much."

And that was how things went for the next while. They bantered and messed with each other in the no-harm-meant way that siblings did, and they finished up the fudge right about in time for the ball to drop.

They all piled onto the couch, legs and arms laying over each other i a disorganized huddle.

"Ten... Nine... Eight... Seven... Six... Five... Four... Three.. Two... One! Happy New Year!"

Lacey lifted her hands up and put her index fingers on her cheeks, looking at her brothers. "Happy New Year, boys," she said, chuckling.

A bit begrudgingly, both of the Duval brothers shifted over in order to kiss her cheeks.

"Thank you," she said with a laugh. They sat there for a while longer, just watching the now almost entirely pointless coverage go on and then end, mostly not paying too much attention to what was on the screen anyways. Eventually, Lacey nudged both of them off of her and got to her feet, saying, "I think that the fudge should be ready to at least sort of cut now. It can be tasted, anyways."

They both followed after her, going into the kitchen and watching her pull the two trays of fudge out. She handed Nick's to him and got him a knife, then pulled out a knife for herself as well. They both cut off a piece of their fudge blocks, then handed them to Charlie one at a time.

"You know, I'm pretty sure that it would've been better for you to have me do this anonymously," he pointed out, looking at the two pieces of fudge in his hands.

"But then it wouldn't have been as much fun," Nick said, frowning at him.

Lacey nodded in agreement, pouting. "And I wouldn't have been able to ring in 2014 with my two favorite boys," she said.

"We're not even your favorite boys," Charlie said, shaking his head. "Don't you have a boyfriend?"

"Not right now, long story, didn't I tell you?" she asked, then shook her head. "Anyways, stop distracting me. Taste the damn fudge."

He chuckled softly, rolling his eyes at her. He then took a bite of one of the pieces of fudge, chewing it and swallowing before tasting the other. One he finished both pieces of fudge, he gestured to Nick. "Alright, he wins."

Nick grinned widely at Charlie's words, lifting his hand up to give him a high five. He turned to Lacey with a grin. "Sorry, sis, I guess I'm just better at fudging than you."

"You are just so, so mean," she said as she sighed. "And I think you must've cheated. Maybe you paid off Charlie."

Rolling his eyes at them, Charlie gestured vaguely in the direction of his room. "If you two don't mind, I think I'm going to go to bed."

Lacey pulled him in again quickly, giving him a quick hug. "I love you anyways," she said before giving him a light shove.

"Love you too, you insane, insane girl," he said before turning and going to his room.

"Goodnight," Nick called after him as he picked up the trays of fudge and set them on the kitchen table. He and Lacey got onto the table and sat facing each other with the fudge in between them. They cut off chunks of the other's fudge, sitting in near silence for a bit and just eating for a bit.

"So," Lacey said finally, "any New Year's resolutions?"

Nick chuckled softly. "Sort of?"

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Well, that's the attitude that will lead to you giving up in a week."

"I hope not."

"So, spill, what is it? Is it something embarrassing?" she asked. Grinning, she continued, "Oh my god, is it something sexual? Limiting your masturbation? _Increasing_ your masturbation?"

"Jesus, Lace, shut up," he said, shaking his head and laughing softly in spite of himself. "It's not sexual."

"Spill," she repeated.

"I... I don't know if this counts as a resolution, but it's something that I want to do and I'm _going_ to do," he said. "So, I, um... I have this girlfriend."

"You said it wasn't sexual," she interrupted him. "Also, why haven't you mentioned her before? Is there something wrong with her?"

Nick chose to ignore her, pretending that she hadn't said anything. "I'm going to ask her to marry me."

Lacey stayed silent for about a full minute, just staring at him, which was quite a feat for her. Finally, she spoke again, saying just, "Seriously?"

"Yeah, seriously," he said, a small smile crossing his lips. "I love her."

"Oh god, Nick," she said, shaking her head slowly. "How long have you been dating?"

"We met in August, the night I moved into the dorm," he said. "We've kind of been going out since."

"So you've been dating her for less than half a year," she said slowly.

"Yeah, that's true," he said. "But I think that that's enough time.  know everything I need to know."

"Like hell you do," she said, and it looked like it literally pained her to have to legitimately talk down to him. "There's no way that you know enough about her to be ready to marry her."

"But I do," he protested, shaking his head. "You just don't understand, because you and your boyfriend have been on and off since, well, the dawn of time."

"That's not a fair comparison," she said, shaking her head. "We were dating for over a year before we broke up the first time, and not once did either of us even consider marriage."

"You were in high school when you started dating," he pointed out.

"And you're barely out of high school now!" Lacey protested. "I get the fact that your love life was kind of shit in high school, but that's no reason to just throw yourself completely into the first girl to be nice to you in college."

"That makes it sound like I'm a child," he said.

"You're acting like one," she replied.

Nick let out a long breath. He looked at her, shaking his head slowly. "Look, just... Can we not talk about this right now?" he asked. "Can we just go to bed or something?"

She frowned at him, looking like she wanted to pursue the subject further. After a moment of internal battling, she nodded slightly in acquiescence. "Fine. But we're not done talking about it forever."

Nick nodded, knowing better than to expect her to just let it go just like that. "Alright," he said as he got off of the table. He looked back at Lacey, sighing softly. "If you want to look her up, because I'm sure you do, her name is Natalie. Natalie Colette. She's beautiful and I love her more than anything in the world."

He just stood there for a moment longer, looking at Lacey as if expecting her to say something else. She didn't, although her face told him that she might feel at least a bit bad about being so completely dismissive of his feelings.

That said, he turned around and left the room when he saw that the conversation wasn't going to go anywhere else from there. He went up the stairs and into his room, letting out a long breath as he slumped into his bed.

***

As promised, the topic was revisited, though Lacey gave it a bit more time than he had actually been expecting. Three days into the new year, sitting at their kitchen table eating breakfast, she let out a long breath before speaking.

“You’ve been dating her for, like, and this is being generous, half a year. There’s no way you can marry her.”

Nick shrugged, bringing his spoonful of Lucky Charms to his mouth. “Half a year is long enough. I know we belong together,” he said after swallowing.

“Ugh, no,” she groaned, shaking her head. “No, you don’t know that.”

“I might!” he said. “I know that I love her.”

Lacey leaned forward, reached across the table, and gave him a smack. “That’s for being an idiot.”

“I’m not being an idiot,” he said. “You just don’t understand, because you haven’t met her yet—”

“And that’s another thing,” Lacey cut him off with a frown, stabbing her spoon into her bowl of Cheerios. “I haven’t met her, Charlie hasn’t met her, Mom and Dad haven’t met her. You can’t get engaged to a girl that nobody in the family has met, Nicky.”

Nick just shrugged slightly. “You’ll meet her. Just, you know, after we get engaged.”

She let out a long breath, shaking her head at him. “You should still at least introduce her before you get engaged. What if the rest of the family hates her?”

“All of you will love her,” he said firmly. “She’s sweet.”

“Mhm, of course she is,” Lacey said.

“You just don’t get it, she’s perfect.”

“Oh my god, Nick, I thought you were better than this,” she said with a frown. “I mean, shit, sunshine, you’re nineteen. Barely nineteen. You’re supposed to be out getting drunk at parties—”

“You’re encouraging me to break the law,” he pointed out.

“Everyone does in college,” she said, her hand lifting and making a motion as if to literally wave off his words. “Point is, you’re supposed to be living it up at college right now. You know, partying and hooking up with random chicks and hoping you don’t get any of them pregnant. You’re not supposed to be, what, planning a wedding? Oh dear god, no.”

“Lacey, I get that you’re trying to help here, but I know what I’m doing,” he said.

“I’m just not sure that you do.”

“Well, I am. And I am going to do it, whether or not you approve.”

“Nick,” Lacey got to her feet and moved in closer to him. She cupped his face in her hands, rubbing her thumbs over his cheekbones. “You poor, poor idiot. You’re so lucky you’re my baby brother and I have to love you.”

“If you really loved me, you’d be happy for me,” he said, shaking his head and pouting just slightly.

She sighed, standing back up and grabbing her bowl. She put it in the sink before turning back to face him. “Fine. Do it. Just remember this when I have to pick up the pieces after you break up or get divorced or whatever.”

“We’re not going to break up or get divorced,” he protested. “Or whatever.”

“Sure,” she said, turning and leaving him by himself in the room.

He stayed where he was for a bit, his gaze resting on the doorway she had disappeared through. He knew, logically, that Lacey did in fact have a point. But still, he didn’t want to admit to that, especially not with how she expressed so little faith in his relationship and judgment.

***

Nick woke up a few mornings later to the weight of another body landing on top of his. Half asleep, he shoved at it and mumbled, “Nat, off. Ten minutes.”

“Oh, gross,” Lacey’s voice groaned from above him, followed by the sound and slight sting of her smacking his back lightly. She shifted to settle on top of him more, saying, “Wake up, Nick.”

Nick groaned, opening his eyes and turning his head to look up at Lacey. He rolled over, dislodging her and sending her rolling onto the mattress beside him. “What do you want?”

“With that attitude, maybe I’ll just take back my offer and go invite Charles instead of you,” she said, shaking her head. “And you _know_ I don’t want to have to do that.”

“You like Charlie, and whatever it is, you’re probably going to invite him, regardless,” he said as he shifted to get into a position to look at her better.

“I already invited him,” she admitted.

“To what, exactly?”

“We’re going to go see Frozen,” she said excitedly, grinning at him.

“Frozen?” he echoed. “Like, the Disney movie? With the ice?”

“Yes, that’s why it’s called Frozen. Ice. It’s frozen.”

Nick let out a long breath and shook his head slowly at her. “Honestly, Lace, this is why some people don’t like being around you,” he said.

She chuckled softly, grabbing at his hands and pulling him so that he was sitting up in his bed. “Just get dressed, I’m not taking no for an answer,” she said.

“You do remember that I am neither five years old nor a girl, right?” he asked.

“I do remember that,” Lacey replied with a heavy sigh, shaking her head at him as if in disappointment. “But it’s a good movie. I’ve already seen it three times.”

“You—three times?” he asked loudly, raising his eyebrows in surprise.

“It’s true,” he heard Charlie’s voice through the wall. “This will be my third time.”

Nick paused for a moment, just looking at his sister. “You’re literally insane,” he told her.

“No, I’m not,” she said, waving off his words. “It’s just a really good movie.”

“It is,” Charlie interjected.

Nick rolled his eyes at his siblings. “You guys are both children,” he said.

“And proud,” Lacey said with a nod. She grabbed at his hands again, trying to pull him up.

He rolled his eyes at her actions but (reluctantly) did as she wanted him to, getting to his feet slowly. He gestured for her to get out of the room so that he could get dressed, and he did so slowly, as if he thought that 1) going to the movies was the sort of event that required a well-thought-out ensemble, or maybe 2) if he took long enough, Lacey and Charlie might just give up and go to the theater without him.

Neither really happened, if Nick was to be honest with you. He ended up just putting on pants and a shirt that might have been dirty, and grabbing a jacket as he walked out into the hallway, where his brother joined him and ushered him towards the front door.

“It really feels like you’re rushing me right now,” he said.

“I am,” Charlie affirmed with a nod, leaning back against the wall and watching him as he put on his shoes.

“Why?”

“It’s a good movie.”

Nick raised an eyebrow at him. “Is it really that good of a movie?”

“Of course it is,” Lacey replied with a shrug.

“Is that why we’re going to go see it before noon?” he asked.

“Well, yeah,” she said. “And also because the theater is starting to phase it out, you know, get new movies in. And I would be a horrible sister if I didn’t make sure that you saw this.”

Nick let out a long breath, but he decided not to fight it anymore. It was moot at this point, really, and it wasn’t even like he was that opposed to going to go see the movie, anyways. His opposition, at the end of the day, was probably more the idea of being woken up for such a thing than anything else.

***

And so Nick found himself sitting in a dark theater, sandwiched between two people who had seen the movie before and were, of course, the sort of people who liked to sing along.

(Lacey wasn’t a bad singer, and had in fact been a part of the school’s choir for a couple of years until she realized that she absolutely hated it; Charlie, on the other hand, was probably the most tone deaf, painfully bad singer Nick had ever heard in his life.)

It wasn’t a bad movie. It really wasn’t. In fact, it was a really good movie. He would probably (especially knowing his siblings) watch it again, and might recommend it to others to watch. While he would always tell you that he wasn’t a big fan of recent movies by Disney, he’d also admit that Frozen was not at all what he was expecting it to be and that that was refreshing.

What was not refreshing, however, was the look Lacey gave him as they were walking out to go back to their car.

At first he thought that it was just her looking at him and trying to be sure by the look on his face that he enjoyed the movie as much as she felt that he should have. But then he remembered what some of the plot of the movie had revolved around, and it was no surprise when she opened her mouth and said, “I genuinely didn’t take you to go see that movie to teach you anything or show you an example or anything, but since I did… Natalie could be Hans.”

“You don’t know Natalie,” he said, shaking her head.

“Neither did Elsa,” Charlie pointed out brightly.

He turned to look at Charlie, glaring slightly. “She told you?”

“Of course she did,” he said with a nod. “You’re going to ask a girl to marry you and you expect Lacey, _Lacey of all people_ not to say anything?”

“Alright, fine, you have a point there,” he said with a sigh. “But still, I’m not making a mistake.”

“That’s what Anna thought!” Lacey said quickly. “And look how that turned out.”

“I didn’t just meet Natalie today,” he pointed out.

“Well, sure, but you also haven’t been completely hermitted for the past several years, so, you know, you have to give her a little leeway there,” she said. “And she at least had the decency to bring the potential fiancé around.”

“They were engaged before Elsa met Hans,” Nick said.

Charlie sighed, shaking his head slowly. “But Anna didn’t know Hans would propose. You know you’re going to propose. Introducing us beforehand is the least you can do.”

“Look, you guys will meet her,” Nick said, shaking his head slightly. “Just not yet. And as soon as you meet her, you’ll feel silly for ever having doubted me on this.”

“I somehow doubt that,” Lacey said with a small frown.

“How do you know that Natalie is the one? She’s your first real girlfriend,” Charlie pointed out. “For the point of this conversation, she was Hans. But she might not be evil. Maybe. Who knows?” He paused for a moment before remembering what the point he’d been trying to make was. “ _Anyways_ , what I’m trying to get at here is, maybe she _is_ your Hans, and your Kristoff is still out there, waiting for you.”

“A crazy guy with a reindeer and trolls for family?”

Lacey’s frown deepened at those words. “Wow, you really watched that movie all wrong. Kristoff is, like, the greatest. He’s so sweet,” she said.

“Well, be that as it may, I think I’ll take my chances with Natalie,” he said. “Because I’m sure that she isn’t just my Hans.”

There was a moment of silence in the car as the three of them let the words they’d all just said sink in.

And then, “Wait, if Nick is, in theory, Anna, then who is Elsa? Me or Lacey? And what does that make the other?”

From there the conversation took a nosedive into who would make a better Elsa, an argument that seemed to have no real valid points contributing (besides Lacey’s insistence that her rendition of Let It Go was “godly”) to it as well as a complete and utter lack of winning on either side.

It gave Nick an opportunity to take a breath; this was normal, this he could handle. He wasn’t used to Lacey or Charlie being serious about anything, especially not both of them at the same time (not to mention the source of their seriousness being Nick’s actions). This was easier.

***

As much as Nick loved being at home with his family, there was still definitely something to be said for heading back to school.

An hour and a half before he arrived back on campus, his phone went off:

From Nat ♥:  
Hey you. You’re coming back today, right?

He smiled to himself as he read the message, then hit the Call button and put it on speaker.

“ _Already on the road_?” Natalie’s voice came from the phone, and it felt to Nick like it filled the car with warmth.

“Yeah, I am,” he said, glancing at the phone with a smile as if she would be able to see it. “I’ll be at my dorm in probably about an hour or two. I can give you a more specific time frame as I get closer.”

“ _Think I should stop by?”_

“Of course,” he said, chuckling softly. “I’ve missed you.”

 _“Mhm,_ ” she hummed, and it made him ache. _“I’ve missed you too._ ”

“I can’t wait to see you,” he said.

 _“Same here,”_ her voice was a little bit sad, or at least he thought her heard some sadness in there. _“But hey, we’ve got the whole weekend to spend together._ ”

Nick smiled at the thought, nodding. “Yeah, we do,” he said, chuckling softly. “Can’t wait.”

Natalie laughed softly. “ _I’ll bet you can’t_ ,” she said. He could practically hear her rolling her eyes at him.

“I’m just being honest,” he said with a chuckle. “In a totally innocent way, I promise you.”

“ _I’ll believe that when I see it_ ,” she replied. A moment passed before either of them said anything else, and then Natalie said, _“Well, anyways, I’m going to let you go, okay? I need to go shower. You focus on driving, and I’ll see you soon_.”

Nick nodded slowly, letting out a soft sigh. “Alright, see you soon,” he said.

“Love you, Nick,” she said.

“I love you too, Nat.”

His phone beeped in his hand, telling him that she had hung up. He set the phone down, a grin on his face. Any doubt about what he was planning on doing that Lacey and Charlie had put into his mind was now going away and being replaced by the pleasant happiness settling in his stomach at the reminder of how good it felt to talk to Natalie. They had texted quite a bit over the course of their winter break, but between her busy schedule and his (lovingly) overbearing siblings, they hadn’t really had an opportunity to talk on the phone, Skype, or anything along those lines since they had parted ways. But absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.

The drive was long. Or at least it felt like it was. This was the third time that Nick had made the drive from home back to university, but this was the first time that he was going with such a big goal in mind. Something about that made the drive feel simultaneously shorter and longer, even though he knew it wasn’t like he was about to just get out of the car and get down on one knee. It was just the thought of it, the conviction he was now approaching the situation with.

That thought was also strong enough for him to sit in his car for about ten minutes after he got back to campus, sitting with his fingers still curled around his steering wheel.

 _You’re not_ about _to propose_ , he reminded himself. _Not yet, anyways. You have nothing to worry about right now. She has no idea you’re going to do this. Nothing you say will make her think you’re going to do this._

He was startled out of his internal pep talk by the sound of his phone going off with a new message.

From Nat ♥:  
You here yet? I’m in your dorm, your roommate let me in.

And then, a moment later:

From Nat ♥:  
He left, by the way. I’m not sure that he likes me.

From Nat ♥:  
Wait, sorry, if you’re driving, you shouldn’t be reading my texts.

Nick chuckled to himself as he looked at the messages which came in all within a minute or two of each other. The easy way she talked to him in the texts put his mind at ease again, reminding him that this was Natalie and thus far Natalie had been nothing but an entirely positive force in his life.

So he decided to just get out of the car, ending both her misery and his. He stepped into the cold air, quickly pulling out his dorm keys and heading inside.

Almost as soon as he was opening up the door to go into his room, he had an armful of tiny blonde girl thrown at him.

“Hi,” Natalie greeted brightly as she wrapped her arms around him.

Nick smiled softly, enveloping her in his arms and giving her a squeeze. “Hi.”

“I missed you,” she said, nuzzling her face into his shoulder.

“I missed you too,” he murmured.

“Good,” she said. “You better have.”

“I did, I did,” he assured her as he pressed his nose into her hair, taking in a deep breath. She smelled like fruity shampoo and his mother’s old makeup box.

Natalie hummed softly in reply, taking a few steps backwards and pulling him towards his bed. She pulled him down onto the bed with her and they curled up against each other.

“I love you,” he said softly, pressing a kiss to her lips, which quirked up in the corners in response.

“I love you too,” she said, tilting her head up slightly and kissing his nose. She shifted to pull the blanket over them, letting out a soft breath. There were a few minutes of silence in which they just looked at each other and shared a few kisses, before Natalie mumbled, “We’re having reunion sex later. Not right now. Not that you’re not hot, but sex sounds like a lot of work.”

Nick let out a soft laugh, nodding slightly. “That’s fine,” he said, kissing her again softly. “I can work with that.”

And he did. It was for the best, too, he thought, since he had spent the earlier part of the day in his car and right then he was honestly just feeling a bit tired. Laying there with his girlfriend gave him the opportunity to just sit and listen to her voice as she told him all about what she had done over the break. It didn’t much matter that he already knew most of it from text messages and what she had told him she was planning to do before they’d even left for break. All that mattered to him then was the ebb and flow of her voice soft in his ear (and less soft when she got to a topic she was particularly excited about, but that was cute too because she was a little sick and when the pitch of her voice went higher it broke a little bit) and how soft her hair was as he ran his fingers through it.

He wasn’t even sure, really, when or how he started to drift off. Well, maybe he did know how—it was damn near impossible not to be completely relaxed when you’re snuggled up with a warm, pretty girl who had a voice that, in his opinion, belonged to an angel or maybe that was what it would sound like if songbirds could speak.

“…and I didn’t even end up going back for, like, five hours, since… Nick?” she said softly, her voice trailing off and getting softer as she looked at him and saw that his eyes were closed.

Nick made a soft noise to acknowledge her, but didn’t open his eyes again.

She chuckled softly, brushing her lips against his forehead. “I love you, you silly boy.”

He smiled at her words, his voice slurred with sleep as he returned the sentiment. And just like that, he fell asleep, completely happy for that moment.


	2. February

Nick had a good relationship with his roommate, he did. They considered themselves friends, and sometimes they went out together. Not always, sometimes they’d go for days without having any real conversations, but it wasn’t an unamicable lack of communication. All things considered, it was a fairly lucky random roommate assignment, and he was fairly certain that the two of them would end up rooming together again next year.

The boy was also surprisingly understanding and cool with having to make himself scarce from time to time when Nick needed to have some alone time with Natalie. And when the couple didn’t need their privacy, the three of them hung out and all got on well together.

So, it shouldn’t have been surprising to Nick when Bennett had an opinion on his plan to ask her to marry him.

“You can’t propose to the girl on Valentine’s Day,” he said, breaking a silence they had fallen into, both of them poring over coursework. It had been nearly half an hour since Nick had said that that was what he was planning on doing; when Bennett hadn’t said anything in reply, he figured that he probably wasn’t listening or just didn’t care.

“What?” Nick asked, looking up from what he was doing and raising an eyebrow. “Why not?”

“Because it’s tacky as hell, for starters,” Bennett replied with a small shrug, shaking his head. “And besides, not that I’m saying you’ll ever break up with Natalie, she’s a sweet girl and all, I wish you nothing but the best, et cetera, et cetera, but still. If y’all break up, she’s got legal rights to the ring, and sure, what’re you gonna do with it, but…”

Nick paused for a moment after Bennett spoke. He had been getting his arguments up, pulling out his mental flashcards of bulletin points about Why Marrying Natalie Is Not a Bad Idea. It hadn’t even occurred to him that maybe his roommate didn’t care whether or not he was throwing himself into this too young, or maybe he believed in them. The thought that someone might oppose simply because of the day he had chosen had yet to cross his mind. “Oh,” he said, nodding slightly. “Well… I don’t really care if she’d keep the ring. Like you said, what am I going to do with it?”

Bennett paused for a moment, picking up his phone and tapping at the screen. “This is just an idea, but I think it’s a good one,” he said with a laugh, tossing the phone over to him. “It’s called I Do Now I Don’t, and it is probably my favorite website on the internet.”

He looked down at the phone curiously, furrowing his brow as all he saw at first was just a bunch of glitzy jewelry. After a moment, he realized what it was: people who had been engaged, married, or whatever else, selling their rings when it didn’t work out.

“Some of the rings and all that have stories,” Bennett said with a laugh. “It’s the greatest.”

“This is absolutely terrible,” Nick said, shaking his head slightly. That didn’t stop him from clicking through a few of the rings and reading some of the stories anyways, though after a few minutes he threw the phone back to his roommate.

Bennett looked down at the phone with a grin before shaking his head slightly. “Oh, right, there was a point that we were making here,” he said. “Like I said, you can’t propose to her on Valentine’s Day.”

“I think that it would be really sweet,” he protested.

“The only thing worse than proposing on Valentine’s Day is getting married on Valentine’s Day,” he said, shaking his head. When Nick opened his mouth again, he added quickly, “Don’t get any ideas. I refuse to attend a Valentine’s Day wedding.”

“You know, some might say that you’re just bitter because you don’t have a special someone,” he said with a grin.

Bennett just sighed, giving him a hard look. “That is absolutely not true.”

“It seems pretty true to me,” he said, chuckling.

“It’s not,” he said. “And trust me, I’m not even sure that I’d want a Valentine. Like I said, tacky.”

“You’re just sad and lonely.”

“I think I’d rather be sad and lonely than have to deal with a girlfriend like yours,” he said, shaking his head.

“What’s wrong with Natalie?” he asked with a frown.

“Nothing serious,” he said. “She just is… so damn enthusiastic. It is tiring and I feel like to have a normal conversation with her she’d need some Adderall or something. She’s sweet, sure, but just way too much. And, you know, she has hairy toes, which she can’t help, but I have to think that she _can_ help plucking the hair in our room.”

“That was one time,” Nick protested.

“This is just like that time that I got a pizza with a bug on it, and then my brother tried to order pizza from the same place another time, and he said that it was just one bug one time,” he said. “Do you know how many bugs is enough to ruin a pizza shop for me forever? One! One bug is all it takes.”

“You’re going off on a tangent here, Ben,” he said with a laugh, shifting to lay down on his bed but still looking over at him.

“Right, right,” he said. “I just mean, she had _no_ qualms with bringing her tweezers over here and dehairing her toes. It’s just weird. And if she’s so open about that, what is she hiding?”

Nick let out a soft laugh, rolling his eyes fondly at him. “She’s not hiding anything.”

“Oh, come on,” he said. “Everyone is hiding something.”

“Not Natalie,” he replied. “She is seriously an open book.”

“If that’s true,” Bennett said, “and that’s a big if… Then yes, go ahead, propose to her, marry her, right now. However, just remember, you two will have hairy-toed children.”

Nick let out a laugh, rolling his eyes fondly. “I won’t love them any less because of it,” he said.

“They’ll be called Hobbits,” he said. “Or Wookies. Something with hair in unusual places.”

“Those references might be out of date by then,” he said.

“Woah, woah, woah, slow your roll, Duval,” he said, his face having gotten dead serious. “Star Wars will never be outdated.”

Nick laughed loudly, rolling his eyes fondly. “Oh my god, shut up, you’re such a nerd,” he said through his laughter.

Bennett chuckled, grinning at Nick. “But you love me,” he said.

“Nope, I don’t, I really don’t,” he said.

Bennett got up from his bed, going over and getting onto Nick’s, climbing over him and tackling him into a hug, sending him into another fit of hilarity. “You love me,” he repeated.

“No, I don’t, you won’t change my mind,” he said.

Tightening his arms around him, he said, “Just admit it, you love me. I’d say it. I love _you_.”

“This has got to be the gayest thing that has ever happened to me,” he said, chuckling.

Bennett nodded quickly, grinning at him. “There’s no shame in my game.”

Nick’s phone went off beside them, and he gave Bennett a good-natured shove, sending him rolling onto his side beside him on the bed. “Okay, lover boy, get off, gotta talk to the girlfriend,” he said.

“You always choose her over me,” Bennett said with a pout, putting his hand over his heart.

“Oh shush, you always knew that it would be like this.”

“Go ahead, choose her hairy toes,” he said.

Rolling his eyes fondly, Nick answered the phone and pointedly ignored the kicked puppy look his roommate was giving him in favor of paying attention to what Natalie was saying. After a few minutes of conversation with her, he hung up, stumbling over Bennett to get out of bed. “I may or may not be back tonight,” he said once he was on his feet, looking back at his roommate. “Hopefully when I get back, you’ve returned to your own bed.”

“No promises,” Bennett replied with a small shrug. “Your bed is awfully comfy, and mine is covered in books. So.”

“You’re the worst roommate ever,” he said, shaking his head.

“You could sleep on my bed,” Bennett offered.

“Not helping,” he said.

“I don’t care too much about helping, sorry, bud,” he said, chuckling. “I am just too comfortable.”

Nick rolled his eyes at him, turning around to go to the door. Glancing back over his shoulder at Bennett, who was already starting to drag himself to his feet to get back onto his own bed, he said, “If you get so inspired, you could do me a huge favor and find a good, relatively cheap florist in town.”

“I’m not sure that I want to do that,” he said, shaking his head. “But maybe.”

“Or sign up for eHarmony or something,” he said. “Find yourself a girlfriend.”

“I keep getting emails for something called Senior People Meet,” Bennett replied with a grin.

“Well then, there you go, there’s your calling,” he said with a laugh, rolling his eyes fondly as he opened up the door and walking out.

***

As it turned out, planning a marriage proposal was a lot harder than Nick thought it would be.

He knew, in theory, that it probably wouldn’t matter what he did. If Natalie was going to say yes, then she wouldn’t care how exactly he asked, it would just matter that he had in fact asked.

But still, he wanted it to be special. And, just like Bennett had said, he eventually realized that a Valentine’s Day proposal was incredibly cliché and probably wasn’t his most creative and impressive idea ever.

He didn’t want to just get her some flowers or chocolates and call it a day. He didn’t want to sing to her or to hire somebody to play a song for her. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to propose to her in public or in private; for that matter, he didn’t know what _she_ would want.

And speaking of what she would want, he wasn’t sure what kind of ring she would want. He dragged Bennett out to the mall to try to help him pick out a ring, but even with his roommate’s almost amazing ability to dress himself, the pair was absolutely hopeless.

They went to three different jewelry stores, and at each one they arrived at the same conclusion: they were miserably lost when it came to trying to pick out a ring. As far as Nick could tell, there was no difference between any of the styles of rings.

Eventually he resorted to calling Lacey, which, upon him telling her what he was calling for, resulted in a solid minute of nothing but her groaning unintelligibly into the phone. Once she accepted that fact that he was neither going to hang up or give up on proposing, she talked him through what he could look for in a ring and told him that ultimately it would just be a matter of which one felt right and wasn’t ridiculously expensive.

He accepted her advice and went back to the stores to try to find something. He ended up getting one that was probably simultaneously too expensive for him and one of the cheapest rings the Kay had. But still, it was a pretty ring and he was sure that she would end up loving it just as much as she would a ring that cost thousands on thousands of dollars.

As Valentine’s Day got closer, so did a snowstorm.

“We should get snowed in together,” Natalie said to him with a laugh as they lounged on the couch I her apartment, watching the news. “It’ll be, like, a foot of snow, so we’ll be able to get out, but it’s the thought that counts, I think.”

“I thought that getting snowed in wasn’t really something you planned for?” Nick replied, raising an eyebrow at him.

She shrugged, chuckling softly. “I don’t know, I don’t think it really matters whether it’s planned or not,” she said. “No truly romantic moment happens organically anymore. Or ever, I don’t really know.”

“What about how we met?” he asked.

“Oh, god, no,” Natalie replied with a quick shake of her head. “That wasn’t random or organic at all.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “You _fell_ out of a _window_.”

“Because I knew you would be walking by!” she said. “You had a pretty smile and an almost terrifyingly precise schedule, I’d had a few drinks and a little crush on you.”

“No way did you know I would walk by right at that exact moment,” he said, shaking his head. “No way.”

“It’s true,” she replied, holding up her hands to show him that none of her fingers were crossed. “Though I genuinely didn’t mean to fall out the window. We had some friends over, I saw on the clock that you were about to walk by, so I went to the window to point you out to another girl—Lindsey, you know her—and I guess I leaned forward too much.”

“I still don’t believe you,” he said.

She chuckled softly, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Okay,” she said. “You just keep on believing in your _totally romantic_ version of how we met, in which the girl of your dreams is wasted, falls out a window, and pukes on your shoes when you try to help her.”

“It _was_ romantic,” Nick said, shaking his head, “just… not in a classical sense. It led to great things, anyways.”

“Anyways, point is, we should get snowed in together,” she said as she leaned forward, grabbing the remote off the table. “You should come over on Thursday and plan to spend forever here with me. Assuming, of course, your roommate can live without you.” She glanced back at him with a grin, winking.

“He’ll be fine,” he said, rolling his eyes fondly at her.

“Are you sure? Sometimes he seems a little dependent on you,” she teased as she flipped the channel to something else. “He’s probably got a big ole crush on you.”

“He’s not even gay,” he said, waving off her words. “And besides, I’m not getting snowed in with anyone but you.”

Natalie smiled as she set the remote back down, flopping back down against the couch and against him. “Good,” she said, shifting so that she could kiss him. “We’ll have the place all to ourselves, because Holly’s taking a few days off and going home for the weekend to see her own lover boy.”

“I guess I have to come then,” he said with a soft laugh. “You know, just so you won’t be all alone here.”

She chuckled, grinning at him. “I’ll try and make it worth your while.”

***

Part of Nick’s plans had involved not being in her apartment. Actually, all of his plans.

Okay, if he were to be honest, he would admit that even as late as February 12th, he hadn’t really had any plans that were actually set in stone, aside from their dinner reservation, which Natalie herself had actually made. All he knew was that he had wanted to go out to dinner with her and then they’d go for a walk _somewhere_ he hadn’t decided yet, during which he would get down on one knee and ask her to marry him.

(In hindsight, this half-baked plan was even less well-thought-through than he had originally realized it was: it was February, and this wasn’t California or something so being outside for a long period of time wouldn’t exactly be enjoyable or particularly romantic.)

So as he sat on Natalie’s couch looking out the window at the snow falling from the sky outside on Thursday, it occurred to him that it was probably a good thing that he had never really figured out an actual plan to propose to her.

“How deep do you suppose it is now?” she asked as she saw that he was looking out the window again. She leaned her chin on his shoulder, gazing in the same direction.

“No idea,” he said. “Several inches.”

“That was your answer when I asked an hour ago,” she pointed out, elbowing him lightly.

Nick chuckled softly, rolling his eyes. “Well, it’s my best guess,” he said.

“Oh yeah, of course,” she said, shaking her head slowly. “How do you ever win bets, Duval?”

“I generally don’t actually bet,” he said with a small shrug.

“Ugh, I’m dating a tragically boring person,” Natalie said, groaning. She got to her feet, walking over to the closed door of her roommate’s bedroom. “I’m going to get a ruler, and you’re going to figure out how much snow you think there is on the ground.”

Nick chuckled softly, rolling her eyes as she disappeared into the other girl’s bedroom. He got up and walked over to the window (the very same one she had fallen out of several months ago, though at some point between then and now she had acquired a screen), leaning against the window frame as he looked out.

Once she came back out, slapping a wooden ruler against her hand, she asked, “So, how many inches?”

He chuckled at her words, and when she rolled her eyes at him and mumbled something about him being _literally a child, Jesus Christ_ , he said, “I don’t know. Six.”

“Okay,” Natalie said, walking up beside him and leaning into him lightly as she looked out at the ground below them. “Eight.”

“And what if it’s neither of those?” he asked her with a raised eyebrow.

She slipped her hand that wasn’t holding the ruler into his, pulling him towards the door. “I don’t know,” she said. “Whoever gets closer, I guess. C’mon, let’s go outside and measure it.”

Nick nodded, glancing down at what she was wearing. “Babe, you’re still in your pajama shorts,” he pointed out. “And barefoot. It’s cold out.”

She looked down at herself, shrugging. “I’ll be fine,” she said as they stepped out of the apartment, closing the door behind them. She turned around and kissed him softly, adding, “Besides, if I get too cold, then you can hold me and warm me back up once we get back inside.”

He rolled his eyes fondly at her and pulled his jacket tighter around himself (early on in their relationship, he had tried to do the typical chivalrous guy thing and offer to let her wear his jacket, but she had laughed and refused, saying it wasn’t her size) as they stepped out in the cold.

Natalie turned her head up to look up at the sky, snowflakes falling on her and nestling themselves in her hair. She stuck her tongue out, laughing as she tried to catch the flakes. After a moment she seemed to remember what she came outside for, and turned back to Nick with a grin, brandishing the ruler. “Wait, what’re the stakes here?” she asked.

“I don’t know, five bucks?” he said.

“Five bucks!” she repeated with a grin, turning back and stepping off the sidewalk onto the more thickly covered grass. He could see her tense slightly as her bare feet hit the deeper cold snow, but she didn’t seem to care that much as she bent over and stuck the ruler into the snow.

Nick stepped in closer, leaning forward and trying to see what the ruler was measuring.

“It’s about seven inches,” she said, glancing back at him and laughing. “So, who wins?”

“Well, is it closer to six or to eight?” he asked.

She knelt back down, looking at it closer and squinting. “Not sure,” she said.

“That probably means it’s closer to six, knowing you,” he said.

“Not even!” she said, looking back at him with a small frown.

Looking closer, he shook his head slightly. “No… That is absolutely less than seven.”

“It’s not,” she said.

“No, look at that, it’s definitely lower,” he said. “You’d have to be blind to think it’s closer to eight.”

“Go ahead, keep arguing it,” she said. She looked up at the sky with a grin, watching the snow drift down from the sky. “I’ve got all day.”

Nick let out a soft laugh, rolling his eyes at her. “Just accept it, baby, you lost,” he said.

“Not true,” she said as she stood up. “I won.”

“You absolutely lost,” he replied, shaking his head. “It is not even close.”

She stepped in closer to him, placing her hands lightly on his chest. “I won,” she repeated, leaning in and kissing him slowly. Against his lips, she mumbled, “Right?”

Nick sighed softly, shaking his head slightly. “Kissing me will not make you win.”

She pouted at him, saying, “Won’t it? You love me, though. You love my kisses.”

“My love for you has nothing to do with how much snow there is on the ground,” he replied.

“That’s just because you’re not a metaphor person,” Natalie replied with a small shrug.

“That would be a horrible metaphor,” he pointed out. “Snow is cold and wet, which is pretty much the opposite of love. And also, yeah, like my love for you, there’s a lot of it, but there’s just… There’s going to be way too much of it, so it’s not even fun anymore.”

“There’s no problem with loving someone too much,” she replied as she turned to head back for the door. “It’s poetic. What’s that Mumford and Sons song?”

“Also a bad example,” he replied with a laugh.

Natalie laughed softly, shaking her head slightly. “One day, I’ll have an amazing example,” she said. “You’ll love it.”

“Maybe _you_ are the one who isn’t a metaphor person,” he said.

“I might not be, but you aren’t either,” she said with a small shrug. They stepped back into the building, Natalie letting out a huff of air and rubbing her arms as she shivered. “C’mon, let’s get back up there.”

“You wouldn’t be so cold if you had just stopped for a moment to put on a jacket, or, you know, shoes,” he said with a fond roll of his eyes.

“Shh, you,” she said with a soft laugh. She leaned towards him as she walked, giving him a light smack. “I have you to keep me warm. You’re like a goddamn furnace.”

Nick laughed softly, shaking his head as they went up the stairs. “I’m not that warm,” he said. Shaking his head slowly as she lifted her hands and held them near him as one would by a fireplace, he added, “You’re just ridiculously cold all the time.”

“I am not ridiculously cold,” Natalie replied as they stepped back into her apartment. She grabbed his jacket and slid it off his shoulders and down his arms, then set it on the back of the couch. Taking his hand, she said, “Let’s go lay down.”

He smiled softly and obliged her, going into her bedroom with her. He kicked off his shoes and pulled off his shirt (earning a thumbs up and a playful catcall from his girlfriend) before sliding into the bed beside her, tugging the blanket up over them.

Almost immediately she moved in closer to him, wrapping her arms around him and leaning against him. “So warm,” she hummed, her knuckles lightly pressing against the skin on his back.

“So cold,” he replied, but there was only laughter behind his voice so she didn’t do anything about it, just laughed and buried her face in his neck. He ran his fingers through her brown hair, feeling the melted remnants of the snowflakes that she’d been catching.

It wasn’t long after that that Natalie stopped shivering and just relaxed completely against him, and an even shorter amount of time after _that_ that she started to snore softly. He chuckled softly to himself, pressing a quick kiss to the top of her head before closing his eyes as well.

Nick didn’t fall asleep, since it was only midafternoon at that point and he didn’t have his girlfriend’s talent for being able to sleep anywhere and at any time. He just laid there instead, listening to her breathing and occasionally drifting a little bit into sleep before a snore brought him back to reality.

It was getting dark by the time Natalie woke up again, and she insisted on going out in the cold again to check and see how high the snow was piling up. He nearly had to force her into a pair of boots and a jacket before going outside to find out that the snow was up to about a foot.

“We’re snowed in!” Natalie declared as they walked back inside, grinning as she flopped down on the couch to pull off the footwear.

“I don’t think we’re snowed in,” he said with a laugh. “I mean, we were just outside.”

“We can’t drive anywhere.”

“But we could still walk places if we needed to,” he said, chuckling.

“Well, we’re not going to,” she said. “Classes are cancelled for tomorrow, and we’re snowed in. Maybe you know how to handle snow, Mr. I Lived in Michigan Until Two Years Ago, but the rest of us call this weather treacherous and dangerous.”

Nick chuckled as he sat down beside her. “You’re exaggerating,” he said, rolling his eyes fondly at her.

“Just barely,” she said, leaning back against him as she picked up her laptop from the coffee table.  She pulled up Netflix and they started to watch the first season of Scrubs, and a few hours later they fell asleep just like that.

***

When Nick woke up on Valentine’s Day on his girlfriend’s couch with her wrapped around him almost uncomfortably tightly, three things immediately came to his mind: 1) he was going to propose to her today, 2) they were not going to leave the apartment at all that day, and 3) he was going to have to improvise a proposal.

For a moment he considered getting up and starting to make her some breakfast. If nothing else, doing so would not only be romantic but it would also give him an opportunity to think about what he might want to do and/or be able to do within the apartment and the general area around the building.

But then she shifted over in his arms, her hold on him getting just a bit snugger, and he knew that he wouldn’t be getting up soon. Besides, there probably wasn’t too much in the kitchen to work with, so there wasn’t really much point in trying to pull something together.

He stayed laying there for a while, not wanting to move just in case doing so might disturb her sleep. His hands absentmindedly ran through her hair as he tried to come up with something, knowing that he’d have to put in more effort to make it special and memorable now that there were limits on what he could do.

Eventually she uncurled herself like a dandelion popping up in the beginning of spring (a thought that felt out of place with winter still firmly holding onto them), letting go of Nick and mumbling, “We shouldn’t have fallen asleep on the couch.”

Nick chuckled softly, nodding. “That’s true,” he said. “I don’t think we meant to.”

She flopped back against the couch, draping herself over it and stretching out in order to crack her bones after sleeping in the unusual position. “We should’ve tried harder not to if we didn’t mean to,” she said.

“Right, right,” he said, rolling his eyes fondly at her.

“Anyways, I think I’m about dead,” she said. “My back won’t pop.”

“Not at all dramatic,” he commented with a soft laugh.

“You don’t know,” she said. “I could die.”

Nick shook his head slowly, finally moving to get up from his position. He lifted his arms up over his head to stretch as he got to his feet, looking down at her. “I’m going to grab some water from the fridge. You need anything?”

She paused for a moment before answering. “Um, yeah, actually,” she said with a nod. “Could I convince you to fix me up a bowl of Lucky Charms?”

“Yeah, I can do that for you,” he said, chuckling softly as he turned away. He had just gotten into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water for himself when an idea struck him. He brought the water back to the living room, setting it down on the counter. “I’ll get your cereal in a moment, I have to go to the bathroom.”

“Ugh, couldn’t it wait?” Natalie asked with a laugh as she watched him walking towards the bathroom. “You’re going to make my cereal with your penis hands.”

“I would literally pay you to never use the phrase ‘penis hands’ ever again,” he told her.

As he stepped into the bathroom and shut the door behind him, he heard her calling after him, “You owe me five dollars, Duval, don’t you forget.”

Nick rolled his eyes to himself as he opened up a drawer under the sink, pushing a few things out of the way in order to find what he was looking for. When he had gotten there the day before, he’d put the ring box in there, hiding it where he knew she never really looked. He stuck the ring in the pocket of his sweatpants, then flushed the toilet and washed his hands for good measure.

He stepped back out of the bathroom and went to the kitchen, grabbing the Lucky Charms from the cabinet. He poured it into a bowl and then added milk, glancing over his shoulder to check that Natalie was still laying on the couch before pulling out the ring again. He looked at it for a moment, hesitating, before dropping it into the bowl and watching it disappear into the cereal and marshmallows.

By the time he worked up his nerves to bring the bowl of cereal into the living room, Natalie had pulled herself to sit up finally. She smiled as he came back in, reaching out and taking it from him.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, by the way,” he said to her with a small smile.

She paused for a moment, furrowing her brow. “Oh,” she said. “Yeah, it _is_ Valentine’s Day, isn’t it? Huh.”

Nick chuckled softly to himself, grabbing the bottle of water and opening it. “Such a romantic,” he said before taking a sip.

“Can’t help it,” Natalie said with a soft laugh.

Watching her eat the bowl of cereal was more stressful than Nick ever thought something could be. He had seen her method before, how she inspected each spoonful before eating it, making sure to eat the cereal before the marshmallows. So he was sure that she wouldn’t accidentally eat the ring without realizing it or anything. But still, today she seemed to be eating even slower than usual, as if she just knew that he was waiting for her to get on with it already.

Eventually, it finally showed up. Encircling a rainbow-shaped marshmallow, there was the ring, shining up at them.

Natalie frowned slightly as she looked down at it. “What’s that?”

Chuckling a bit nervously, Nick reached forward and took the ring out of her spoon and moved to the floor, getting down on one knee. He grinned at her as he saw the shock filling her face. “Natalie Colette Smith,” he said slowly, smiling at her. “My beautiful, amazing girlfriend.”

“Nick…” she said slowly, her eyes wide and her voice barely audible.

“I love you more than I have words to say,” he said. “And I never really thought that I would find someone who makes me feel the way that you do. But now that I’ve found you… Plenty of people have been telling me that we’re too young, that I should wait, but… I think that when you find the right one, you just know. And I know with you, Nat. So… Will you marry me?”

There was a long silence between them as Nick looked at Natalie expectantly and she looked back at him with big eyes that looked like they were still deciding how exactly to feel.

But then, finally, Natalie set her cereal bowl down (less than carefully, considering the milk still in it) and threw her arms around him, kissing him eagerly. “Yes,” she said against his lips. Peppering kisses across his face, she repeated, “Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you.”

He managed to push her back for just long enough to get the ring on her finger before she leapt at him again, kissing him as if her life depended on it.

If Nick were to be honest with you, he would tell you that the rest of February of 2014 passed by in a haze. When he looked back on it, all that he would really recall was a constant blur of celebratory just-engaged sex, congratulations from friends, more sex, more congratulations, a call with a disappointed but understanding pair of siblings, and of course more sex.

The details, he would decide later on, were not as important to him as he had thought they would be at the time.

Still, though, it was an important step in his life, an important step forward. In order to be honest, he would have to tell you that he wouldn’t take back any bit of it, because throughout that month he was ridiculously happy the entire time, living on cloud nine.


	3. March

As much as Nick wanted to introduce Natalie to his family as soon as possible so that they would get off his case about marrying a girl no one had met, he knew it wasn’t entirely feasible and wouldn’t be for a while yet. He initially wanted to take her home with him during spring break, but she had obligations to go spend the week with her family, and he couldn't hold that against her.

So he did the next best thing: he told Charlie and Lacey to pick a time when they were both free, and he would get Natalie over to his dorm room and they could all Skype. It wasn't ideal, of course, since Nick was pretty sure that there was something about how Natalie's energy seemed to fill up a room when she walked in that wouldn't come across as easily with hundreds of miles of separation. But he still wanted them to get off his back about it, and he just knew that they would love her just as much as he did.

"I'm a little bit nervous," Natalie said with a quiet laugh, looking over at him as he booted up his laptop.

"Don't worry about it," he said, leaning over and kissing her cheek. "They are really nice. They'll love you."

"I certainly hope so," she said, biting her lip.

"They will," he insisted. "I've told you stories about them, remember? And didn't they sound like nice people?" He gave her a small smile to encourage her, lightly nudging her with his elbow.

"Yes, yes, they sound like nice people," she said with a nod, rolling her eyes at him. "But that doesn't mean that they are guaranteed to like me. I mean, my roommate last year? She was super nice. But she hated me."

"I think that might have had something to do with the fact that you apparently were much more of a night owl than she was. From what I understand, you didn't let her sleep," he said, chuckling softly.

"That isn't really a great reason to hate someone," she said with a shrug. "If she had come to me about it, we could've talked it out or something."

"Yeah, I don't know, maybe there was something else. But I know that _you_ take sleep very seriously," he said, chuckling softly. He gave her a smile before looking back at the computer, pulling up Skype and logging in. Once he was logged in, he saw that Charlie's account was already signed in as well, and almost immediately he had an incoming video call from his brother. "You ready?" he asked, looking over at her.

"Ready as I'll ever be," Natalie said with a soft sigh, nodding.

"Alright," he said, smiling as he clicked the button to accept the call.

Nick couldn't help himself but to smile a bit more as the screen filled with his brother's face and then, slowly and with the confusion to technology usually reserved for the elderly, Lacey's, as well. It had been long enough since he had seen them that it made him ache just a bit to see the looks on their faces and how close they were to each other, their sides pressed up together on Charlie's bed.

"Hello, my sweet baby brother," Lacey greeted with a bright smile.

"You have _never_ spoken to me like that," he replied with a laugh. "Don't try and scare Nat into thinking that we talk like that."

"I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about," she replied and chuckled softly, the sound crackling through his speakers.

"Charlie, give her a good shove for me," Nick said, rolling his eyes fondly at her.

Charlie did as he was told, and Lacey made a show of falling over as a result and then picking herself back up. Nick wrapped himself up in the feeling of seeing the both of them in front of him, so normal and real before his eyes, and it took Natalie clearing her throat (maybe the slightest bit uncomfortably, he'd think in hindsight) for him to remember why exactly he had planned this with them.

"Anyways," he said, wrapping an arm around his fiancee's shoulders and pulling her in closer to him. "Charlie, Lacey, this is Natalie. Natalie, these are Charlie and Lacey. I apologize in advance on their behalf."

"It's nice to meet you," Natalie greeted with a small wave at the camera. In the corner of Nick's screen, he watched the small, fuzzy feed from his camera with a small smile.

"I don't know what you think you're apologizing for," his brother said with a laugh. "You are every bit as bad as we are."

"That's just not true," he insisted. Looking over at Natalie, he smiled and repeated, "It's not true. I promise."

Natalie chuckled softly, shaking her head. "It's absolutely fine, Nick," she said. "I know that you can get a little bit... abstract, for lack of a better word."

"I prefer the term 'batshit crazy', myself, but I think that works out alright, too," Lacey said with a soft laugh. A moment passed where the four of them all exchanged smiles and laughter through the video, then Lacey got serious again as she went on, "Anyways, we need to start to get to know you."

"Okay," Natalie said with a nod, smiling softly.

"So, you're a year ahead of Nickster, right?" she asked.

"Yes, I am."

"And you're majoring in...?"

"Pre-Law," she answered. "My plan is to graduate from here, then head up to New York for Columbia law." Her words came easily to her, the same plan that Nick had heard her explain countless times, the same plan that he was fairly certain she had had since she could talk. Or at least for the past several years, much earlier than most other people even started to seriously consider their futures.

(Which was, actually, another reason that Nick felt so good about wanting to marry her: Natalie was exactly the kind of person who liked to make plans, and she stuck to her plans. She had once told him, in fact, that she wanted to marry young, definitely by twenty-five. He was becoming a part of her master plan, and that felt amazing.)

"Ah, so you're going to be a lawyer," Charlie said, nodding slowly. "That's really nice."

As Natalie smiled at his words and thanked him, Lacey raised her eyebrows slightly and she said, "Nick didn't tell us about that." He could almost hear her making some comment about lawyers not having souls, and he was just grateful that she didn't actually say anything of the sort out loud.

"Well, from what I understand, he didn't really tell you much about me at all," Natalie said, and it was just another testament to how patient and truly perfect she was that there was no hint of bitterness or irritation in her words.

"That's very true," Charlie said with a small nod. In spite of how Nick knew that he disapproved of him getting engaged to Natalie, he was still clearly making an attempt to make this more comfortable and positive for everyone as he said, "But I imagine it has something to do with the fact that he didn't think words alone were enough to do you justice. Besides, we can get to know you now."

Natalie smiled softly at his words, a soft giggle passing through her lips. She brought her hand up to cover her mouth as she laughed, and on the computer screen Nick could see the light catching on the small diamond on her ring. "That's true," she said. "So, what else would you like to know about me?"

"Well... Hm," Charlie started, pausing to consider the question. "Where's your family from?"

"Up in Oregon, actually," she said with a smile. "Not anywhere near Portland, though, just to be clear."

"Hey, I went to Portland a few times, it's pretty nice," Lacey said, shaking her head slightly.

"Oh, sure, but it's got that reputation, you know how it is," she said, shrugging.

Lacey nodded slowly, shrugging. "Anyways, any siblings?"

"Two brothers. One younger, one older."

The conversation went back and forth for a while, Natalie easily explaining who exactly she was to his siblings. After a while Nick decided to steer the conversation a bit, getting Lacey and Charlie to talk about themselves as well; even though Natalie seemed to be perfectly alright with facing the Spanish Inquisition, he thought it might make her a bit more comfortable to know a bit more about his background as well, to give all of them a bit more of an even footing in things.

When they disconnected the call after about an hour, Nick had a smile on his face as he kissed Natalie and said goodnight to her, feeling good about things now that Natalie and Lacey and Charlie had all met each other. It was no longer having over his head, and overall they seemed to get along pretty well, any of Lacey's misgivings notwithstanding. There was no outright animosity, anyways, and everything could be smoothed out over the years at Thanksgiving and other holidays.

***

Overall, Nick wasn't really much of a drinker. He found that he had better things to do with his time in general, and for the most part when he drank all that happened was that his body felt too hot and he got overly confused about simple things.

So to him, having a holiday that was celebrated almost exclusively by getting ridiculously intoxicated didn't really hold much appeal, especially not when a guy down the hall from him started telling anyone who would listen that the best hangover cure would be to simply drink more.

That said, he wasn't about to run around shitting on everyone else's St. Patrick's Day. Or even his fiancée’s, even with the knowledge that alcohol made her feel a bit more... free-spirited. Natalie had asked him if he was interested in going out to some big party that a lot of the business students were holding, and as much as he loved spending time with her, he did not love spending time with people making drunken fools of themselves.

So instead of subjecting himself to that torture, he had told her to go ahead and go to the party without him, to find some friends to go with. She did, after all, have a lot of friends, and Nick was fairly certain there was some hidden textbook for girls out there that outlined proper party behavior, and it involved looking out for each other before anything else. He felt confident that it would work out and her friends would keep her out of trouble.

With that decision made, he also planned that he was going to stay in his dorm for essentially the entirety of St. Patrick's Day and the entire weekend the holiday was backed up against. Ideally, the only person he would have to face drunk was Bennett, and he was fairly certain that he could live with that.

He didn't mind the solitude, really. Especially considering the fact that for about the past month, he had spent what some might consider to be a ridiculous about of time with his fiancée. It wasn't that it felt too clingy or anything, hell, he _loved_ being able to be that close with a person that they could spend that much time together and still be excited by each other's company. No, the problem was purely in the fact that he was giving more attention to Natalie than he was to literally any of his classes.

Saturday was spent almost entirely just with one textbook after another on his lap as he caught up on work. Most parties were that night, seeing as St. Patrick's Day itself was on a Monday and getting wasted on a Monday when you had an 8 AM class the next day wasn't what most people considered pleasant.

Seeing how hungover and miserable Bennett was in the morning, Nick decided that he would indeed get out of the dorm that day.

He made a trip over to the grocery store over on Main, picking up some crackers, ibuprofen, and Gatorade before he made his way to Natalie's apartment. He smiled to himself as he headed up the stairs to her door with the grocery bag on his arm, fishing his keys out of his pocket so that he could let himself in.

Walking into the apartment and looking around, he saw that everything was about as he expected it to be: completely quiet and with a few things laying around, since Natalie couldn't be bothered to actually put things away neatly when she was drunk and stumbling in after a party.

Her roommate was sitting on the couch looking at something on her phone, and the girl only looked up briefly and gave Nick a small smile before returning her attention to whatever was on the screen in her hand.

Nick gave her a quick greeting, since he figured it was only polite despite not really knowing the girl very well beyond basic introductions and one night of hanging out, before going further into the apartment and making his way to Natalie's bedroom.

He fixed the bag on his arm to be more comfortable before opening the door and stepping inside. The sight that greeted him when he did so was enough to stop him in his tracks, and if he had been holding anything in his hands it would've promptly fallen to the ground.

In Natalie's bed, the girl was laying on top of the covers, entirely naked. It would've been a fairly welcome sight for him, if it wasn't for the equally naked man laying beside her, his tanner-than-Nick's arm slung across her waist.

And Nick, being far too forgiving for his own good, probably would've been willing to accept something that as a general rule. He might've gotten mad; no, he definitely would have gotten mad, but in the long run he knows that that feeling would not have lasted long and he would have forgiving Natalie for clearly having cheated on him. His mind went into overdrive in the milliseconds it took for him to realize what he had just walked into, coming up with reasons this _wasn't that bad_ and how she could be forgiven: she was drunk, she didn't really know what she was doing, maybe they hadn't had sex, really.

That is, of course, if it wasn't for the fact that both the people in the bed were clearly awake and still... enjoying themselves, hours after they should have been done drinking from the party Natalie had gone to.

A noise fell from Nick's throat, something that wasn't quite words. He cleared his throat and tried again, saying with a bit more conviction and confidence, "What the fuck, Natalie?"

There was a gasp from the bed and the man was quickly flung off of Nick's fiancee. "Nick, oh my god, hi," she said quickly, her voice too high in pitch and breathy the way she only should have been after running a marathon (just like they'd been planning on doing later in the spring). "It's not what it looks like. What are you doing here?"

He wasn't sure what to do with himself. No part of him had been ready to face this kind of thing, it had never even crossed his mind. So he just turned and walked out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him even as a small part of him screamed to turn around and go back, that maybe just maybe they could fix this.

Nick couldn't really remember making his way back to his own dorm, almost feeling like he had just skipped the entire trip back and was just magically there.

He looked at Bennett all curled up in bed asleep, and he set the grocery bag he was still carrying down on his desk.

Slowly, his roommate opened up his eyes and looked over at him. "Hey," he mumbled before turning his face back into the pillow, groaning.

Nick let out a soft laugh as he looked at him, seeing the pure regret and anguish etched on his face left there by drinking God knew how much last night. "Hey, if you want anything that might help with that hangover, I've got some stuff for you in that bag," he offered quietly.

Bennett slowly sat up, reaching for the bag and pulling out the Gatorade and pain medicine. "Thanks," he said, giving him a smile. He pulled out the bottle of pills and swallowed a couple, downed half a bottle of Gatorade without removing it from his lips for a second, then slumped back down on his bed. "You're a true hero."

Nick rolled his eyes fondly at his roommate, letting out a soft laugh. "Just trying to help."

"Nah, man, you're literally a god among men, the nicest person to ever have lived," Bennett mumbled, his voice getting a bit lost somewhere in his pillow.

Nick chuckled softly as he went and sat down in his bed, grabbing a book as he settled back into his blankets. He watched Bennett (or rather watched the Bennett-shaped lump of blanket on Bennett's bed) for a bit longer before opening the book up and starting to read.

For most of the day, the pair of them stayed in the dorm, quiet except for a few cases of Bennett needing to vomit or Nick getting up to get something for him. By the evening, his roommate was feeling much more human and was willing to venture out of the room, saying that he needed to repay Nick for his nursing by treating him to a good dinner.

This "good dinner" turned out in the end to be simply a trip to a sandwich shop downtown, in equal parts due to Bennett's limited budget as a college student and increased sensitivity to foods for the time being. Still, though, it was fairly good, if plain, food paired with good company, and there was something reassuring about that. Just because something he had been so sure about had been tipped over on its head that morning, that didn't mean that everything else had to be, too. And when he told Bennett what had happened that morning, he just said, "You know, I wish I could say I'm surprised. But she _did_ have a bitch face. I'm just disappointed to find out you didn't just go out with the intention of getting supplies to help your poor, hungover roommate. I was your second choice, and that hurts." And that was that.

Nick was the sort of person who liked to think that everything was going to work out in the end, but at the same time he was realistic enough to know that things didn't always work out and fate wasn't always on your side. That day, though, March 18, 2014, it did, and it was. Instead of throwing more time and effort into a relationship with a dishonest girl, he took care of someone who genuinely appreciated the gesture and had nothing to hide from him.

And somehow, having made the choice to spend the day taking care of Bennett (though it made without even thinking, barely feeling like a decision) felt more right to him that he had ever felt about deciding to marry Natalie.

It was exhilarating.

***

Nick wasn't really sure that he was quite ready to actually deal with the fact that Natalie, his fiancée, the girl he was sure he was going to marry, had cheated on him.

He knew, logically, that he should probably try and talk things out with her before he did anything else about it, and especially before he told anyone about it, Bennett notwithstanding. Instead, though, he wanted to talk to people about it. It wasn't necessarily that he wanted to get people's advice or to commiserate or anything, he just wanted... He wasn't sure what exactly he wanted, but he was fairly sure that once he actually got down to it and started talking about it, then he would figure out what exactly he wanted.

His first instinct was to call Lacey. She was always the perfect person to talk to. Except for, of course, when what you want to talk about is a relationship she had never quite approved of. He didn't really want to hear her say "I told you so."

Still, though, there was something about the idea of the comfort of family familiarity that appealed to him, so he found himself dialing Charlie's number. After several rings, it cut to his voicemail message, so Nick hung up and tried again. At about the time he was going to give up and call it a day, he finally picked up.

"Hello?" answered a voice that was most definitely more feminine than his brother's had ever been, and after a second his mind registered the fact that he had gotten a hold of Lacey anyways.

"Hey, Lace," he greeted. "Where's Charlie?"

"Taking a shit, I think," his sister replied, and he could hear a bit of shuffling coming from her end of the line. "Yeah, I don't know. Probably taking a shit. What do you need, baby brother?"

"I just... wanted to talk," Nick replied.

"Mhm," she hummed. He could practically hear her quirking an eyebrow at his tone. "Just called to chat."

"Yeah."

"Which is why you called a few times."

"I wanted to make sure Charlie hadn't just missed it. Besides, why do you know that it was a few times? Did you just decide not to pick up?"

"Touché," she said, chuckling. After a moment, her tone sobered again. "Anyways, though, you're not getting out of this that easy. Something is bothering you. Is it a college thing? A girlfriend thing?"

Nick sighed softly, rolling his eyes fondly at her. "Don't worry about it," he said, even though he knew she would.

"What, there's something that you would talk to Charlie about but you wouldn't tell your big sister? I am very hurt, Nicole, very hurt."

"I don't think that you can say you're hurt and call me by a girl's name in the same sentence."

"I totally can," she said with a soft laugh. "I'm still upset about the fact that you turned out to not be the baby sister I had asked for."

Nick chuckled softly, rolling his eyes at her. "Right, my bad," he said. "But it's been over eighteen years, you should probably get over it my now."

"Get over it? Get-- my word, Nick, you're... Totally distracting me again, damn," Lacey said, clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth. "What's troubling you?"

Nick let out a long sigh, resigning himself to his fate. Sure, talking to Charlie first about what Natalie had done would've been easier, but it was just a matter of time before Lacey would know, too, and she wasn't going to just let him out of it, so he realized that his best option was to simply tell her. "It's something with Natalie."

"Ooh, ouch," she said. "Is it a sex thing?"

Nick couldn't help himself but to laugh. "It's... Sort of."

"It's perfectly normal to not be able to get it up sometimes. Maybe you've just been having too much sex for poor little Nick Jr. to keep up," she said, her voice pure teasing.

"Actually, no, it's not that," he said. "I haven't been having too much sex. Natalie has, though."

Lacey didn't say anything for a moment, and the clock Bennett had hung up was ticking loudly on the other side of the room. "What?" she asked after a bit.

"She cheated on me," he said, the words feeling foreign and just _wrong_ on his tongue. "I walked in on her and some guy."

There was another stretch of silence, this one stretching out a bit longer. He knew that some part of Lacey was happy, the part that liked being right and knew that this was a bad idea and that the relationship had been all but doomed from the start. Still, though, he was sure that a bigger part of her was telling her to be a good sister, to help her brother deal with what had happened.

"You _saw_?" she asked him after a bit, frowning.

“I… yeah,” Nick said, letting out a heavy sigh. “I mean, I didn’t really see anything too… revealing or anything, but I definitely walked in on something that there was no question about.”

“That sucks,” she said.

Neither of them said anything for a bit after that, and he just had to be grateful that she knew him well enough to know that there was nothing she could really say to make him feel better, and quite a few things that could make him feel worse.

After a bit, though, she had to speak. “So, you’re broken up now, then?” she asked.

“Well…” he started, hesitating to say anything. “Not technically.”

“Not technically?” Lacey echoed, her voice going up a little bit, although he was fairly certain that she was still making an attempt to reign herself in for him.

“We haven’t talked since,” he said. “If you’d even call that talking. We didn’t really talk much. I mostly just wanted to get out of there.”

“I can understand that,” she replied, sighing. After a moment, she added, “You really should officially break things off with her, though.”

“I know, I know,” he said, even as a quiet part of his mind revolted at the idea, wanting to take Natalie back and forgive her for her mistake (because it was a mistake, wasn’t it? She would think that it was a mistake, she had to).

“As in, soon,” she said. “I know you, you like to put off things that are hard. Especially things that are conflicts with other people. But you really do have to do this.”

Nick chuckled softly, shaking his head slowly. “I know,” he said. “And I am. I really am.” It didn’t really matter to him that some part of him was lying to his sister, because another part of him really did have the full intention of cutting things off with Natalie and taking the ring off her finger, so it wasn’t really a lie, right?

“Good,” she said. There was a moment of static across the line as she moved, and he could hear her voice quieter, joined with what he was pretty sure was Charlie’s voice. He couldn’t make out what she was saying, her hand probably on the receiver of the phone, but he was fairly certain that she was telling him what had happened.

After a little bit longer, there was another shuffle of movement before he heard his brother sigh into the phone and say, “Well, that’s unfortunate.”

Lacey laughed in the background at Charlie’s choice of words, and Nick couldn’t help but agree with her to an extent.

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s unfortunate,” he said, his tone picking up a hint of bitterness that he hadn’t meant to put into it.

“Sorry,” he said.

Nick sighed, shaking his head slowly even though he knew that Charlie couldn’t see him. “No, I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m just, you know, I feel like I could’ve done something.”

“If someone is the sort of person who is going to cheat, there’s nothing you can do to stop it,” he said. “It’s just better that it happened and you found out sooner rather than later, right?”

“I guess so,” he said with a sigh, even though he was still convinced in his heart of hearts that maybe just maybe if he had gone out with Natalie to that party instead of staying in, this wouldn’t have happened.

“So… I just wanted to make sure that you knew that me and Lace are totally here for you if and when you ever want to talk,” Charlie said.

Those words managed to bring a small smile to his lips. “I know.”

“Any idea when you’re going to… you know, break up with her?” he asked.

“Tonight,” he said after taking a deep breath and letting it back out slowly. “I’m going to do it tonight.”

“Good,” he said. “It’s the right thing to do.”

“I hope so.”

“I know so,” Charlie said. “Anyways, I’m going to let you go now. Eat a good meal, comfort foods, ice cream, whatever you want to do.”

***

He didn’t break up with her that night.

In fact, he didn’t even talk to her that night.

It wasn’t until his phone went off several days (he didn’t want to think about what his siblings would say if they found out) later that he even really considered seriously approaching just _talking_ to her.

From Nat:  
We should probably talk things out.

Nick really didn’t want to. He didn’t want to go over to Natalie’s apartment, he didn’t want to talk to her about what had happened, and he didn’t want to break up with her. At this point, he just wanted to _be_ broken up with her, to forget that any of this had ever happened.

But still, he knew that he had to. And if a small part of him was still quietly holding onto the hope that maybe Natalie had some great excuse or she would fall to her knees and beg for him to take her back and he would have no choice in the matter, he probably wouldn’t admit to it out loud.

Shortly after texting her back and informing her that he would be at her apartment in about half an hour (he had considered asking her what her plans were and if there was a good time for her to do this, but he decided in the end to instead do what Lacey would do and not give her an option—“you owe her nothing, Nick, nothing,” his sister would say), he headed out to head over there.

On the walk up the stairs to her door, he pulled the key off of its place on his loop of keys, knowing that that was no longer _its place_ , really. He opened the door, only feeling a slight pang of sadness at the realization that it was quite likely that that was going to be the last time that he unlocked that door and walked into a place that had until now felt like a second home.

Once again, Natalie’s roommate was in the main room when he walked in. This time, though, when she looked up and saw who was there, she got up quickly and made her way over to him. “Nick!”

“Um… Molly,” he said, furrowing his brow in confusion.

The girl glanced behind her towards Natalie’s closed door, her voice lowered as she said, “I’m guessing that you’re here to talk to Natalie about, well, you know what?”

Nick nodded. “Yeah…”

“Well, that’s good. She’s been a huge mess since,” Molly said, sighing and shaking her head. After a second, her eyes went wide and she backtracked quickly, “But I’m not saying that to sway you not to break up with her or anything. It’s just a fact.”

“Then what _is_ the point here?” he asked, realizing a moment too late that he sounded a bit too hostile.

“The point is,” she said with a sigh, lowering her voice even more. “I want you to go into that conversation with all the cards on the table, because I know that she’ll want to keep some up her sleeve.”

“What cards?”

“This isn’t the only time that she has cheated on you,” she said, glancing over her shoulder again quickly. “I don’t know how many times, I don’t know many specifics, but I can tell you that much. It was definitely not the first time.”

Nick just looked at the girl for a moment, trying to search her face for answers. She couldn’t be telling the truth, could she? Natalie had cheated on him once, sure, but that was a fluke. It was just a bad night, it was a one-off. Even as he tried to tell himself that this was the truth, he could see in Molly’s face that she was being honest, for whatever reason.

He let out a long breath, taking a step back from her as he felt anger bubbling up inside of him. “Thank you,” he said before walking past her, knowing that there was nothing she had done wrong and if he stayed talking to her for any longer she would end up in the middle of a situation she was just an innocent bystander in.

So instead of taking out that hurt and betrayal on Molly, he went and he swung open Natalie’s bedroom door and he couldn’t even be bothered to flinch as he heard the door bang against the wall with the force he’d put into it.

When he stepped into her room, he was faced with a sight that stopped him in his tracks for a moment. Natalie was standing there wearing the same dress that she had worn for their first date. It was white and lacy and beautiful.

But he had taken a fair few English classes in his time, and he knew all too well the symbolism behind the color white, had left annotations in enough pieces of literature about the meaning of someone dressed in all white. _White = Innocence. Purity. Cleanliness._ It was no coincidence when authors of great literature did it, and he was fairly sure that it wasn’t when she did it, either.

As he took in the sight of her, her fingers starting to curl in the fabric of her skirt, he remembered the fact that white had more meanings than just what immediately came to mind. In Eastern cultures, he had learned at some point, white could mean death, and for once he could appreciate the pointless trivia taking up space in his head.

“Nick,” she said, a small smile on her lips.

“Natalie,” he said in return. He sighed softly before adding, “You cheated on me.”

Her face immediately fell. “Nick… That was a mistake,” she said. “You have to know how sorry I am, it will never happen again…”

“Because it only happened the once, right?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

Natalie opened her mouth to reply, and for a moment he was sure that she was going to try to lie to him again, to tell him that it really was the only time, but he could see in her face that she reconsidered it, knowing she was caught. “How do you know about that?” she asked instead, furrowing her eyebrows.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“I really am sorry.”

“If you were sorry, then you wouldn’t have done it.”

She didn’t say anything for a moment, so he pressed on.

“Do you really not have anything to say to me?” he asked. “Just that you’re sorry.”

“I have no idea what to say, Nick,” she said. “I have no idea how to make this better.”

“You can’t,” he said with a shrug. “But I’m just surprised you’re not trying. You’re going to be a lawyer, aren’t you? You’re supposed to be good with defenses.”

She looked down at her feet, shuffling a bit uncomfortably.

“I’m sorry that things turned out like this,” he said, his tone a bit gentler. Even with how upset he was with her, he knew that part of him would never let him get angry at her, would never let him wound her, especially when she was already upset. “If things had gone differently, I could have loved you all my life.”

She took in a deep breath, letting it back out slowly. “You… You still could, couldn’t you?” she asked. “Those feelings are still there, somewhere.”

“No, I couldn’t,” he told her, giving her a sad smile. “I would never be able to look at you without wondering what you might be doing when I’m not there. Once, I could’ve forgiven. God knows how many times… I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“I would be loyal,” she said. “I promise, I would. This… This is so hard. I don’t want to lose you.”

“You already did,” he said, shaking his head slowly. “This… This is over.”

Nick followed Natalie’s gaze down to the ring on her left hand finger, and both of them just stood there and stared at it for a moment.

“Do you want it back?” she asked, her voice just barely audible over the quiet roar of her fan.

“I don’t care,” he said, shrugging. “You can keep it, sell it, give it back, do whatever you want with it. Just don’t wear it anymore.”

Natalie nodded slowly, lifting her other hand slowly to rip the ring off of her finger. She held it out to him, placing it in his palm. She closed his fingers around the piece of metal, her hand lingering on his.

He couldn’t help it. He leaned forward slowly, his free hand cupping her face as he gave her a long, soft kiss. It was nearly as tentative as their first kiss ever. He liked that. Bookends.

As they pulled back, she whispered, “I love you.”

With a sigh, he replied, “Goodbye, Natalie.”

He turned around and walked out of the room, slipping the ring into his pocket as he left her apartment for the last time ever.


	4. April

Going to college was hard.

It's not like this was news to Nick, of course it wasn't. He had spent years and years preparing for college, and he'd worked harder than he ever should've had to to get into a good university. Once he was there, he immediately started taking classes that required a lot of his time, and with his habit of becoming a bit of a perfectionist, he put more into it than a lot of other people did.

And for the most part, that wasn't a problem for him. He knew how to manage his time enough that he could have fun as well as getting good grades.

In the wake of finding out his girlfriend had – repeatedly – cheated on him and subsequently breaking up with his girlfriend, though, he was finding it a whole lot less... worthwhile.

Getting up in the morning every day was hard. Focusing during class and then going back over his notes and reading the chapter on what he'd learned in class was just ridiculously tedious. With every word he read, the louder the voice in his head asking what he was gaining by doing this was. _(There is a strong positive linear relationship between amount of time spent studying and the desire to throw all textbooks out the window.)_

Along with the fact that he was increasingly certain that he was gaining nothing by sticking around and religiously attending his classes, there was another thing making his daily life difficult: Natalie.

It wasn’t like he was attending a ridiculously tiny school, but sometimes nowadays it was starting to feel like it was, considering how frequently he ran into Natalie, or how often someone gave him a pitying look just because they had heard about the breakup. It was exhausting, and as much as Nick had used to want to be recognized around campus, the reputation he had gotten made him wish he had gone to a huge university instead.

Whenever he passed by Natalie on his way to class or wherever else, she would give him a smile and she would try to meet his eyes, but it was just something he didn’t think that he could handle, especially not so soon after. If he let himself appreciate her smile, the one that he had once been convinced could probably end wars, then he would fall back under her spell no matter how much he or anyone else tried to logic with him.

In an attempt to avoid her as much as possible, Nick started to spend more time in the room and participating in things that he knew Natalie would have no interest in (although this sometimes meant that he ended up at events he, too, had no interest in, such as the beekeeping club’s party to celebrate the beginning of spring). It helped him that he knew what Natalie’s schedule looked like, since he had put so much effort before into making sure that they could find time to see each other.

“You’re living a pretty boring life now,” his friend Will said out of the blue one afternoon, looking over the screen of his laptop in a way that made it clear that he would rather be doing anything but working on an important assignment with an imminent due date, even if that was the express reason for their meet up at the coffeehouse.

“Sorry,” he replied, not sure of what else he could say.

“Apologize to yourself, bro,” he replied with a small shrug. He closed the lid on his laptop, flopping back against the back of his chair. “I’m just observing. It’s pretty sad, to be honest with you.”

“It’s not like there’s much I can do about it,” he said. “I’m getting out and doing things.”

“Boring things,” Will said.

“Thanks,” he deadpanned. If nothing else, he could always count on those close to him to be brutally honest when it was necessary.

“I’m just saying, you’re about as free right now as you have been since you first got here,” he said. “Hours away from your parents, no girlfriend slash fiancée holding you back… You should do something.”

“Like what?”

And that was how Nick ended up going to his first real college party.

When Will first suggested it, he flat out turned him down. He hated drunk people, he didn’t enjoy getting drunk, and not enough time had passed for him to be able to enjoy the irony of trying to get over the breakup with Natalie by involving himself in the same thing that had marked the beginning of the end for them. But after a bit of badgering, he agreed.

Stepping into the dark room, Nick blinked his eyes, trying to adapt to be able to see where he was going. Will was holding his arm, dragging him along between the haphazardly moving partygoers.

“Drink this,” Will said to him when they came to a stop, pouring beer into a red plastic cup and handing it to him.

He looked down at it and frowned, shaking his head. “I don’t think that that is a good idea,” he said.

“It’s absolutely a good idea,” he replied, taking his arm again and trying to guide the cup up to his lips.

Reluctantly, Nick decided to take a sip. When Will lifted his hand to hold the cup in place, that sip turned into downing all of it in one go.

“That’s more like it!” his friend said with a grin, slapping him on the shoulder before turning to get him another drink.

“No, one was enough,” he said, shaking his head and refusing the offered cup. Before long, though, he was somehow finagled into taking it and drinking from it.

“One is never enough.”

“That is absolutely not true,” he said, leaning in closer so that he could better talk to him.

“It is,” Will insisted, shaking his head and gesturing for him to drink. “Especially not when you’re trying to get over your girlfriend.”

“I’m already over her,” he said, shaking his head.

“You’re totally not,” he said. He looked at something over Nick’s shoulder, raising his eyebrows and chuckling. “But okay, if you’re over her, look over there.”

Nick turned around to look, and sure enough there was Natalie standing there, one of her friends on one side of her while she appeared to be more focused on some guy that he had never seen before. There was a bright smile on her lips as she laughed and even across the room he could just hear the way it sounded. She had clearly been drinking, her body bent slightly as she wobbled and leaned into the stranger. He had to force himself to ignore the way his heart started to beat a little harder as he noticed it; this was completely beyond him now, she wasn’t his problem anymore.

In spite of his best efforts, Will must’ve seen right through him, because the other boy just laughed and clapped him on his back. “Drink up. You’ll feel better,” he said.

Reluctantly, Nick brought the cup to his lips and drank its contents. And when he was done with that drink, he willingly took another when Will offered it. When another coed with red hair and even redder lipstick came by and took his hand, he found himself willing to dance with her and drink with her.

Before long, he had almost entirely forgotten about seeing Natalie.

Instead, he was focused on the way the girl—Liz, her name was Liz—the way Liz’s eyes were somehow managing to sparkle in the low light, something like trouble dancing in them. Her fingers were in his hair as they danced, and she was saying nice things into his ear.

He wasn’t sure what time it was, really. He wasn’t sure what time was, as a concept, and he wasn’t sure how many drinks he had had and _what_ those drinks had been. All he really knew was that he was about ready to bring Liz somewhere more quiet and let her continue to stain his lips red with hers.

That was, of course, until he saw Natalie again, this time hanging off of a completely different guy.

“Hey,” he heard a voice shout, realizing belatedly that it was his own voice. He let go of Liz, just conscious of his own actions enough to turn back to her and tell her that he would be right back. He made his way over to Natalie (much more gracefully in his head than in real life), pulling her away from the guy. “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

She looked surprised, raising her eyebrows at him. “Nick?” she asked. “What’re you doing here?”

“I _was_ having fun, bitch,” he said, his word slurred even to his own ears. “Till I saw you. All bitchy and shit.”

“I’m not doing anything to you,” she said, shaking her head. He couldn’t help himself but to notice how well-composed she was. Once, he would’ve admired that about her. In that moment, though, it felt like nothing but a personal attack on him.

“Yeah, you are,” he shot back. “You broke my heart!”

“I thought we were past this.”

“Maybe you are,” he yelled, shaking his head. He took a step forward, wobbling a bit before stopping. “But I’m not. You fucking ruined my life.”

She opened her mouth to reply, and looking back Nick wasn’t sure if she actually said anything or if she was cut off by Will coming over and pulling him away. Hell, as far as he was aware, the conversation may have gone on longer than that; he really wasn’t sure about most of the details. Either way, though, the next thing he knew he was being dragged away, out of the room, and back to his dorm room.

Will deposited him back in his bed with Bennett to look after him, and he slept peacefully there until the early morning hour when his body decided that it was about time he faced the ramifications of all the drinking he had done.

After puking what felt like more than his stomach could possibly hold and dry heaving more after that, he slumped back into his bed. Glancing across the room, he could see that Bennett was already up (still up?), watching him. “Good night?” he asked.

“It was,” he mumbled, rubbing his hand over his face. “Not a good morning, though.”

“I’ll bet,” his roommate said, nodding. “You were pretty shitfaced.”

“Yeah,” he said, at a loss for any other words to say.

Luckily, Bennett seemed to understand without needing to be told that Nick wasn’t feeling up to talking or even really being awake. He laid back against his bed, looking at his phone as Nick flipped his pillow over his head.

***

That evening, Nick was feeling a lot more human, thanks in no small part to Bennett, who had returned the favor of taking care of him through his hangover.

“So, no more parties for you?” Bennett asked him, chuckling softly.

“Absolutely not,” he said. “I don’t think I’m cut out for it.”

He shrugged at that. “You apparently were pretty good until you weren’t.”

“I was feeling great until I saw Natalie,” he said with a sigh, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. “I just need to escape her.”

“That’ll be tough,” Bennett said, sighing softly. “Not impossible, but definitely tough.”

“I know,” he said, running his fingers through his hair. “I just wish that it was easier than this.”

“It’s a breakup,” he offered with a small shrug. “It’s not exactly supposed to be easy.”

“I was going to _marry_ her,” he said with a groan. “It’s worse than just having her cheat on me. It’s that, and it’s just embarrassing as hell.”

“It could be worse,” his roommate said. He waited for a moment, expecting some sort of example or something of how he could be worse off, but none came.

They sat in silence for a while, Nick closing his eyes and drifting off a bit before saying, “I just don’t even want to be here anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“Here,” he said, making a gesture towards everything around them. “This room right here is pretty much the only place on campus I feel totally comfortable and relaxed.”

“That’s no good,” he said. “I’d hate that. Especially since my side of the room is so dirty.” He let out a soft laugh, and that seemed to signal the end of the conversation. Nick was sure that if he wanted to, Bennett would have been willing to continue to talk about it, to sort through what he was feeling and what he wanted to do about any of it. But, he decided, that was something to be done on another day.

Once he had the thought in his mind, though, it was hard to let go of: he really was no longer happy where he was. College wasn’t turning out to be what he had wanted it to, and while he knew that he couldn’t very well get by in life without some sort of higher education, he just… really didn’t want to be doing it right then.

Thus began a long series of phone calls with his parents and late night conversations with Bennett and assorted other friends that he had on campus. While at first everyone he knew was surprised and a bit concerned with his sudden change of heart, they started to slowly come around to the idea of Nick leaving and going back home.

It wasn’t ideal, he knew that it wasn’t. It was running away, of course it was, and some part of him knew that it was quite likely that if all of this with Natalie had never happened, if he had never even met Natalie, chances were good that he would be perfectly content to stay. It was kind of cheating to just leave when things got a little bit tough.

But he couldn’t make himself stay.

So, once he had made the proper arrangements with his family and with the university itself, he started to pack up his things. As long as he promised that he would indeed get at least a Bachelor’s, his parents were alright with him picking up and heading back home. Bennett didn’t complain about getting the room to himself, though when Nick started gathering his things he got a bit teary and insisted they kept in touch.

Walking out one last time after a long, firm hug with his now former roommate, Nick had to force himself to not change his mind and stay. Something told him he was making the right decision.

***

Stepping out of his car when he got back home, he almost instantly had an armful of his sister who had run out of the house to meet him.  
  
"Baby brother!" Lacey singsonged in greeting, wrapping her arms around him tightly and rocking side to side.  
  
"Hey, Lace," he said, chuckling softly as he hugged her in return.  
  
"I missed you!" she said, squeezing him before loosening her grip enough that she could lean back and look at him. "My baby, all finished with college."  
  
"I'm not finished, I just... I'm taking a break," he said. "I'm going to go back. Well, maybe not there. I don't know."  
  
"No hurry, though, alright?" she said, giving him a smile. She let go of him, moving to his car to grab some of his things. "I like having you around."  
  
Nick gave her a smile, picking up his bags and heading for the door. Going inside, he barely had time to set down what he was carrying before he went through a series of hugs from first Charlie and then his parents, each welcoming him home.  
  
"How was the drive, son?" his father asked him, clapping him on the back.  
  
"It was alright," he said. "Not too much traffic."  
  
"That's good," he said. "I was worried, since things get a bit backed up this time of day."  
  
"But you definitely made good time," his mother said, sighing into his ear as she held him tightly against his chest.  
  
"At least you didn't get a speeding ticket this time," Charlie said with a grin, making Lacey chuckle quietly behind him.  
  
Just like normal.  
  
They all helped Nick to bring his things in, setting things up so that he could settle back into the house before piling into a car and heading out to dinner.  
  
Sitting snugly between Charlie and Lacey in their booth at dinner, it felt to Nick almost like he was a kid again. He knew he wasn't, he knew that they were all adults living their own lives and he had dropped out of college and Charlie probably wouldn't stay in town long. But none of that really mattered in that moment, because he was just enjoying a meal with his family. Hell, none of them even said anything about why exactly Nick was there, or asked anything about Natalie. He knew it was coming; if nothing else, Lacey wouldn't be able to handle not talking about it for long.  
  
But still, it felt good to just sit and laugh with them. They picked fun at each other and no one got upset and no one looked at Nick with pity or judgment or some weird mix of the two.  
  
Splitting a brownie sundae with his brother and sister with his mother occasionally stealing spoonfuls, he knew that he had made the right decision.  
  
***  
  
One thing that Nick always forgot when he spent any amount of time away from Lacey was how much of an interesting person she was to have in his life.

Several years ago, he could remember her coming down the stairs with a handful of cut out paper stars, asking him to glue them to her back so that she could get an interesting tan line from them. She had once picked him up from school and informed him that they were going to the animal shelter because she had seen some really cute kittens online; two hours later, they were going home with an eight year old mutt who slept at the foot of her bed and howled at night.

Almost his entire life could be marked by things like this, little adventures and strange stories that Lacey had dragged him into. Just since he had returned home from college, he had been to two different zoos and went out for coffee at two in the morning (multiple times). In a way, Nick knew that things like this were, in part, Lacey’s way of trying to provide support for him; so of course she would be going a bit overboard right then.

It really shouldn’t have come to him as a surprise, then, when she came into his room carrying a big suitcase, saying, “I want to see the ocean.”

“What?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

She laid the suitcase down on his bed, throwing it open to show that it was empty before flopping herself back against the bed as well. “We’re going on a road trip.”

“We are?”

“Yes, we are,” she said. “I want to go see the ocean.”

“That is a pretty big suitcase for just a trip to go see the ocean,” he replied, eyeing it suspiciously. Even if the both of them were sharing the suitcase like they had done when they were kids, it was still bigger than he would’ve deemed necessary.

Lacey shrugged, looking at the suitcase. “It’s not _that_ big,” she said. “And you’re going to need it.”

He felt like he was playing a game of twenty questions, and none of her answers were really helping him to get anywhere. “Why?”

“Because, my beautiful, sweet little brother,” she said, giving him a smile. “You dropped out of college. You need to have an adventure, or it won’t be worth it.”

Nick opened his mouth to reply, to offer her some sort of protest, but she saw it coming and continued before he had the chance.

“We’re going out west,” she said. “You know what happens out west? Soul searching, that’s what. You need to get out of the rut of a life you have been living for _years_ , because it is clearly not working for you.”

“Lace, not everyone is you,” he said, shaking his head. “Some people are alright with living somewhat plain lives.”

“But you’re not,” she said quickly, getting to her feet. “You and I are way more alike than a lot of people like to think. We’re passionate. We don’t do things by halves. I know you, my little Tesla, and you need to do something you’ve never done before. Something new and unfamiliar and life-affirming.”

“You are absolutely out of your mind,” he said, shaking his head.

“Except for how I’m not,” she said, shaking her head. She stepped in closer to him, putting her hands on his shoulders and tipping her chin down slightly to meet his eyes. “Nick. I’m offering you an adventure. You’re not the kind of guy to micromanage things, but you do like to have plans. You need a departure from that.”

“I really don’t.”

“Both Charlie and I think you do,” she said, shaking her head. “You need to get out of here and have some fun and soak up some hot California sun. When Charlie suggests something fun, you know that things are much to serious.”

Nick laughed softly and rolled her eyes at her, but she seemed to take that as a good sign.

His sister smiled at him, patting the suitcase before turning and heading towards the door. “That suitcase is right there if you decide you need it.”

***

The next few days were spent with Charlie and Lacey tag teaming him about taking the road trip. The more they talked about it, the more he was coming to the conclusion that they weren’t going to let up about it.

So eventually he picked up the suitcase again, starting to grab clothes from his dresser and tossing them into the bag.

“How long do you think we’re going to be gone?” he had asked Lacey.

Her only reply had been, “As long as it takes, Nick.”

As mysterious and a little ominous as that sounded, he knew that this was just part of what Lacey was all about: she liked to leave things up to fate, so to speak, and planning a definite end date on something when there didn’t _need_ to be one was something that she hated doing.

In the end, he practically threw every article of clothing he had ever owned and still liked into his luggage, plenty of things for different sorts of occasions; he didn’t know how long he would be gone, and he didn’t know what he would be up to while he was gone, so he figured that it wouldn’t hurt to be a bit over prepared.

When he finally told Lacey that his bag was packed and he was ready to go, Charlie gave him a long, lingering hug.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t approve of,” his older brother mumbled into his ear as he squeezed him tightly.

“You’re not coming with us?” he asked.

Charlie shook his head, sighing. “I would if I could,” he said. “But I should probably be heading home sometime soon.”

“I understand,” he said with a small nod.

“And, you know, who knows when I would even be back?” he added, laughing softly.

Nick laughed with him, shrugging. “That’s definitely a fair point,” he said, glancing towards where Lacey was loading up the back of her trunk with their suitcases and some pillows and blankets. “I worry that she might be planning on never coming back.”

“Oh, she’ll come back,” Charlie replied and chuckled. “Her boyfriend knows where to find her here.”

“True,” he said. He laughed softly, leaning forward and pulling his brother in for another quick hug.

Lacey was making her way back over to the pair, laughing softly. “Hey, you kids,” she said. “Parting is such sweet sorrow, right?”

Nick rolled his eyes at her, looking back at Charlie and saying a quick goodbye before walking with Lacey out to the car. He got in the passenger seat, buckling himself in as she turned up the radio and rolled down the windows.

Making the drive from the east coast to the west coast was exactly the way road trips always seemed to go in the movies. There were stops at gas stations to buy snacks, there was singing and laughing and hands hanging out the windows to feel the wind buffing their skin. They took turns driving, letting the other sleep for a few hours.

The only times they were both awake besides switching off and eating was when they’d cross a state line. It usually went something like:

“Nicholas, guess what!”

“Ungh?”

“That’s right, we’re in Texas!”

“Great.”

At which point the blanket was pulled back up and whoever wasn’t driving went back to sleep.

Lacey was driving when they got into California, and though she had been driving for a while, the excitement that came with nearing their destination allowed her to keep going without any trouble. They were both awake for the final stretch, as the signs for Pasadena counted down to fewer and fewer miles.

“Are you excited?” she asked with a soft laugh, glancing over at him.

“Yeah, I guess so,” he answered.

“Great,” she said. “I’m sure you’re going to love it here. Remember when I ran off to San Fran a couple of years back? I stopped in Pasadena for a bit, too. Really nice place.”

Nick nodded, giving her a smile as she looked over at him again. “Do you have any sort of plan for us while we’re here?” he asked, though he was fairly certain that he knew the answer already.

“Not even slightly,” she replied, grinning brightly and clearly happy with herself.

“Wonderful.”

“It _is_ wonderful,” she said. “There is something just amazingly freeing and fun about not having to do anything. You can do whatever the hell you want to, you champion, you don’t have to worry about doing anything in particular.”

With that said, she turned the music up and started to sing along again and gestured for him to do the same, leaving him with her words to think on.

“Do we have a place to stay?” he asked her after a bit longer, as they had begun to drive into Pasadena.

“We do indeed,” she said, nodding. “I had to at least plan that much. I’m surprised it took you this long to ask.”

Nick chuckled softly, shrugging. “I didn’t really think too much into it.”

“I made sure it’s a good place, too. Looked at a bunch of reviews,” Lacey explained, grabbing her phone and reaching it out towards him. “It should be up in one of my tabs.”

He took the phone and looked at the hotel, raising his eyebrows as he saw how extravagant it looked from the pictures he managed to load. He didn’t get much more of a chance to look at it before she needed him to read the instructions to get there to her, and he wasn’t too worried about it, anyways.

Pulling into the parking lot, he could see that it absolutely was the sort of place that Lacey had probably spent far too much money on.

“I got us a suite,” she explained as she pulled her suitcase out of the trunk. Winking at him, she added, “Separate bedrooms, you know, for privacy.”

Nick rolled his eyes at her as he stepped forward to pull out his suitcase as well, shutting the trunk before following after her to check in and get their keys.

Going into the hotel suite and setting down his things, he couldn’t help himself but to feel a bit hopeful for the trip. If nothing else, he could at least have a pretty good view sitting on the patio of their suite. Overall, though, it felt good. He had a feeling in him that this was going to be good.

***

California was different. It was hot and it wasn't pouting down rain like it was back home. The people there wore sunglasses and shorts and it didn't feel like they were just stretching out their limbs after the long winter like everyone else back home.  
  
At first, Nick stuck to clinging to Lacey like a lost puppy. This was probably the farthest he had ever been from home, and she had always been more of an adventurer than he had.  
  
But eventually she sent him off on his own, telling him that this was a journey for his own freedom and he couldn't accomplish that if he was with her all the time. So while they mostly met up for meals and at night and sometimes doing things during the day, Nick had also begun to go out and do things on his own.  
  
Which is how he ended up standing in the right place at the right time: at a bus stop in downtown Pasadena when his phone rang and a man about his age came and sat down on the bench, almost simultaneously.  
  
He looked down at his phone, seeing that it was Natalie calling and ignoring it.  
  
When it started to ring again, the other guy looked over at him. "Gonna answer that?" he asked.  
  
"It's my ex," Nick answered, shaking his head.  
  
"I see," he said, nodding slowly. "I could answer it."  
  
"I'm not sure that would help."  
  
"Can't hurt," the other boy said with a grin.  
  
Nick wasn't sure what exactly made him agree to hand his phone to a complete stranger, but the next thing he knew, he was handing it off.  
  
The guy answered the call and brought his phone to his ear. "Hello!" he greeted, injecting his smile into his voice.  
  
Nick wasn't sure what exactly was said next. He could vaguely hear Natalie's voice on the other end, but he was too far to hear anything but what the guy was saying: "His new best friend! ... No, no, busy... You sound stressed... Important, you say? I don't know... Woah, woah, slow down, miss, that's not exactly nice." He pulled the phone away from his ear a bit, looking up at Nick and mouthing that she wanted to talk to him.

Sighing, he reached out and took the phone from him.

“Hello, Natalie,” he greeted with a sigh, hoping that she would get the hint and make the call brief.

“Why didn’t you pick up?” she asked in lieu of a greeting. “Who was that guy?”

“Does it matter?” he asked, glancing back towards him. He was leaned back against the bench again, running his fingers through his blond hair and appearing to be doing his best at pretending that he wasn’t listening to Nick’s conversation.

“I guess not,” she said after a moment. “Anyways, I just… I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“About what?” he asked.

“It’s… It’s pretty important. And I’d rather not talk about it on the phone,” she said.

“I’m in Pasadena,” he said. “It’ll be a while before I could be in the area with you again.”

“Pasadena? Why?”

“Yes, Pasadena,” he said, sighing. “Because I want to be here, that’s why. I came here with my sister.”

“Does this have anything to do with me?” she asked. “I mean, leaving school was one thing, but…”

“It’s not to do with you,” he said. “Neither did my decision to leave. You just… kick started things.”

“Look, Nick, I really am sorry—”

“And I’m sorry, too,” he said. “But everything has worked out for the better now.”

“Not everything.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, frowning.

A bus pulled up to the curb, and the other man got up halfway for a second before sitting back down. Seeing Nick looking at him, he chuckled and gave him a slightly apologetic look, making it clear to Nick that he was listening in.

“I really don’t want to say this over the phone,” she said.

“Well, I’m not about to drive across the country just to talk to you,” he said. “I’m sorry, but that’s just not happening. As far as I’m concerned, everything seems all squared away fine. Hell, you kept the ring, you definitely got the good end of the deal here—”

“I’m pregnant.”

Natalie’s words cutting into his made him stop speaking, his hand going slack for a moment before tensing up, feeling like he might crack his phone. The guy must have heard her as well, his eyebrows shooting upward. “You’re what?”

“I’m pregnant,” she said. As she went on, her voice took on a quality of wateriness that he did his best to ignore. “And I’m scared and you’re the only person who has ever been able to make things make sense.”

“Is the baby mine?”

There was a long stretch of silence before she answered. “Yes.”

Nick let out a long breath. “Okay,” he said. “Look… I honestly don’t know what to tell you right now. I can’t… Let me call you back, okay? Talk to a doctor, your parents… Something. I don’t know. I’ll call you back.”

“Okay,” she said, sniffling.

“Bye,” he said, bringing the phone down from his ear once she hung up without saying a farewell in return.

“She’s lying,” the guy said.

“What?” he asked, frowning.

“She’s totally lying,” he repeated. “Your ex-girlfriend, from the phone call just now? She wants you back, she’s lying.”

“You can’t possibly know that,” Nick said, shaking his head. “You don’t know her.”

“But I know people,” he replied. He laughed softly, smiling in a relaxed way that made it feel like they were just a couple of old friends, totally comfortable with each other. “And that seems exactly like something someone would say if they weren’t over a breakup.”

“She cheated on me,” he said. “If she still wanted to be with me, she wouldn’t have cheated on me.”

“Plenty of people cheat. It sucks, they’re terrible, et cetera, et cetera,” he said, “but a lot of them still want to be with the person they’re cheating on. I mean, if not, why not just break up, right?”

“I still just don’t think that she would do that,” he said.

“If that’s what you want to think, I can’t stop you,” he said. “But it just seems skeevy to me. Even if she _is_ pregnant, I’m sorry, but it’s probably not your baby.”

“But even she wouldn’t know that for sure.”

“I guess not,” he said, shrugging. “If you think she’s telling the truth, I guess that’s your right.”

As he saw another bus coming up the street, Nick got to his feet and started to step forward, but was pulled back by the man who had gotten up and was cautiously touching his arm. “Hey,” he said, his voice a bit softer, gentler.

“Yes?” Nick asked.

“Just… Be careful, alright?” he said. The look on his face was so soft and caring that if Nick didn’t know better, he might’ve thought that this stranger was a close friend of his, genuinely concerned for his well-being. “Don’t cut your vacation or whatever off short just to run off and be with her. Unless you really want to. Again, that’s your choice. But you seem like a nice guy. I don’t want someone who apparently has a history of using you taking advantage of you.”

Nick paused for a second, not sure what to say. It felt like he had just stepped into a completely different world than he was used to. This guy knew nothing about him, couldn’t possibly know whether he was a nice guy or not, and yet he seemed to be honestly concerned with his happiness. “Thank you…” he started, then trailed off. “I didn’t catch your name.”

“Jeff,” he said with that same bright smile. “Jeff Sterling.”

“Nick,” he said back, quickly shaking his hand before turning and getting on the bus. “Thank you, Jeff. It was nice to meet you.”


	5. May

"I agree with the handsome stranger."

Lacey was laying on Nick's bed, draped over him like a sloth and moving about as fast as one. Even miles and miles away from home and in a suite big enough that they both had beds bigger than any person should ever sleep in alone, Nick still couldn't get away from his sister's habit of encroaching on his personal space.

"I never said that he was handsome," he replied, shaking his head. "I don't know where you got that idea."

"Handsome, charming. Beautiful," she said, shrugging. "Something like that."

"I repeat, Lace, I don't know where you got that," he said.

She chuckled, shifting so that she could press a kiss to his forehead. "Oh, goob," she said. "He's a stranger who appeared to you in your time of need. If that's not charming enough, there's just something about the way you told the story."

"There is nothing special about the way I told the story. He was just some guy who was a bit nosy," Nick replied.

"Yeah, no, you were charmed by him." She had her arms crossed and she was giving him a look that told him it was pointless to try and convince her otherwise.

"Okay, he was a nice guy, sure. And maybe he's right--"

"He is absolutely right," she said. "This Jeff guy is totally right, and he doesn't even know the full story about Natalie, does he?"

Nick shook his head. "No, we barely talked," he said.

"You should have. A friendly, wise Californian with a pretty smile?"

"You have no idea if his smile is pretty," he pointed out. He didn't let himself think about the wide, easy smile that Jeff had looked at him with, the one that made him feel like he could say anything to this man he had just met, the one that made him feel like this man he had just met was anything but a man he had just met. Still, though, even if he was thinking about that, he wasn't sure that he would call the smile "pretty."

"He just seems the type," Lacey explained with a small shrug. "And besides, he's from California. That means that he's automatically about five times hotter than any guy around home."

"Ah, right, okay," he said with a soft laugh, rolling his eyes. "Handsome stranger. Alright."

Lacey grinned at him and gave his forehead another kiss before rolling off of him, laying on her side looking at him. There was a moment of comfortable silence between them before she opened her mouth again; her voice this time much softer and gentler, more sincere. "What're you going to do about Natalie?"

"I don't know," he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He let his hands linger over his face, the thought of looking at anything but the darkness of under his palms suddenly sounding like far too much to handle. "I mean... What if she is pregnant, and it is mine?"

"Even if it is yours, you won't be able to know for a while," she pointed out, shrugging. "And she cheated on you. You have no obligation to put your life on hold just to run back there to take care of her or anything like that."

"But she's still my--"

"I don't care what she is, Nicholas," she cut him off, giving him that hard look again. "She broke your heart. You don't owe her shit."

"Part of me will always love her," he said, shaking his head. "I know that that's not what you want to hear, but it's just the truth."

Lacey let out a heavy sigh, smoothing back his hair. "Okay," she said after a moment. "If you decide that you want to, like, go be with her and try to win her back or something, I can't stop you." She paused for a moment, but before Nick had a chance to say anything else to her, she continued speaking. "But please... wait for a bit. I don't know what exactly you should wait for. Maybe set a time limit to see if you still want it, or wait for more solid proof that she's even pregnant? Something. I don't want you to skip out on this and then regret it."

He stayed silent for a bit, knowing that reasonably, she did have a good point. This wasn’t something that he should just drop everything for; he needed to learn to let his head take the reins from his heart every once in a while, and his head was telling him that he should not throw away this vacation (or whatever he was supposed to call it – a walkabout?) just because of something that, again, he had no ability to help at this point. He had to remind himself of that fact: he was powerless right now, and regardless of where he was, there would be nothing he could do either way.

“Okay,” he said with a nod. “I’ll stay here with you, unless something changes.”

A wide grin broke out across his sister’s face, and he was wrapped up in a tight hug. “Thank you, Nicky!” she said brightly, all but flailing on top of him

He laughed softly and let her hold onto him for a bit before he gave her a nudge and she rolled over, continuing to do so until she dramatically fell to the floor with a thud. She sat up and peeked back up at him on the bed, still laughing and grinning.

“Now, c’mon,” she said, leaning over and grabbing his hands and tugging on them as she got to her feet. “We, oh brother mine, are going out to dinner, my treat. Put on something nice.”

Nick didn’t bother to point out the fact that almost this entire trip had been wholly her treat as she turned and left the room with a bounce in her step, just going to his bags to find something to throw on.

***

A few days later found Nick walking through Arlington Garden. He wasn’t sure what exactly it was that drew him to the place, but the webpage looked inviting enough and he wasn’t too manly to say that he wouldn’t find walking through a garden pleasant.

And he was right, it was pleasant. It wasn’t too crowded, and just being able to be walking out in the open air and literally stopping to smell the roses was exactly the sort of peaceful escape that he was needing. What with the call from Natalie and still no updates from her since, he could feel his stress level building almost palpably.

When he made the decision to visit Arlington Garden, he had invited Lacey to come along with him, but she told him that it sounded too “slow-paced” for her liking, and that she would meet back up with him later. He couldn’t find it in him to be too upset about it, though, because he had spent the better part of the past few days with her practically attached to his hip. He was touched by it, he was, because he knew his sister and he knew that it was hard for her to take things seriously sometimes but she was dead serious when it came to those she loved, but still he didn’t mind having a bit of room to breathe.

He didn’t mind being alone.

But that wasn’t the case for long, because as fate would have it, he found company shortly after arriving.

“Well, I’ll be damned.”

Looking over his shoulder, Nick was suddenly faced with blond hair and a bright smile In his head, he started trying to figure out just how large of a city Pasadena was, and how likely (or, more accurately, _unlikely_ ) it was that both he and Jeff just so happened to be in the same place at the same time.

"I'm sory, this probably feels pretty creepy to you," Jeff said, his nervous laughter telling Nick that not only was he painfully aware of how it might appear that he suddenly showed up like this, but also that being a stalker or something was entirely beyond the near stranger's capabilities. "But I honestly just showed up here. To sight see. I'm a tourist."

That fact gave Nick pause. "You are?" he asked.

"Yeah," he nodded, the tension that had appeared on his face starting to relax a bit. "I mean, I still am only, like... Okay, actually, I am a while from home, but yeah, I still live in the same state. Just, well, not Pasadena. So I don't know it that counts."

"It counts," Nick offered with a nod. "Also, I'm not from here, either."

"Oh?" he raised an eyebrow, his eyes flitting from a vibrant pink flower in front of him back to Nick. "Where are you from, then?"

"Well, that's kind of a hard question to answer."

"Is it?" he asked, a soft laugh falling off his lips.

"Yeah," he said, nodding. "My family moves around a lot."

"Military?"

"Nope," he said with a chuckle. "My dad could never live that life. No, we're just kind of... nomadic."

"Ah," Jeff said, nodding slowly. "My uncle is making a career out of it, so I tend to assume sometimes. So, where have you lived, oh wonderful world traveler?"

"I wouldn't say world traveler," he laughed, shaking his head. "I've never been out of the states. But, ah, let's see... I was born in Delaware, then we went down to North Carolina, then we were in New York for a bit, but not the cool part. Then we were in Maine, but we stayed in Ohio the entire time I was in high school. And now my family is in Pennsylvania, but I think they want to go back to Maine."

Jeff let out an impressed whistle. "Wow, that is a lot of moving. I'm still in the same house I lived in when I was a baby."

“Yeah, I don’t know, that’s just sort of always how it’s been,” he said. “I’ve gotten to know cardboard boxes and airport gates pretty well.”

“I like that,” he said, just looking at him for a moment in a way that made Nick feel like he was being judged and the rest of their relationship _(oh, shut up, Duval, this guy is a stranger, you have no relationship with him)_ rested on the impression he was getting right now. After a few seconds, the smile returned to his lips. “So, I couldn’t help but notice that your list is pretty east coast dominated. And yet, here you are, far, far away from the Atlantic.”

Nick nodded. “Yeah, I just… needed to get away,” he said. “So my sister took me here.”

“I see,” he said, nodding slowly. “The cheating, pregnant ex?”

His complete lack of hesitance to bring that up made Nick want to either turn and walk away from him or stay and hug him tightly for not tiptoeing around it, for not holding punches.

Well, he certainly didn’t walk away.

“Pretty much,” he said with a small shrug. “I mean, as much as I’d like to tell myself that it was something other than that…”

“I get it,” Jeff offered. “I mean, as much as I can. I’ve never really had to worry about any pregnancy scares, but still.”

He looked over at Jeff again, a question and the phrase _the only one hundred percent effective way to prevent pregnancy is abstinence_ that he’d had pounded into his head in school on the tip of his tongue before the blond gave him a grin that told him he knew exactly what he was about to say.

“I’m gay,” Jeff said for clarification anyways, a small grin on his lips. For a moment, Nick is struck by the fact that he really is from California, that the admission of his sexual orientation has probably never been a source of worry for him like it was for some of Nick’s old acquaintances in school.

“Ah, okay,” he said with a small nod, giving him a smile to assure him that it isn’t an issue for him, he was totally tolerant and accepting.

“But still, I’ve been cheated on,” he said with a soft laugh. “I mean, I know it’s not a fair comparison, because I’m really not sure that I’ve ever been in love and I know for a fact that I’ve never been engaged, but…”

“It’s no big deal,” he said, shrugging. “And honestly, I don’t need to talk about it anymore.”

“Okay, I can respect that,” he said. He nodded and gave Nick a small smile, that same one that made him feel like this stranger genuinely cared, more than he should. “I imagine that a lot of people want to talk about it?”

“Yeah, ever since I walked into my fiancée’s bedroom and saw some guy balls deep in her, people seem to be really into hearing about my feelings,” he said flatly.

Jeff just laughed, nodding. “Wow, fun.”

“Absolutely,” he said, starting to walk again but giving Jeff a look to tell him nonverbally that he wanted him to continue walking with him.

They didn’t talk much for a bit after that, and for a few minutes Nick kept giving glances in the other boy’s direction, trying to figure out if he had said too much or sounded too bitter and scared him off and he was just walking with him out of a sense of obligation, and if so, what could Nick say to fix it? He told himself to calm down, to stop letting his mind become a confusing, zigzagging mess and sort it out.

Before he had the chance to say anything, though, Jeff reached across the gap between them and slid his hand into Nick’s. There was a moment when part of Nick wanted to pull his hand back, his mind catching a snag on the fact that this other man had told him he was gay just minutes before. But he told himself that he was overreacting, it was nothing more than an innocent, friendly touch, and maybe Jeff just was a touchy feely person.

“Kind of funny how we ran into each other again in such a, well, weird place,” the blond said with a soft laugh, swinging their hands in between them and glancing back over at him again.

“Yeah,” Nick said with a small nod, unsure of what else to say to that.

Jeff didn’t say anything in reply, but Nick felt relieved at how it didn’t seem like an awkward silence, just… Maybe sort of companionate. He looked over at the other boy, who was lifting up his free hand and leaning forward to touch the prick on one of the cacti. “Huh, that’s not what I imagined it like,” he said. Laughing as he turned back to face Nick again, he added, “Granted, I don’t really have much experience with cactuses. Mostly just in, you know, Looney Tunes.”

Nick chuckled softly, nodding. “I haven’t really encountered many of them either,” he said.

“Good, good,” he said. “I wouldn’t want you to have a leg up on me in that.”

“I kind of figured you would have this one on me, to be honest. I figure there are more cactuses here than there are anywhere on the east coast,” he pointed out.

“I’m not exactly an outdoorsy person,” Jeff said, shaking his head.

“Really? You look like you might be,” he said.

“Is it the shirt? I’ve been told that it’s an outdoorsy-looking shirt,” he said, pulling at the fabric. It was just an average v-neck, olive green in color, and Nick wasn’t entirely sure whether he was joking or not.

“It’s absolutely the shirt,” he said anyways, nodding.

“Of course,” he said with a nod, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “That and the fact that we’ve never seen each other indoors. So, by the way, you seem like the outdoorsy type.”

Nick couldn’t help himself but to laugh at that. “I actually am,” he said. “As in reality. You probably can’t tell from my shirt.”

He laughed, looking at his shirt and seeming to be giving him an appraising look. “Yeah, no, I don’t think I would’ve guessed it based on your shirt. You should probably invest in some different shirts,” he teased.

It was easy, talking with Jeff. It was natural and conversation flowed without a moment of it feeling forced or full of thinly-veiled pity like most of his recent interactions with people outside of his family had been.

Or at least, he thought that it was going well, until Jeff dropped his hand (wow, was he really still holding onto it for that long and Nick had forgotten?) and turned to face him completely. The goofy smile and dimples that had been on his face almost the entire time they'd been walking together was gone, replaced by a serious look that almost felt out of place.

"Nick," he said, his voice taking on that same sober note.

"Yes...?" he replied slowly, feeling a bit hesitant to hear what Jeff was going to say next.

"You came a long, long way from Pennsylvania to be here," he said, at which point Nick nodded in agreement but said nothing else. "A long way away from all your friends, and maybe more notably, a long way from the girl who shall not be named."

"What about it?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Call me crazy, tell me I'm reading too much into this, but I feel like you're here searching for something. Something that you don't think that you can find back at home," he said.

Nick shrugged. "I guess, maybe."

"So, what is it? What do you want to find in Pasadena, in your heart of hearts?"

Nick didn't say anything immediately, pausing to think about it. There was a long silence that stretched out between them, filling the air but still not quite uncomfortably. "Beauty," he answered finally. "I want to see something truly beautiful."

"Beauty," Jeff echoed, a small smile on his lips. "I like it."

"I think that I've been missing out on that," he said. "I just... for a long time now, I think, I've been defining beauty incorrectly. I looked at her, and I thought, 'Yeah, that's it.' But now I just need to... reconsider that."

"I get it," he said with a nod, offering him a smile before starting to walk again. "I've spent a lot of time waxing romantic about what exactly beauty is, and what it means for something to be beautiful. So I totally get it."

"So, what is your definition of beautiful, then?" Nick asked him, looking over at him and raising an eyebrow.

It was Jeff's turn to fall silent, looking over at Nick and then glancing around them at their surroundings. "Definitely something deeper than just the way something looks. Something closer to how something _is_ ," he said. "But I think there's something I could show you that means beauty to me more than I could ever say in words."

"What's that, then?" Nick asked him.

"It's... It's in LA," he said. "I could take you. Like, right now. If that's alright." He looked a bit nervous again, like he did earlier when he was trying to clarify that he had not been stalking Nick.

For a moment, he thought that he should maybe say no, or at least call Lacey up and let her know what his plan was and to give her at least an idea of where to look for him if he didn't come back to their hotel room that night, but he decided against it. It probably wouldn't help that much if he did contact her, and despite what he had grown up being told, he couldn't help but trust this stranger. It wasn't like Jeff was tempting him into a van with candy.

"Okay, yeah, let's go," he said, nodding.

Jeff gave him a smile, reaching over and taking his hand again before he started to head for the exit.

***

As promised, Jeff made the short drive from Pasadena to Los Angeles with Nick in tow.

Looking away from the window over at him, Nick commented, “You know, I’m not actually too sure about this whole concept. From what I understand, LA is one of the fakest places there is, and you’re taking me here to find beauty.”

“That’s a good point.” Those words and a soft laugh are the only answer that Nick got, but he still couldn’t find it in himself to be too concerned about it. If what Jeff wanted him to see ended up being a flop, well, that was that. If nothing else, he’d probably have fun anyways, because he was fairly certain that his newfound friend (was that still a stretch? Was ally a better word?) wouldn’t bring him somewhere for no reason, and he seemed like he had fairly good judgment.

Part of Nick thought that maybe the intention was to see the ocean, or maybe to see somewhere where people were still putting in honest effort to try and get noticed because of their talent. Something that was probably cliché but also probably at least somewhat life affirming. What he didn’t expect at all was to skip past all of the glitz and glamor and instead roll up and see a large white building that looked like some sort of museum or a gigantic church from a textbook.

As Jeff parked the car and got out, he looked over at him with a raised eyebrow, looking for an explanation of where they were.

“Griffith Observatory,” he said with a bright grin, swinging his arm out to gesture grandly at the building.

“Oh,” Nick said with a small nod. “An observatory.” He could vaguely recall going to one on a field trip when he was in elementary school. The only thing that he really remembered about it was that some kid in his class had taken out a camera in the middle of the planetarium show and tried to take a flash photo of the projected stars. Unsurprisingly, that hadn’t worked out well for him.

“Yeah,” Jeff said, a wide grin on his face as he walked up to the doors. “I don’t know if you find astronomy… No, astrology… No, I was right the first time, wasn’t I? Anyways, I don’t know if you find stars and planets and everything as cool as I do, but I just think it’s… Really neat.” He chuckled softly in a kind of nervous way, bringing his hand up to rub at the back of his neck.

“No, yeah, I love stargazing,” he assured him quickly, giving him a smile.

“Okay,” Jeff said with a nod, smiling back at him. “Good.” He looked more relaxed with that affirmation, walking into the building and looking around with a soft hum. He insisted on paying for the both of them to get into a planetarium show, citing that he had dragged Nick out here in the first place, and it was inexpensive enough that it wasn't a problem and he wasn't willing to fight with him about it.

The show was a lot like the one that Nick had gone to as a kid, from what little of it he could still remember.

He and Jeff sat side by side in the dark room as stars and constellations were projected onto the domed ceiling above them.

They leaned in closer to each other, Jeff's head practically resting on his shoulder as they stared up at the ceiling. He could see that the other man really did find the swirling stars above them, just slightly reminiscent of the ceiling in the Great Hall at Hogwarts, to be truly beautiful; every so often, Nick would hear an excited little intake of air as something particularly striking happened.

As the speaker pointed out Orion and an outline of the hunter appeared over the stars that made up the constellation, Jeff reached over again and slipped their hands together.

"I love things like this," Jeff whispered, letting out a soft sigh. Glancing over at Nick, he added, "I'm not going to lie, I seized an opportunity here. I was going to come here anyways, and I was just lucky enough to stumble upon you to come with me and keep me company."

Nick chuckled softly, earning him a dirty look and a shush from a mother in the row in front of them. "That's alright," he whispered, shifting in closer to Jeff to make sure he could be quiet but still be sure he heard him. "I definitely don't mind having some company, too."

"That's good," Jeff said with a smile, squeezing his hand before laying his head back down on Nick's shoulder and looking up at the projected stars.

They sat in silence through the rest of the show, listening to their guide tell them about all of the constellations and fun facts about the stars that made all of them up. For a bit, Nick forgot that he was inside of a building, and he had to look down to remind himself that this wasn't really the night sky that he was looking at. Hell, it was still daytime.

Speaking of daytime, walking out after it was over was a bit disorienting. Jeff looked over and watched him as he blinked several times to try to readjust his eyes, laughing softly at him.

"Shut up," Nick said to him with a laugh.

"I didn't say anything," he said, holding his hands up in a show of his innocence.

"Your laugh said it all for you," he replied.

"Well, I can't help having joy," he said with a grin. "Now, c'mon."

"Where are we going?" he asked, raising an eyebrow as Jeff grabbed his arm and started walking.

"Gift shop," Jeff replied, grinning brightly.

"The gift shop?" he echoed, laughing.

He nodded, looking over his shoulder to smile at him. "Of course," he said. "What's the point in coming here if you're not going to get a souvenir?"

"Alright, I guess I'll accept that," he said, chuckling softly as they reached the gift shop entrance and went inside.

Almost like a child (because if he truly was a child, he would've found a stuffed plushie or some other toy), Jeff headed straight for the keychains. "N-I-C-K, right?" he asked, bending to look at the rings with names on them.

"Yeah," he said with a nod. He saw one that had Jeff's name on it and grabbed it, showing it to him and getting a grin and a thumbs up in response.

"Great!" Jeff said, humming as he picked up a keychain with Nick's name. He looked back at the shelf, asking, "What's your sister's name?"

Nick paused in surprise at the question, raising an eyebrow. “My sister?” he echoed.

“Yeah,” he replied with a nod, looking up at him. “You said that you came to California with your sister, didn’t you?” He waited for a moment for an affirmation, continuing once Nick nodded. “So you should get her something from here, too. It’s only fair. What’s her name?”

“Lacey,” he answered. He smiled to himself at Jeff’s logic, chuckling softly. It was cute, it really was, and for a moment Nick thought to himself that he would probably be good with kids. Maybe a kindergarten teacher or something.

“Lacey,” Jeff echoed with a quick nod, going back to scanning over the keychains to find her name. “Nick and Lacey. I like it.”

“I also have a brother named Charlie,” he said.

“Interesting,” he said, and something about his voice made it sound like he really did find it interesting, like he wasn’t just saying it because it would be impolite to not say anything. “He should probably get a keychain, too.”

“If you say so,” he said, chuckling.

“I do,” Jeff said, nodding as he pulled a keychain for Lacey off of the shelf. “Why didn’t he come along with you two?”

“He has a job that he can’t abandon to go across the country like we can.”

“Ah,” he said. “Well, then, he definitely deserves a keychain.”

Nick rolled his eyes fondly as he reached out to grab another keychain for Charlie. “Okay, so I think we’re covered,” he said. “Unless you’ve got anybody you need to get a keychain for.”

There was a moment’s pause as Jeff considered it, then he nodded. “Oh, yeah, I do,” he said. “My kid sister. She was really upset when I told her she couldn’t come with me down to Pasadena.” He turned the shelf, finding one that had the name Bridgett on it before standing up completely. He looked down at the number of keychains in his hands, chuckling softly before going over to the register. Again, despite Nick’s protests, he insisted on paying for all of them.

Once they were purchased and the two of them were walking out of the gift shop, Jeff turned to Nick again. “Do you...” he paused, sighing. “Do you have anywhere that you need to be tonight?”

Nick hesitated for a second, unsure of how to answer. Part of him told him that it was a totally innocent question, that Jeff probably just wanted to hang out more, since they were getting along well and everything; another part of him nagged that maybe he was giving out the wrong signals, that maybe Jeff thought that this was a date or wanted to have a date—but he knew that Nick was straight, didn’t he? He knew that Nick possibly got a girl pregnant? Reassuring himself that there was no miscommunication that he needed to clear up, he shrugged and answered, “No, not really.”

“Okay, good, great, because it’s going to get dark soon, and there’s another thing I’d like to do,” he said, flashing him a grin.

***

After a quick stop at a store that Jeff told Nick to wait in the car during, he put whatever he had purchased in the trunk of the car before getting back in.

“I cannot emphasize to you enough how much I am not kidnapping you,” he assured Nick as he started the car up again. “Even if it feels like I am, I am not.”

Nick chuckled softly, nodding. “Okay,” he said. “That’s alright.”

It became apparent soon enough why Jeff felt the need to say that, as they drove away from Los Angeles and the bright lights of the city. Eventually, the sky turned from blue to red to dark navy, a blanket of night dotted with stars just like the ceiling earlier that day. The longer Jeff drove, the more stars there were visible in the sky. Eventually, he pulled off the road and put the car in park.

“Okay, I think this is good enough,” he said as he got out of the car. Nick followed him, watching as he went to the trunk and pulled the shopping bag out again. As he pulled the plastic away from the box inside, he explained, “I wanted to get as far away from the city lights as possible.”

Nick was about to ask why when he saw what it was that he had gotten earlier: a telescope.

“They have public telescopes at Griffith, apparently, but I just… I kind of thought that this might be nicer,” he said as he started to open the box up to set up the telescope, glancing over at Nick with a small smile.

“Yeah, this is cool,” he said.

A little bit later, the two of them were sitting on top of Jeff’s car, the telescope set up on its feet between them, pointed up at the sky. They took turns looking through the telescope up at the stars, laughing and joking on each other as they occasionally mistook planes for stars.

“There’s Orion again,” Jeff pointed out. “I won’t lie to you, Nick. That’s the only constellation I can ever pick out, because of the belt.”

“Yeah, same here,” Nick said with a soft laugh. “I actually have these three freckles that line up like Orion’s belt.”

“Oh really?” Jeff asked, raising an eyebrow. “That’s pretty awesome.”

“Thanks,” he said with a small smile, self-consciously rubbing over the spot on his chest where said freckles were hiding under his shirt.

Jeff leaned over and looked through the telescope again, humming softly. He stayed there for a bit, moving the telescope around to look at more of the stars around them. It was so calm and peaceful for a bit that when he spoke again, Nick jumped slightly, though thankfully he didn’t seem to notice. “I don’t know if you find this as beautiful as I do,” he said, sitting back and looking over at Nick. “But doing this, looking up at the stars… It reminds me of how much there is out there, and just how… How so very, very _small_ I am.

“It makes me feel safe, you know, all protected in this one little corner of this massive, massive universe,” he said. “Does that make any sense?”

“Yeah, it does,” Nick said with a small nod. He tipped his head up, looking at the spray of stars overhead with his bare eyes. “You’re right. It’s beautiful.”

Jeff smiled softly, looking up at the sky along with him. “I’m glad you think so,” he said.

“Of course I think so,” he replied.

There was no reply for a bit, both of them too busy just looking up at the sky. “I think that I’m looking for some beauty, myself,” Jeff said gently, his voice practically a whisper.

“I hope you find it,” he said.

“I’m looking for it. I’m going to get even farther from here, looking for it,” he said. “I know I’ll know it when I see it.”

Nick looked over at him. This time, he was the one that reached across the gap and brought their hands together. “I’m sure you will,” he murmured.

There was another stretch of silence on the blond’s end, him just rubbing his thumb along the soft skin on Nick’s hand. “I wish that I could take you with me.”

“What?”

“We’re both looking for similar things here,” he said. “And I like you. We get along. And… I’ve spent my whole life in California; I know what it has to offer. And I just think that maybe you won’t find it here.”

“I don’t know,” Nick admitted with a shrug.

Jeff chuckled, shaking his head slightly. “Sorry,” he said. “It’s a pretty dumb thought.”

“It’s not,” he said.

Abruptly, Jeff shifted and moved to get off of the car. “We should probably head out,” he said, grabbing the telescope to put it back in the car. “It’ll take a while to get back to Pasadena, and it’s getting late.”

***

When Nick handed Lacey her keychain and told her about the day he had had, her face broke out in a wide grin.

“That is just so cute!” she said, going to get her purse and pulling her car keys out. She put the new keychain on the loop, holding it up and grinning.

“I don’t know that I’d say cute,” he said with a soft laugh.

But she wasn’t listening, her hand going back into her purse to pull out her phone. Still grinning, she started to tap at the screen then brought it up to her ear.

“Who are you calling?” he asked her.

“Charlie!” she said, grinning at him. She turned around as Nick assumed their brother picked up the phone, starting to pace as she spoke. “I am pretty sure I’m in love with this nice gay boy Nick met on the street.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never been to California (a layover at LAX notwithstanding), and therefore I know nothing about the places mentioned in this chapter besides something vaguely resembling research on their webpages. Sorry about any errors I may have made!


	6. June

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for how late (and how short!) this chapter is! It's been a very eventful month for me, so I haven't had as much time and motivation this chapter, especially because, to be honest, it's mostly just setting up for the next part of the story. I hope I can make up for it next month!

Nick liked to think of himself as a fairly non-nosy person. He was willing to accept what information was willingly offered to him, and that was generally enough. Sure, he always slowed down to look at a car accident, but who didn't?

The point was, Nick was the kind of person to let a person have their privacy. He wasn't the kind to meet someone new then run home and Facebook stalk them. He tended to ignore cryptic Facebook posts and tweets because they just weren't his business and other people's drama had never been his cup of tea.

But maybe things were a little different with Jeff, for reasons that he couldn't quite put his finger on. So maybe, just maybe, one lazy evening in the hotel room that consisted of mostly flipping through the channels aimlessly, he grabbed his laptop and typed Jeff's name into Facebook.

It took him a little bit of searching, being that, given the completely different hometowns and lack of any sort of connection or mutual friends, Facebook saw no reason that he should be looking for _this_ Jeff Sterling.

After sifting through various Jeffs and Jeffreys and even a Jefferson, including some whose last names in fact were nothing even resembling Sterling, he eventually found the face that he was looking for. His profile picture was immediately identifiable as him, a closeup of him and a young girl with a stuffed elephant in her hands and hair that was just as light blond as his.

Clicking on his name, he found that Jeff's profile was fairly public, and he could see pretty much everything on it.

He took some time to look through his pictures, starting with profile pictures but also branching into a few random albums as well. His more recent pictures often featured the same little girl, who was named in a few of the picture captions as Bridgett (or, just as often, Birdy). There were also a few other people that showed up regularly, friends and family. As he went backwards in time he also saw a couple of different guys that he couldn't help but wonder about, a couple kissing Jeff's cheeks or lips for the camera. There were a few sets of pictures that were set up artfully, a friend of his named Victoria apparently fancying herself a photographer and seemed to appreciate having a model.

Backing out of his pictures and switching over to the About Me tab, Nick saw that Jeff listed San Francisco as both his hometown and his current location. He had to pause for a moment at this information, then pulled up a Google Maps tab to find out the distance from San Francisco to Pasadena (383 miles, or five hours and twenty minutes without traffic). Though he had known that Jeff said he was "a while" from home, part of Nick had assumed he wasn't _that_ far away from home, alone, for seemingly no reason.

Moving on, he saw that he had graduated from San Francisco University High School in 2012, a year before Nick himself had graduated high school. No college was listed, which should not have been as surprising to him as it was, considering how he had been milling about in Pasadena in April and made no mention of any university when Nick had discussed dropping out of his own school.

"Ooh, whatcha looking at?" Nick jumped at the sound of his sister's voice suddenly behind him. Lacey stepped in closer to him and wrapped her arms around him from behind, leaning down to look at his computer screen. "Creeping on someone?"

"Yeah," he said with a sigh after a moment, knowing that it was useless to try to tell her anything different. "Jeff."

It took her a moment to process who exactly he was talking about, but then she grinned and hopped over the back of the couch, landing to sit down beside him. "Scroll up, I want to see what he looks like," she said, though she didn't give him a chance to before she was reaching over and doing so herself. "Ooh, he _is_ handsome. His—wait, that's not _his_ kid, is it?"

"No, I'm pretty sure that's his sister," he said, looking over at Lacey and rolling his eyes fondly. "Besides, she's about eight. If she was his, that's... Possible, but really not something I'd like to think about."

Lacey chuckled softly, shrugging. "I had to ask," she said. "And I mean, sure, he's gay, but who knows if he was always gay, right?" She laughed softly before adding, "Anyways, okay, keep looking at whatever you were looking at before. For my own sake, I'll stop talking."

"Thank you," he said with a soft laugh, scrolling back down to where his personal information was listed.

As he had been able to guess by the fact that there were no other boys (besides ones that were clearly just friends) in recent pictures, Jeff's profile stated that he was single at the moment. (Lacey's comment on this, being that she was at times physically incapable of holding her tongue, was, "So what you're saying is I still have a chance.)

Just below that, Jeff had listed his employer as a flower shop somewhere in San Francisco. ("That's equal parts adorable and ridiculous, I love it.")

Nick couldn't help himself but to look at some of Jeff's recent statuses, wondering if maybe any of them would mention what he was doing five hours from San Francisco. And, if he were being completely honest, he might also admit that part of him hoped that he hoped that maybe just maybe the blond had mentioned him.

Unfortunately, there were pretty much no posts since before they had even met, aside from a couple of lighthearted updates and pictures as well as well-wishing posts from family members and friends.

"You look like something is really troubling you about this," Lacey commented lightly, raising an eyebrow at him before resting her chin against his shoulder.

"I just don't know why he'd come here," he said, shrugging. "I mean, no big deal, really. I don't even know why I looked him up."

Lacey nodded slowly, looking at the screen. "Well, everyone is fascinated by a mystery, I guess," she said with a small shrug. "And also, he's really handsome. So there's that. Even a straight boy can admit that, I'm sure of it."

Nick looked back at the picture of Jeff still on the screen for a moment. "I don't know," he said with a shrug. "I guess so. There's something compelling about him, definitely. But I think that's more... It comes across better in person."

"I'm sure," she agreed, nodding. "I've met people like that. Vibrant. That's the word I'd like to use."

"That fits," he said with a nod.

"Anyways, sunshine, I think I need to go take a shower," she said, lifting up an arm and leaning in closer to him for him to (in theory) sniff her armpit. "Right?"

"Sure," he said with a soft laugh, rolling his eyes at her.

Lacey chuckled, leaning over and kissing his cheek before getting to her feet and going to the bathroom.

Once she was safely in the bathroom and Nick was certain that she would not be coming back out for a bit, he went back to the top of the page and typed into the search bar 'Natalie Colette' and hit enter.

It was the first time that he had really let himself look at her profile since they had broken up, having told himself over and over that looking would be a terrible idea and he would hate himself for it. The last he had looked, her profile picture was one of the two of them together, but it was now the last picture she had used before that, one of her with her family's dog.

Scrolling down to look at her most recent posts, he saw something that almost made him want to close the page and never look back yet simultaneously made him keep looking.

Apparently, between then and April, she had become more comfortable with the idea of being pregnant, and was in fact being very public about it. The first post at the top of the page was an update on her symptoms and progress (she must have gone to a doctor at some point, because she had stated how far along she was—twelve weeks, apparently). Just below that was a picture of her, turned sideways for the camera and holding up her shirt. Nick supposed that maybe there was a slight curve to her stomach, but she mostly looked normal to him. But he wasn't a doctor, and he wasn't really sure how much she was supposed to be showing, anyways.

There were comments from friends and family, some faces that he recognized but also a handful that he didn't. Nobody mentioned anything about the father of the baby, which Nick was equal parts relieved and made even more anxious by.

He stared at the picture on his screen for a bit longer, taking in her face and her smile and all of the supportive comments on the sidebar. Even though he knew that she probably would have contacted him again if she had decided to abort the baby, it was still jarring to see, so openly, how happy she appeared to be and how accepting she was of the idea of motherhood. He tried not to let himself think about how he had once daydreamed about having kids with her. He clicked out of the tab and shut the lid on his laptop, forcing from his mind any thoughts of what it might be like now if he had not found out that she had been cheating on him.

Nick sat there for a bit, the laptop sitting discarded beside him, just staring at the wall in front of him. After a few minutes he got to his feet and went into the room Lacey was staying in, slipping into her bed. Shortly later she came into the room, making a questioning noise at his presence but not demanding an answer. Instead, she just laid down beside him, giving him a hug before flipping the lights off to sleep.

***

The next time Nick saw Jeff was at a coffee shop. They sat together at a small table outside, watching the cars pass by.

Nick knew that looking at someone's profile on Facebook was not a crime, it was not something to be ashamed of. Okay, sure, the two of them had not added each other as friends, but still, it wasn't uncommon for one person to look up another. But still, it was nagging at him that he had done it and he hadn't said anything to Jeff about doing so.

"I looked you up on Facebook," he announced.

"Oh?" Jeff replied, raising an eyebrow. He glanced over at his phone laying on the table, as if he were expecting a notification to pop up on his screen. "I didn't look you up on Facebook."

"And if you had, you would've added me, wouldn't you?" he asked.

"I mean... I guess so, yeah?" he said after a moment, nodding slightly. "I guess that's the normal thing to do. You can add me, if you want."

Nick let out a soft sigh, realizing a bit belatedly that yeah, looking someone up on Facebook really isn't such a huge deal. Of course Jeff didn't find it too weird. "I was curious about you," he said, part of him still trying to feel like mentioning it was the right thing to do.

Jeff blinked in surprise at that. "You were curious about me?" he repeated.

"Yeah," he said with a small nod. He paused for a moment, taking a sip of his coffee as a way to get himself a moment as least awkwardly as possible. "You're..." The word 'vibrant' flashed in his mind. "Interesting. So, I looked you up. I guess I just... I kind of wanted to know what you're all about."

"I see," he said slowly, a smile forming on his lips. "You know, though, anything you can find on my Facebook, you could have just asked me." He chuckled softly, giving Nick a grin.

"I realize that now," he said, chuckling a bit self-deprecatingly. "But it felt like the right thing to do at the time."

"I'm sure," Jeff said with a nod, not a hint of sarcasm in his voice. There he was again, being the sort of universally kind and sincere person that Nick found so compelling. He leaned forward then, a slightly more mischievous look on his face. "So... I have to ask, did you find anything interesting? I mean, besides the very interesting fact that I like Taylor Swift, which is absolutely true."

Nick laughed softly, nodding. "Ah, right, of course," he said. Shrugging, he answered, "I don't know. I mean, I guess you could say that there's something interesting about everything on your profile."

"That's a terrible answer," he said, but there was still a playful smile in place on his lips. "It's a politician's answer, is what it is."

"Sorry," he said with a soft laugh, shrugging. "I guess you got me there."

"So, should I take that to mean that you did find something interesting on there?" he asked. "Ooh, is there something scandalous that I need to take a look at?"

Nick shook his head, chuckling. "Sorry, but no, I wouldn't say scandalous," he said. "Just... interesting. I kind of assumed you lived closer to here than San Francisco."

"Ah," he said, nodding. "Gotcha. Yeah. I guess I could have been more clear about that. But yes, San Francisco born and raised."

"Cool," Nick said, maybe more as a space filler than anything else, since that was just what people said when topics like that came up. After a moment, he asked, "What are you doing so far away from there? And, well... For so long?"

"I don't know," he answered, grinning.

"You... don't know?"

"Nope," he said. "And don't act so surprised. Could you give me a reason as to why you're here, even farther from your home than I am from mine, for so long?"

Nick paused for a moment before shaking his head slightly. "Ah. You've got a point," he said.

"I know I do," he said, chuckling. "But I guess if you want a real answer, the best thing I could tell you is that I wanted to get away. Just like you did."

For a moment, Nick debated whether or not to follow up on the question. It was none of his business, really, even though he and Jeff were quickly becoming friends. But he knew that if he didn't ask, he would still be curious, so that curiosity got the best of him. "Did you have a bad experience?"

"No, no, I didn't have a reason like you did," he said, chuckling softly and shaking his head. "I just..." He trailed off, gesturing vaguely with his hands. "I'm not sure that you're going to get this, because you've been moved around a lot, but I'll do my best to explain it."

Nick nodded, gesturing for him to go on.

"Okay, so... I haven't really been far from home, like... ever. And don't get me wrong, I love it there, I live for the Mission and Castro and being in pretty much the best place to be gay in the country, but... I've _only_ been there. Nowhere else to speak of."

"Alright," he said, nodding. "Yeah, I get that."

"So, I guess I really just wanted an adventure," he said with a small shrug. "That probably sounds funny to you, given the fact that the city has some reputations that I can't dispute, but still. I needed a change."

Nick nodded his understanding. "Yeah, that is kind of funny. I mean, if I was the right sort of person, I'd probably go there looking for an adventure."

"You'd love it," Jeff affirmed, giving him a smile. "But yeah. I wanted to get away, and the stars aligned and you needed to get away, too, and here we are now." He chuckled softly, a grin on his lips as he reached across the table and grabbed Nick's hand to give it a quick squeeze.

Nick laughed along with him, nodding. "That's definitely true," he said, the smile on his companion's face once again proving to be incredibly contagious.

"And so far, I've been fairly pleased with how that's turned out," he said, pulling his hand back and taking another sip of his drink. "But I think that it could be better."

Raising an eyebrow at him, he asked, "Am I disappointing you?"

"Not at all," he replied, waving off his words and smiling at him. "I just think that we both aren't getting quite as much out of this experience as we could be."

"I see," he said, nodding. "How would you propose that we solve that problem?"

"I don't know," Jeff said, chuckling softly. "But I feel like I would be failing the both of us if I didn't do something."

Nick shook his head. "You don't need to do anything," he said. "I mean, hell, I'm just as responsible for making sure that we have a good time as you are."

"Not really," he said, grinning. "The stakes here are higher for you. You came from miles and miles away in search of adventure, I came... okay, yes, miles and miles, too, but way less miles. You understand."

He chuckled softly, nodding. "Yeah, I guess so."

"So, yes, I feel like I'm still kind of on home territory, so I should be a good host and do something to make sure you have a good stay," he said, humming.

"You've already done way more than some random stranger I met at a bus stop is obligated to do."

"Oh, but I'm not a random stranger at a bus stop anymore, am I?" he asked, a bright, hopeful smile on his lips. Nick wished that he could just reach out and take some of Jeff's effervescence for himself.

"You're definitely not," he said, nodding.

"Good," he said. He picked up his cup and then set it back down, realizing that it was empty. "Good timing." He started to get to his feet, sending Nick yet another grin. "I think I need to go. You know, figure out how to make things even more fun for us."

"You really don't have to do that," he replied, if for no other reason than just because he didn't want Jeff to leave just yet. Part of him considered offering to get him another coffee just to get him to stay, but he decided after a moment that that might seem too desperate, so he decided against it.

"Oh, but I do," he said, shaking his head. "I'll see you soon, okay, Nicholas?"

Nick was struck for a moment by the fact that he had just called him by his full name, something that only Lacey ever did (reminding him again that the two of them would probably get along well and therefore should never be allowed to meet).

"Okay," he said, smiling softly at him in reply. "Call me or text me whenever you want."

"I will. You'll hardly even miss me," he said, chuckling softly before starting to walk away from the table. He tossed his empty cup in the trash before glancing back at Nick, smiling and waving.

Nick waved back, watching the other boy walking down the sidewalk away from him.

***

Jeff didn't text him. Or call him.

Nick knew that it would be ridiculous to expect him to: Jeff was probably a fairly busy person, and he was probably wrapped up in something more important than talking to someone who was just barely more than a stranger.

(Another part of his mind suggested the thought that maybe Jeff had realized that he wasn't really interested in making good on his promise to make big plans or whatever for some guy he had only just met and was just going to ignore him instead of doing anything about it, but Nick was able to keep that thought quiet for the most part.)

And really, even though they had exchanged phone numbers the day they went to the observatory, they hadn't talked much between then and their coffee date except to schedule said coffee date. Just because Nick had opened the door for them to text more than they previously had didn't mean that Jeff had to do it, and hell, Nick could text him first if he wanted to.

But still, he didn't want to seem too needy or clingy to him, so he held off on texting him for the most part. A couple of times he saw something that he wanted to tell Jeff about and those texts led to conversations that were very brief in nature.

He couldn't shove back the feeling that Jeff was being a bit distant, so he didn't push too much in their short conversations. He figured that if Jeff was indeed busy with something else, it would be better to let him be and let him come back and talk to Nick more on his own terms.

That being said, it wasn't easy, having pretty much no contact with the person who was quickly becoming his best friend for the better part of two weeks. He was feeling an embarrassing amount of desperation for attention, something akin to when he had broken up with Natalie and part of him just ached to pick up the phone and call her and tell her that all was forgiven.

Speaking of calling her, the temptation had struck him more than once. It wasn't like it was before; he no longer held any feelings for her, not really, anyways. Maybe a sense of obligation, considering her circumstances, but with enough well-meaning rants from Lacey he had accepted that fact that what she had done to him was unacceptable and it cheapened the entirety of their relationship.

So no, he didn't want her back in any capacity. He barely even missed having her in his life the way they had been before. Mostly what he felt now was just a desire to know what was going on in her life, and maybe if a tiny part of him wanted her to still want him, well, he probably wouldn't admit to that out loud.

Eventually he had to hand his phone to Lacey and have her delete Natalie's number out of his phone, getting rid of the temptation to call her.

He added Jeff on Facebook like he had been told to, and the friend request was accepted the same evening, but that didn't really mean too much of anything in the long run.

So he spent the days of relative radio silence with Jeff mostly with Lacey, letting her fill his time so that he didn't get too bored or caught up in wondering what Jeff was doing. If she noticed that something was off with him, she didn't say anything.

Until, finally, Nick's phone went off. The first time Jeff called (or rather, the first five or so times), Nick was in the shower and didn't hear it ringing.

When he finally did see it going off and he picked up, he didn't even have a chance to say anything in greeting.

"Oh, thank goodness!" Jeff said almost immediately after he picked up. "I was started to worry that you had died."

"No, sorry," he said, chuckling softly and shaking his head in spite of the fact that he was fully aware that he couldn't see him. "I was just in the shower."

"Ah, I see," he replied. "Nice and clean now, I hope."

"Yeah, I guess so," he said. "But I've got some ratty old clothes on now, so it might negate that a bit."

"Eh, I guess so. But at least you've showered," he said with a soft laugh. "Where are you staying?"

Nick paused for a moment, surprised at the sudden change of conversation before answering with the hotel's name.

"Okay, cool," Jeff said, and there was a moment of relative silence aside from him mumbling as he did something. "Alright, go outside in about twenty minutes."

"Okay..." Nick said slowly, not sure what else he could say to that.

"Okay, see you soon," Jeff said brightly, and a few seconds later Nick's phone beeped in his ear to indicate that he had hung up.

Stepping out of the bathroom and going to find Lacey, he announced, "I think Jeff is coming."

"Here?" she asked, her head snapping up from the book in her hands and her face lighting up.

"Yeah, here," he said, nodding. "He asked where I'm staying and he told me to go outside in twenty minutes. Sounds like it to me, right?"

Lacey, nodded, glancing at the clock. "I want to meet him, you have to bring him up here."

"Of course, Lace, of course," he said with a soft laugh, rolling his eyes and already bracing himself for whatever catastrophic craziness or adorableness that would result from Lacey and Jeff associating with each other.

Fifteen minutes later, Nick found himself stepping out onto the sidewalk outside their hotel room, watching the street for any sign of the blond.

Eventually, a car pulled up by him, windows rolling down to reveal Jeff grinning at him. "Hey," he said.

"Hey," Nick replied. Glancing at the car—a two-door Jeep Wrangler that he would best describe as being olive green (the reject of all crayons, but somehow not a terrible color for a car, apparently)—he  added, "I kind of assumed you didn't have a car."

"I don't," he said, shaking his head. "Or, rather, not here. This is a rental. I've just always thought that these were really cool." He chuckled softly, shrugging.

"I see," he said, nodding. "Well, go park it, and you can come inside with me."

"Alright," Jeff said with a grin before going to do so, finding a parking spot then returning back to Nick on his feet.

"My sister is pretty excited to meet you," he said as he walked with him back inside.

"Oh?" Jeff asked, raising his eyebrows and looking over at him. "I take it you've mentioned me, then?"

"Of course I have," he said with a small shrug. "We've hung out, it's worth mentioning to her."

He nodded, humming softly. "Good things, right?"

"I don't think there's a single bad thing to say about you," he said, almost feeling embarrassed for how true he realized that statement was after the fact.

Jeff didn't say anything in reply, just followed after him to go into the hotel room.

Pretty much as soon as the door was open and they stepped inside, Lacey was on her feet and crossing the room towards them.

"Hi!" she said brightly, taking in the sight of Jeff.

"Hey," he said, holding out his hand for her to shake. "Jeff. You're... Lacey, right?"

"I am indeed," she said, smiling and shaking his hand. She kept hold of it, using the contact to pull him further into the suite and towards the couch to sit down. "I've heard plenty about you."

Nick inserted himself to sit between the two of them, wanting to give Jeff a buffer from his sister's entirely uncouth enthusiasm.

"I've been told," Jeff said with a smile, nodding. "I've heard a bit about you, too. Not much though."

Lacey looked at Nick and gave him a playful slap. "Hey, why haven't you told him all about me? I'm very hurt, baby brother," she said, and part of him wondered if she was intending to pull the embarrassing sibling card. If so, she was well on her way to succeeding.

"I'm sure you are," he said, rolling his eyes fondly.

"I really am," she said with a pout.

"Anyways," he said, looking back at Jeff and sighing as he saw that he was looking on at them with a fond look on his face. "You're being rude to our guest."

"The only rude one is you, for not telling him about me. I'm very important to you," she said with a laugh. She looked back at Jeff as well, smiling. "But really, it is great to meet you. You sound like you're being a pretty great friend for my little dork."

Jeff chuckled softly, shrugging. "I don't know," he said. "I try."

"And I'm fairly certain you succeed," she said, humming.

For the most part, their conversation from that point on was fairly innocuous. It was just the polite small talk of two people who had just met through a mutual friend, though Nick could tell that, given time and more access to each other, Jeff and his sister could probably become good friends. He liked the thought.

Eventually, the conversation came around to why exactly Jeff had showed up at their hotel out of the blue with a rental car.

"Well, that's easy," he answered. "I promised you more of an eventful, fun time, didn't I?"

"Yeah, you did," Nick said with a slow nod.

"If it's alright with you, I think that I'd like to take this on the road."

"On the road?" he echoed.

"Yeah," he said. "Like Jack Keroac. But with less drug use. Good old American road trip."

Nick paused for a moment, considering the thought. It would certainly be a departure from anything he had ever done before.

"Sounds like fun," Lacey said, nudging him. "You should go for it."

He nodded slowly, looking from her back to Jeff. "Yeah," he said, nodding. "I should. I will."

"Fantastic," Jeff said, grinning. "I was hoping you'd agree."

"Since the whole idea here is to get away from the life I'm used to, I'd have to be pretty ridiculous to not take this opportunity," he said, chuckling.

"Fair enough," he said, nodding.

Shortly after, they got up from the couch in order for Nick to start to gather up his things that had scattered throughout the hotel room over the course of his stay. Jeff laid on his bed and watched him, eventually falling asleep. Nick didn't have the heart to wake him up, and the bed was big enough that he didn't mind sharing it.


	7. July

It was pleasant, being in a car with Jeff.

At first, he was sure that he was going to regret it. Just putting his bags into the back of the Wrangler and giving Lacey a hug to say goodbye, he started to feel incredibly homesick (or maybe homesick wasn't the word, maybe something more like familiarity-sick, since he wasn't home, but he was leaving the comfort of having his sister there to talk to every night). But still, he wasn't quite ready to go back on his word, especially because Jeff really was such a nice person.

So, if he were to be perfectly honest, at the beginning of the drive, he was a bit tense and uncomfortable. He was leaving what had become something like a home, and with someone he was yes, okay, friends with, but he didn't really know him too well. Not to mention, he had never been in a car with him before, especially not for a long period of time. What if he was a reckless driver, or maybe what if he was just very anxious and stressed and that made the entire ride overall unpleasant?

As it turned out, and Nick should have known to expect this given everything that he had learned about Jeff so far, he had nothing to worry about. Jeff was just as laid back as ever, laughing and joking and even allowing Nick to pick out what they listened to on the radio.

The only annoying thing about being in the car with him was the fact that he wouldn't let on where he was headed. Usually, if Nick asked about their destination, the conversation would go something like this:

"Huh, looks like we've crossed another state line. So, where are we headed right now?"

"That's a pretty good question."

Then there would be a long pause in which Nick would hope (in vain) that he might go on to say something else that was more closely resembling an answer. But he never did, and that made part of him wonder if Jeff himself even knew what the plan was.

A few days passed in this fashion, the two of them just sitting in the car and chatting, sometimes singing along to the radio. Nick learned that Jeff was a pretty great singer, and when he commented on it, Jeff replied that he had been in chorus classes his entire educational career, so he certainly hoped that he'd gotten something out of it.

And of course, as promised, there was definitely the element of just plain old roadtripping that Jeff had promised. Whenever there was something that looked interesting, they would always stop and check it out and maybe take pictures with some of these said interesting things (Jeff was amazing at the art of the selfie).

Until, finally:

"I think I want to stay in this area for a while," Jeff announced, drawing Nick back from the edge of sleep.

Looking out the window and trying to figure out based on signs and licence plates on the cars around them where they were, Nick frowned slightly. "This area being...?"

"Somewhere in Tennessee," he said. "Not too sure where exactly. We can figure that part out once we get a hotel and everything."

"Tennessee?" Nick asked with a soft laugh. "You do remember me telling you that I lived in North Carolina, just next door to here, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, I do. But Tennessee is not North Carolina, so while you have lived close to here, you have not lived here, so it's still new and uncharted, full of possibilities," he said with a laugh. Grinning, he said, "Humor me."

Rolling his eyes fondly, he nodded. "Alright, alright. That's fine."

"Great," Jeff said with a wide smile. "Let's find a place to stay and drop off our stuff, I have spotted a couple of signs that indicate a petting zoo in town."

"A petting zoo," he repeated with a soft laugh, grinning over at him. "That's great."

"I thought so," he said, humming happily. He turned into a Holiday Inn parking lot, parking the car and unbuckling his seat belt. Starting to get out of the car, he said over his shoulder to Nick, "I'll be right back."

Nick nodded in response, sitting back in his seat. He stretched his arms out over his head, grateful to be done with sitting around in a car all day.

Jeff came back out of the lobby doors a few minutes later, getting back in the car. "Okay, so, I know that the past few nights we've just sort of shared a room, so I just did that again, two queens, you  know, but if you're not cool with that more longterm, that's fine, too. I can go back in and change it."

"It's fine," he said, cutting Jeff off before he had a chance to continue with his rambling. "I don't mind."

"Okay, good," he said, smiling as he put the car back into drive to move it somewhere more convenient to their room.

The grabbed their bags out of the trunk and made their way upstairs to their room, collapsing onto the beds practically as soon as their things were set down.

"This is good, this'll do," Jeff mumbled from his position spread-eagled over his bed.

"Yeah, it will," Nick agreed with a soft laugh, turning over onto his side to look over at him.

They sat there in silence for a bit, just relaxing laid out on their beds, before Jeff spoke again. "I know that I said we were going to go to the petting zoo, but I kind of want to just... take a nap and order in room service later."

"That's fine by me," he said, nodding. "We can just go to the petting zoo tomorrow instead or something."

"Exactly," he said, opening one eye to look over at Nick and give him a grin. He closed again a moment later, yawning and saying, "Yeah, I'm about to fall asleep."

"Me too," he replied, letting his eyes drift shut as well.

Neither of them moved from where they were to get under the blankets, too tired from the seemingly endless system of highways they had traveled through to get there. They just fell asleep as they were, both fully clothed on top of stiff hotel comforters side by side a couple yards apart.

***

The next morning, once they had both showered and dressed, they made their way down to the lobby for the continental breakfast.

"Weird request, but could you make the waffle for me?" Jeff asked with a soft laugh, holding the Dixie cup of batter up.

"Sure," Nick said, chuckling as he took the cup.

"I'm just really bad at it," he explained as he watched Nick pouring the batter over the surface. "And before you try to tell me that it's easy because there's that handy little timer there, I know, but somehow I always burn or spill shit anyways."

"Okay," he said with a nod. He laughed softly, closing the lid on the waffle maker before starting one for himself. "I didn't really know that that was a talent some people lacked."

"Wow, way to make me feel good about myself," Jeff said sarcastically, going over and putting bacon on a plate for them. There was still a smile on his face, though, so Nick could tell that he wasn't upset by it.

"Sorry," he said with a laugh, shaking his head. "But I'm just saying, they made these things pretty simple, probably for people like you."

"Then they clearly did not try hard enough," Jeff said, laughing.

"Clearly," he said. As the timer finished on the waffle maker, he opened the lid again and put the waffle onto a plate for Jeff.

"Beautiful," he said with a smile as he took the plate and brought it over to the table.

Nick got his own waffle and went to sit down with Jeff, smiling at him.

"Is it bad that I can't remember the last time that I watched the Today Show?" Jeff asked, gesturing at the TV where Kathie Lee and Hoda were discussing fashion tips.

"I don't think so," he said, shaking his head. "I mean, I don't watch it much, either. There's news on other times of the day, too."

"Yeah, I guess so," he said. "But there's just something very ocmforting about Matt Lauer," he said. Indicating the TV again, he added, "And my kid sister loves these two, so she likes to make me watch it with her."

Nick smiled softly at Jeff's words, nodding. "That's cute," he said.

"Everything about her is cute," he said with a nod.

For the most part after that, the meal was eaten in silence, both of them just watching the TV and laughing to themselves at the appropriate moments. When they were both finished eating, Jeff cleared their trash off the table before taking Nick's hand and leading him out to the car.

After a Google search on Nick's phone and a short drive made longer by  a number of wrong turns, they arrived at the petting zoo. Jeff insisted on paying for both of them to get in, as well as getting a cup of food to feed the animals with.

"This is underwhelming," Nick said under his breath to him as they stepped out of the small building at the front of the zoo. There was a wide lawn spread out in front of them with a jungle gym and a few benches in the middle of it, then a bit farther back were fences indicating where some animals, in theory, were.

"Shh, the signs made it sound pretty great, I'm reserving judgement," Jeff replied. He started for the fences, looking around. It was a bit before they saw anything, the area looking more like a worringly fenced-in playground than any sort of zoo. For a bit, Nick was starting to wonder about the legitimacy of this place, and why they had bought such a large cup of food when there were smaller options available. Sure enough, though, after a bit longer, they finally came upon an animal. Jeff broke out into a run when he saw a mini horse, grinning. "Nick! Look!"

He laughed softly as he followed after him, rolling his eyes fondly.

Once they were both standing at the fence, the horse started to stick its face through the fence, clearly knowing that with people came food. Jeff fiddled with the cup to get a handful of food, chattering at the animal happily. "Hello, there, you," he said brightly. "You're very majestic, even if you are smaller than most horses. I don't blame you for that, that's just how you're meant to be, I guess – hey!"

Nick raised an eyebrow at Jeff until he looked down. The horse had seemingly gotten impatient with him, and had reached its neck out as far as it could go and took hold of his shorts.

Jeff pulled the fabric back with the hand that didn't have food in it, frowning and taking a step back. "Rude," he said.

Nick chuckled softly, reaching out and trying to pet the horse. It moved its head out of the way, still eyeing the food in Jeff's hand.

"No," he said, shaking his head. "I don't even want to feed you. I'll eat this food myself, you're that rude."

"Don't eat the food yourself," Nick said with a soft laugh. "That's gross."

"I know, but I'd do it," he said, chuckling. "I'd make that sacrifice."

After another attempt at grabbing his jeans, Jeff relented, holding his hand out and letting the horse eat the food off of it.

"Now look what you've done," Nick teased him. "You've taught him that taking your shorts will lead to him getting food."

"Oops," he said, chuckling. "My bad. C'mon, let's go, before he tries again." He gestured for Nick to keep walking, going with him further down the path.

A minute or so later, a deer appeared at the edge of the fence, prancing up to them from somewhere further out. It nosed at the fence, looking up at them with big eyes.

"You're adorable!" Jeff said with a smile, getting a handful of food.

As Nick got some food in his hand to feed the deer as well, he watched Jeff offer up his hand to it.

"Oh," he said, pulling his hand back and looking at it. "He's very drooly."

"I mean, he's probably just hungry, I guess that makes sense," Nick said with a soft laugh as he held out his hand. Sure enough, as soon as he touched the fur on the bottom of the deer's chin, he could feel the drool there. The deer licked the food off of his hand, and when he pulled it back, his skin was slick with spit.

"Wipe it off on him," Jeff suggested with a smile, chuckling softly. He himself seemed to be doing just that, his hand slipped between the fencing and stroking the deer's neck. "He's really soft, and he thinks you're just petting him. I've learned that from having a dog."

"Then don't you have to wash the dog?" Nick asked, chuckling as he took Jeff's advice and wiped his hand off on the deer, who turned its attention back to trying to get food from Jeff.

"Eventually, sure," he said with a shrug, getting more food to feed to the deer. "But dogs are pretty good at just sort of... not being dirty, even when they're dirty, you know?"

"Not really," Nick said with a soft laugh, shaking his head.

"That's a shame," he said, watching as Nick fed the deer again. "Didn't you ever have a dog growing up?"

"Nope," he said, shaking his head. "We had a cat or two, but I guess we just sort of never got a dog. I mean, we moved around a lot, you know, so I guess it just wasn't worth the hassle."

Jeff shook his head. "Now that's just not true," he said. "A dog is always worth the hassle."

"I'm not disagreeing with you," he said with a soft laugh, shrugging. "But as a kid, that decision was definitely out of my hands."

"Unfortunate," Jeff said, shaking his head. "I think that every kid should have a dog growing up. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love cats, too, but I feel like dogs provide something in a kid's life that a cat just doesn't."

"Excitement every time you come home?" he said.

"Exactly," he said with a soft laugh. "Dogs are just so excitable, and that's what makes them great for kids, because you know who else is super excitable? That's right: kids."

"That's true," Nick said, nodding. "So, what kind of dog did you have?"

"A series of golden retrievers," Jeff said with a smile. "The most recent one is... I want to say she's four now. Sweetest dog in the world."

They stayed there for a bit longer, taking turns petting and feeding the deer as Jeff talked and told stories about his dogs (there were at the moment, the probably-four-year-old named Daisy and a seven-year-old named Tucker). Eventually they both declared their hands too saliva-covered and decided to move on, continuing down the dirt path that was the zoo.

Several minutes passed before Jeff sighed and announced, "I am starting to believe that those were the only two animals they have."

"That might be true," Nick replied with a soft laugh, glancing around them. There was mostly nothing but overgrown grass, though a bit further along he could see that there was a pond. "Let's go over there, it might be nice, at least."

Chuckling softly, the blond nodded and started heading over in that direction. "I hope there are fish!"

"Fish could account for some of the animals that they claimed they have," he said with a laugh.

"Very true!" he agreed, grinning. "Though I believe I was told there were goats, which I'm kind of bitter about."

"It's not too late, there could be goats somewhere here."

"I'm beginning to doubt it," he said, sighing as he sat down on a stone bench by the edge of the pond. Looking down, he grabbed a few pellets of food out of the cup and tossed them into the water. Sure enough, after a few seconds there were a couple of large fish making ripples on the surface, snatching up the food.

"Huh," Nick said, chuckling as he watched them. "I wasn't really expecting any fish. Or at least, not live ones."

"Me neither," he replied with a laugh, his eyes still glued to where the fish were still swimming around in a frenzy though the food was gone. "Definitely glad they're alive. I'm pretty sure that no fish would be better than dead fish."

Nick laughed softly at that, nodding. "Absolutely," he said. "In fact, so, when I lived in Ohio, we had a pretty big property, and there was a pond on it. So this one time I took a girl out there—”

"I am already terrified of how this story is going to go," he said, covering his face with his hands.

"It's not... _too_ bad," he said, shaking his head and laughing before continuing. "So, we sat on this little pier, and we were just kind of talking. There was a faint smell of dead fish in the air, but that just happened sometimes. I wasn't about to let it ruin my evening. It was going great, we were having a good time, so a good moment came along, and I decided it would be a great idea to kiss her. So I go ahead and I go for it; I lean in to kiss her. But as soon as I do that, she sees something over my shoulder and freaks out."

"Dead fish?" Jeff asked, looking up from tossing another handful of food to the fish with a raised eyebrow.

"Dead fish," he said, nodding. "She was, understandably, pretty freaked out, and the moment was no longer right to kiss her. She really just wanted to get the hell out of there at that point."

"That's pretty bad," he said sympathetically.

"No, what's bad is the fact that I thought it would be totally acceptable to get a large stick, hook the fish with it, then fling the fish back into the deeper water."

"You did not."

"I did."

"Nicholas," he said, his tone and face practically screaming 'disappointed parent'.

"I know, I know," he said, holding his hands up. "I am fully aware how that was not a great move."

"You could've gone back to deal with the fish after you had gotten the damsel back to safety," Jeff said, still shaking his head in disbelief.

"I realize that in hindsight," he said. "But I didn't think anything of it at the time. Lacey was never bothered by weird and/or gross things like that."

"She grew up with... two, right? She grew up with two brothers," he pointed out.

Nick laughed softly at that, shaking his head slowly as he looked back on the memory. "Yeah, I really could have handled that situation better to make that a better date," he said. "On the plus side, though, she was really nice about it."

"Yeah?" Jeff asked, raising an eyebrow. "Did you go out with her again?"

"No," he said with a slightly self-deprecating laugh. "Never. But she didn't say anything about it to people at school. And it was, like, a tiny school, too, so if she had told anyone, everyone would have known."

"Right," he said, nodding. "I can relate; private school. This one time I threw up on a guy and the next thing I knew, everyone knew about it. But, I mean, everyone was nice about it. You have to be, since everyone has shit like that happen. You never know when it'll be you next."

"Sounds terrifying," he said with a laugh.

"I literally just said that everyone was nice about it, god, Nick, do you listen when I talk?" Jeff teased and gave him a playful shove.

"Nope, actually, all I hear when you open your mouth is... well, it's like when adults talk in Charlie Brown's world," he said, nudging him back.

Ever the dramatic, Jeff threw himself to the ground as Nick's elbow connected with his side. "I have never been more hurt in my life," he said, trying to keep a straight face but proving incapable of holding the laugh out of his voice. "I cannot believe you would wound me like this."

"Sorry," he said with a laugh as he held out his arm to him, letting him take his hand to pull him back up.

Getting to his feet, Jeff turned slightly and looked down at himself. "Oh god, I'm covered in dirt," he said with a heavy sigh.

"Yeah, you really did," Nick agreed. For a second his hand was about to reach out and brush some of the dirt off for him, but then he thought better of wiping dirt off of another man's ass.

"I'm not great at thinking things through," he said, laughing. He glanced around them, sighing softly. "Okay, so, I think we're about done here. Want to leave and swing by the hotel real quick so I can change my pants?"

Part of Nick wanted to tell him that it was just dirt, and that a little bit of dirt never hurt anyone, but he decided against it. After all, he was entirely alright with the idea of leaving. "Yeah, that works," he said, nodding. "We can get some lunch after."

"I like the way you think, Duval," he said with a grin, getting to his feet. He grabbed the bucket of food again, holding it out over the water for a moment before upending it. All of the pellets left spilled into the water, sending the fish below into a frenzy. The two men watched them for a moment and laughed at the antics as some pushed each other practically out of the water in their eagerness, then turned and headed back up the trail together.

Once they were almost to the exit, Jeff stopped in his tracks. "No way."

Nick furrowed his brow in confusion, turning and following his gaze. There, behind a small area of picnic tables, was a smaller trail and a sign which read "Goats" with an arrow below it.

"We're going," he said and turned to go down the trail without waiting to see if the brunette was following (which he was, of course).

After a short walk, they indeed found themselves in front of a large pen full of at least in the neighborhood of two dozen goats, some much younger than others.

"Oh my god, look at that baby one!" Jeff said excitedly, grinning as he walked up to the fence. The goats started to approach the fence as well, the larger ones nudging their smaller and younger companions out of the way.

Nick knelt down to look at the one that he was trying to indicate, a baby goat that was black and white and currently backing away to get out of the way of the larger goats. "I feel bad for him," he said with a small frown as he watched.

"I know," he agreed with a sigh, kneeling down beside him and frowning. He reached out and petted the faces of some of the goats, all the while chastising them, "Stop it with the horns, be polite, wait your turn... No, sorry, no food here, no need to use your mouth... Let the babies come meet Jeffy, too."

Nick moved forward and started to interact with the goats as well, smiling to himself. Some of them seemed conflicted between the two people giving them attention, while others went to Nick until they realized that neither of the two of them had food to offer and quickly lost interest in the human visitors entirely. "If only we'd known to keep the food," he said with a soft laugh, looking over at Jeff.

"Damn us," he said with a sigh, shaking his head. "Those fish didn't appreciate it enough."

Once the trend began of leaving them because of their lack of food, more goats followed suit until there was just a couple of very persistent, grumpy-looking ones.

After trying (and failing) to braid both of their beards, Jeff stood up. "Well, that was fun," he chuckled. "But I guess their furry little cold shoulders mean we ought to go."

Nick chuckled softly as he stood back up, nodding in agreement. He started to turn to leave, actually getting a few steps away before realizing that Jeff was not following. He turned back around to face him, raising an eyebrow.

"I have an idea," Jeff said, putting his hand on the top of the fence.

"What is it?" he asked, though part of him was thinking that he probably did not want to actually know the answer to that question.

In lieu of an answer, Jeff glanced around to check that there was no one around before he started to heft himself over the fence.

"What are you doing?" Nick asked, his voice taking on a hushed tone out of habit when doing something wrong rather than out of any need to be quiet.

"We wanted this to be a thrilling adventure, right?" he asked, looking back at him.

"Well... Yes...?"

"Okay, then. What's more thrilling than stealing a goat?"

"Stealing a goat?" he echoed, frowning.

"Yeah, stealing a goat," he repeated with a nod. He lifted his arm to point, adding, "That's the parking lot over there. Just another fence away. Easy getaway. It'll be great."

Part of Nick wanted to tell him that it was a horrible idea. He wanted to talk Jeff down from committing grand theft livestock and help him back over the fence, but at the same time... He had never done anything like this. He had never misbehaved in any real way his whole life, and this... This really would be the kind of escapade he was craving when he went with Lacey to California.

So he didn't say anything, instead just watching (and keeping watch at the same time) as Jeff went further into the pen past the goats which were beginning to crowd around him again. He went straight for one of the baby goats, a small black and white one, getting close to it and petting it before picking it up. Once he was holding it firmly under his arm, he rushed back to the fence, handing it over to Nick.

"Go over to the parking lot fence," he said as he started to hop back over, his eyes darting around quickly.

Nick did as he was told, carrying the goat over to the fence separating them from the parking lot, with Jeff following after him.

Once they reached the barrier, Jeff once again went ahead and went over it first, then reached back to take the goat from Nick. "You can get over, right?" he asked.

"Yeah, of course," he said. Which he could, though being a bit shorter and evidently less experienced at things such as fence hopping, he took a bit longer, much to his blond companion's amusement.

Jeff did his best to carry the goat as inconspicuously as possible, though there was only so much a person could do when carrying a goat. He fished around in his pocket with his free hand for the car keys, unlocking the car and putting the goat in as quickly as he could.

Through the drive back to the hotel, Nick had to continuously look back at the goat and encourage it to stay calm and stop bleeting.

If Nick were to be perfectly honest with himself, there would be one thing he would have to admit: he had no idea whatsoever he got to the point he was at the night after stealing the goat. The facts he could tell you about that night are as follows: they found a liquor store a block from the hotel that had no qualms with selling alcohol to two boys who were clearly minors, he got incredibly wasted (for a reason he is entirely unsure of), Jeff was an even more likable person while drunk, and goats are incredibly loud creatures.

Because of goats being so loud, they quickly realized that keeping the goat just hanging around in their hotel room would not go well, for reasons that did not end with the hotel management inevitably finding out and kicking them out.

"Which... that'd be kinda cool, you know?" Jeff slurred as he pondered the thought, laying on his back on Nick's bed beside him (part of him thought that maybe this was another reason that he took to Jeff so easily: Jeff and Lacey were remarkably similar people in some ways, such as a lack of care for Nick's personal space). "Like... we'd be _outlaws_."

"I don't think that I'd like being an outlaw," he replied, shaking his head slowly.

"S'okay," he shook his head. "We'd be hotel outlaws. Not real ones."

"Cool," he said, nodding slowly. He groaned as he heard a _bahhh_ of agreement from the bathroom where they had closed the goat in, rolling over to look towards the room.

There was  long moment of silence that stretched out between them before Jeff clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and sat up. "I'm going to give the goat a bath," he announced as he got to his feet, swaying a bit as he made his way to the bathroom. A few moments later, Nick could hear the water cutting on.

He lost track of the next several minutes, and when piecing together all of the parts of that evening, he thinks that he was probably lulled to sleep by the alcohol working its way through his body and sound of the shower. All that he knew for sure, though, was that the next thing he knew, Jeff was back in the bed with him, slightly damp and wearing different clothes than he had been.

"Goaty does not enjoy baths," he said with a soft laugh.

"Surprising," he said, chuckling.

"But he's clean now," he informed him with a bright smile.

"Good," he said. Nick tried to sit up, yawning as he did so. His gaze landed on Jeff's inner ankle, where the edge of something on his skin peeked out from under his sweatpants. Too drunk to care that the action might come across as weird, he reached out and tugged the fabric up to reveal a small tattoo of an elephant holding a bundle of balloons.

"That's my leg," Jeff mumbled, rubbing his hand over his face. "I haven't shaved lately."

For a moment that statement snagged on Nick's brain, but he couldn't hold onto it for long enough to ask, so instead he just said, "Elephant."

"Elephant?" he repeated, confusion clear in his voice.

"Elephant," he said with a nod, gesturing to his ankle.

"Oh! Elephant," Jeff chuckled, nodding. "Got it for Birdy. She loves elephants. So much."

After a moment, he was able to place the name. "Your sister, right?"

"Yep," he said. "Only girl I'll ever love." He chuckled softly, grinning and putting his hand over his heart.

Nick just watched him for a moment, taking in how his hair was falling into his eyes in the front (Nick's hands itched to reach out and push it out of the way) and the way his lips were still pulled back in that warm smile that had captivated him right from the start.

He wanted to find a good way to articulate how interesting Jeff was to him, and how grateful he was to have him in his life. He wanted to tell him exactly how much he meant to him and how he was fascinated by the life he lived and how different it was from his own. He wanted to find the right words to portray the compulsion he felt towards him.

What all of that boiled down to, as it transpired, was a fairly embarrassing, "You're really confusing."

Jeff reached up and grabbed his arm, pulling him back down so that they were both laying on their sides, facing each other. "I'm confusing?" he asked with a soft laugh.

"Yeah, you are," he affirmed.

"Confusing how?"

Nick was silent for a long moment, his hands gesturing uselessly as he once again searched for the right words to convey what he was trying to get across to him. "You're easily the most interesting person I've ever met," he said. "And you bring me into it. There's a goat in the bathroom."

"That's true, there is," he said with a nod, gesturing for him to go on.

"And I really like that," he said, shifting in closer to him with a smile. "You're probably about the best person I've ever met."

"That's probably not true."

"No, it is, I promise," he said, entirely serious as if he had somehow systematically gone through all of the people he had ever met and was able to state with certainty that yes, Jeff took the cake, he was the best out of all of them. He was silent for another moment before adding, "It's weird, you know, because... I know so much about you and I know so little at the same time, and sometimes I get this feeling... I kind of want to kiss you."

That statement sobered Jeff up quickly, and he shook his head, suddenly getting much more serious. "That's not a good idea," he said. He sighed softly, reaching out and stroking Nick's hair gently. "Okay, it's late and you're drunk, let's get you to sleep."

"I don't want to," Nick said, shaking his head slightly even though he was dimly aware of the fact that he was just a few seconds away from falling asleep if he stopped making an effort to stay awake.

Jeff didn't say anything in response to that, just got to his feet and went to turn the light off in the room. He flipped the switch and the room was blanketed in darkness so that Nick couldn't see anything, though he felt the bed dip down as Jeff got back in, apparently having decided to settle in there for the night.

By the morning, Nick remembered nothing of having said any of it, being as half-asleep and still drunk as he was, and needed to be reminded before he remembered.

***

Nick woke up with his nose buried in blond hair and strong, warm arms wrapped around him. He immediately fell back asleep, pressing his face into Jeff's hair more to block out the sun that was creeping in through the curtains.

***

The next time Nick woke up, all he was aware for a moment was the fact that the warmth radiating from the body against his was retreating. He groaned, reaching out for him to pull him back in.

"Shh," Jeff shushed him. "I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

He let himself relax back into the bed, comforted by Jeff's reassurances. Sure enough, his friend was back in the bed after a couple of minutes, and he drifted off again easily.

***

The third time that he woke up seemed to be more permanent, the clock on the table between the beds telling him that it was about noon. Jeff was half-asleep beside him, waking up more as he stretched his arms out over his head.

"Morning," he mumbled to him.

"Good morning," Jeff said back, yawning and resting his head against him shoulder. They stayed like that for a moment, just looking at each other as their bodies curled up together, before Jeff spoke again. "I'm hungry."

"I don't want to move," he said.

"Me neither."

It was another several minutes before one of them suggested that they call room service to bring them food. With their hangovers, they agreed that breakfast food appealed to them more than anything else, so they called and got probably a ridiculous amount of food.

When it arrived they set it up on the bed between their bodies, eating their fill before banishing the tray and other assorted food trash to Jeff's bed so that they could get back huddled up against each other. They turned the TV on, both of them watching TLC in silence from their positions tangled up in each other.

"Is this weird?" Jeff asked after a bit, his voice soft and sounding almost hesitant, seemingly a foreign concept to come from him.

"No," he replied, shaking his head. "It's just... puppy piles. Me and Charlie and Lacey hang out like this all the time."

(In hindsight, looking back on that moment, Nick might be willing to admit that most of the time his puppy piles with his siblings were decidedly less... affectionate and touchy-feely. Never did he ever nuzzle his face into Charlie's neck.)

"Okay," Jeff said with a small nod, sighing softly and relaxing into him more.

So they stayed like that most of the day, only getting up in order to go to the bathroom and to check up on the goat. There was something just ridiculously enjoyable about being curled up with Jeff, their arms and legs tangled together and holding their bodies so that getting up became more of a task and thus got to be a bit more discouraged.

Laying there like that, Jeff proved to be just as affectionate as he had been so far in their relationship. Just like he never shied away from taking a hold of Nick's hands, he was just as willing to run his fingers through his hair or to run his hand down his side. His touch made a comforting warmth run through Nick, and it allowed him to forget all about the fact that he was starting to get homesick again and how he had an ex-girlfriend possibly pregnant with possibly his baby. Instead, all he had to think about was having a lazy day cuddling and watching TV with a guy that was quickly becoming his best friend.

Well, actually, no, there was one other thing that he had to think about.

"We really should not have kidnapped a goat," he said, breaking the relative silence during a commercial break.

It was a moment before Jeff said anything. "That's true," he admitted with a small nod.

"Like, that, in hindsight, was a really bad idea."

"That's true."

"Do you regret it?"

"Not one bit," he said, looking up at him with a grin. "Do you, Nicholas?"

"Not one bit," he repeated back to him, chuckling softly.

"Alright, great," he said. "Though... You are totally right in the fact that we should not have done it, and we probably need to do something about it."

"Suppose there's a good way to just... return him?" Nick asked with a soft laugh.

"Probably not," he replied, chuckling and shaking his head. "They're probably not too happy that we took the goat in the first place, yet at the same time I just know that they won't be grateful and reward us when we return him."

"We could pretend to be the heroes of the story," he laughed. "Like, say, 'what? No, we have no idea where this goat came from, but we're sure he belongs to you'."

"Sounds like a great plan," Jeff said with a grin, lifting up his hand to give him a thumbs up.

"It is," he said, smiling back at him. "Though I'm not sure that they would agree."

"Well, fuck 'em," he said, chuckling and shaking his head.

"Also a great plan," Nick said.

"I know," he said. A moment later, he shrugged and said, "We could just sneak him back in."

"Same way we got him?"

"Same way we got him," Jeff affirmed with a nod. "But at night, just because, well, one: doing things at night makes those things automatically about five times more awesome, and two: there will be less people around to see us bringing a baby goat back into a petting zoo."

"Yeah, that sounds like an actually good, realistic plan," he said with a nod.

"Wonderful," he said with a grin. "But before we do that, I still want to have a little more time with Goaty."

"Okay," Nick agreed, chuckling. "A couple of days, max, though."

"Of course, of course," he said.

With that decided, Jeff rested his head back down against Nick's shoulder, snuggling into him as the commercial break ended and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo came back on.

***

Three days, several coffee cups, four room service calls, and a copious amount of selfies with the goat later, the evening fell on the night they had decided that they were going to return him.

"I'm really going to miss this guy," Jeff said with a sigh as he knelt down on the bathroom floor in front of the goat. He pulled at the shirt they had put on him (one of several, as it were, because nothing is funnier than animals wearing people clothes, _nothing_ ) to take it off.

"Me too," Nick said with a soft laugh from his vantage point sitting on the bathroom counter watching him.

"Like hell you will," he replied teasingly, glancing up at him for a second. "You barely interacted with him this whole time."

"I so have," he said with a laugh, shaking his head.

"Nope, you really haven't," he said, finally getting the button-up off and tossing it in Nick's face with a grin.

"Yeah, I have," he protested, catching the shirt and setting it down beside him. "Just... Not as much as you."

"Which translates to having barely played with him at all," he chuckled, shaking his head.

"Not true."

This argument carried on through them bringing the goat out into the car and the drive over to the petting zoo, where Nick finally conceded that yes, maybe he had barely interacted with the goat (and, by extension, wasted the precious time that they all had had together).

(In his defense, though, the goat lived in the bathroom. It was terribly awkward to spend time with a goat after it has watched you shower and vomit and other assorted bathroom activities.)

As they got the goat out of the back of the Jeep in the entirely empty petting zoo parking lot, Nick's nerves started to get to him. He hadn't worried about it all too much since they had come up with the plan to put him back where he came from, but now that they were actually doing it, he was getting nervous about what could happen.

Jeff seemed to be able to sense this, seeing as he stopped what he was doing and turned to face him. "Relax," he said. "Look at this place. It's not exactly Fort Knox. There aren't any, like, cameras out here."

Just to be sure of what Jeff said, he had to glance around him to check for himself. There didn't appear to be any cameras, but if the security was good enough, maybe he just didn't see them.

But since Jeff didn't seem too concerned about it, and since he wasn't going to be the one actually carrying the goat back into his home, Nick decided he needed to just relax and let it happen, following after Jeff to the fence they'd jumped over a few days back.

As it turned out, getting back into the zoo was no problem at all. They returned to the pen their goat had been in with ease, putting him back down where he could roam free without a care in the word.

"Just one problem," Nick said with a small frown.

"What?" Jeff asked. "Look how happy he is."

"None of the other goats are outside," he said, gesturing around them. Pointing to a large building in the back of the pen, he added, "If I had to guess, they're all in there."

"Probably pretty cramped in there," Jeff said with a small frown, walking over. There was a door on the front of the building, a lock holding it shut. "Damn, I was hoping that whoever is in charge of this would've gotten lazy."

"Considering they just had a goat stolen, I'm not exactly surprised," he commented, looking at the lock with a small frown. "Got any ideas?"

Looking down at the lock in his hands, Jeff nodded slightly. "Yeah, totally," he said. "I can pick locks." He pulled a pen from his pocket, grinning at Nick before kneeling down.

Nick watched him for a moment before looking back out at the goat, which was wandering around aimlessly, probably overwhelmed by the fact that it was in such a familiar environment but wasn't being pushed around by several bigger and older goats. Beside him, Jeff was making noises of frustration (with the occasional pleased noise thrown in as well) as he fiddled with the lock, and he couldn't bring himself to ask about his skill level at picking locks. Granted, Nick himself was no expert, but wasn't it supposed to be a fairly quick thing?

A loud thud from somewhere farther in the zoo caused them both to jump, then look at each other.

"Does Goaty really need to be in here with all the other goats?" Jeff asked.

"No," Nick said, shaking his head. "He'll be right back with them first thing in the morning."

"Great," he said. "My thoughts exactly." With that, he took hold of Nick's hand and took off, leading him out of the goat exhibit then out of the zoo to their car.

Once they were safely in the car on their way back to the hotel, Jeff laughed and said softly, "You know, that was probably just an animal. Like, Drooly the Wonder Deer was having a moment or something."

"Probably," he agreed, chuckling. "But we had no way to know that."

"If we had stopped to think for a moment, we probably would have reached that conclusion," he said.

"Maybe," Nick said. "You know, honestly, I'm just going to go ahead and give ourselves credit and just assume, regardless of how untrue this assumption is, that there is some sort of night guard that was about to bust us."

"Sounds good," he said with a laugh, nodding in approval. He looked at the road ahead of them, a grin on his lips.

"What's that look for?"

"You've been around me too long," Jeff said. "You're starting to think like I am."

"Oh dear," he said, shaking his head.

Jeff let out a loud laugh. "Dear. Deer," he said.

"Dork," he said, rolling his eyes fondly at him.

"And proud."

They bantered back and forth until they got back to the hotel room, where Jeff flung himself onto his bed and announced with a grin, "I'm not tired at all."

"Which is why you got in bed," Nick said and raised an eyebrow at him, sitting down on his bed facing him.

"It was a soft place to land," he said. He got to his feet, standing on his bed and looking down at Nick. "Are you tired?"

Nick shrugged, shaking his head. "No, not really," he said.

"Great!" he said, jumping from one bed to the other. He leaned down and grabbed Nick's hands, pulling him to stand up with him. "Jump with me."

"You're literally a child," he told him with a laugh.

"That is entirely true," he grinned, jumping and pulling him with him.

Their conversation quickly devolved into just laughter and exclamations of how much fun they were having as they jumped on the bed, going from one bed to the other and stomping all over the sheets that the maid had fixed while they were out earlier in the day.

They kept going until they were both gasping for air in between their laughter, collapsing down onto the bed beside each other.

They laid there like that for a bit before Nick spoke up.

"I want to look at the sky," he said.

Jeff glanced over at him, nodding slightly. "What, this popcorn ceiling isn't doing wonders for the general aesthetic here?"

"Surprisingly enough, no, I'm not really enjoying that," he said, sitting up. He started to get to his feet, grabbing Jeff's hands and pulling him up like he had done to Nick earlier.

They went downstairs and outside, finding a bench outside the hotel in a quiet area. Sitting down on the bench, they both turned their eyes up to the stars sprayed out over the sky above them.

For the next several hours, they just sat there, watching the stars and clouds and airplanes overhead, making conversation. It was easy, words ranging from completely lighthearted (Jeff explaining the game he played with his friends—which was literally just saying "airplane" when you saw an airplane and getting a point for it, though like on Whose Line the points did not matter) to completely serious (Jeff's fears about getting older and having to mature faster than he was ready to; what Nick was feeling about his situation with Natalie). There was something so effortless and easy-flowing about it that Nick really didn't feel like any time was actually passing at all. So it completely caught him by surprise when the sky started to turn pink as the sun began to peek up from the horizon.

"We've been up all night," he said, blinking. He glanced around him, just now realizing that maybe he was a bit tired after all.

"That's true," Jeff said with a small nod, chuckling. "Weird."

"Yeah," he agreed, nodding. "I don't think I've ever pulled an all-nighter, to be honest."

"Well, then, I'm glad I could be here for such a big milestone," he said with a smile.

"I'm glad, too," Nick said, shifting in closer to him and leaning in so that he could rest his head against his shoulder. He yawned, his eyelids growing increasingly heavy. Suddenly facing an onslaught of sleepiness, he let himself fall asleep curled up against Jeff, who just smiled fondly and wrapped an arm around him.


	8. August

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for how late and short this is! I just started my first semester of college, so, I've barely had time to sit down with this and get it done. So the next few chapters might also be a bit late. But I'll try and get them up at reasonable times!

Nick had come to a couple of realizations by the beginning of August. The first was that his feelings towards Jeff were becoming something more than simply the kind a person would feel for their best friend (a fact that his drunken mind had put together a while ago, but his sober self was more willing to attribute any strange impulses to how lonely he felt outside of his friendship with Jeff).

Every time Jeff did something endearing and this thought came back to the front of Nick’s mind, he stuttered his next few words and quickly pushed it away again. It wasn’t that he was that afraid of those feelings or anything, nor was he afraid of the fact that his long-held assumption that he was perfectly straight was not true. While that thought might have startled him when he was younger, given the year that he had had, he wasn’t sure that anything was going to surprise him anymore.

And he wasn’t even that worried that Jeff didn’t feel the same way about him, which made him feel arrogant to think. After all, right from the very start, Jeff had proved himself to be a very touchy-feely, affectionate, and complimentary person. And to think that that kind of person had feelings for him just because he was gay was, well, presumptuous, to say the least. But still, Nick just had a feeling (or at least a hope) that Jeff felt the same feelings that he felt for him. Either way, though, he was not planning on acting on these feelings without knowing.

The second realization was simultaneously easier and harder to swallow than the first: he was going to have to talk to Natalie about… well, everything. Part of him wanted to ignore it, to pretend that it was not happening so that maybe he could just forget about it and not let it affect him. But he knew that if she really was having a baby that was potentially his, he couldn’t just ignore that. He would have to face that reality one way or another, and he was having a hard time thinking about it. He hadn’t been willing to get onto Facebook since June, when he had looked up both Jeff and Natalie.

So, just as he had started to do whenever there was anything on his mind that needed to get out, he talked to Jeff.

“I mean, she should at least try and keep up contact with me somewhat, right?” Nick was saying, sitting a bit crookedly in his seat in the car to face Jeff more.

“Probably,” he agreed, nodding. He glanced out of the corner of his eye at Nick, giving him a small smile. “And, well, she’s likely kind of scared to, given everything, but… You do still deserve that. But, you know… It’s not like—”

“If I don’t absolutely have to, I would really like to avoid talking to her first,” he said before he could finish.

“I get that, I do,” Jeff said with a nod. Drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as he watched the highway somewhere in Illinois stretched out in front of him, he stayed silent for a moment before speaking again. “But I do think that if she doesn’t make any attempt to contact you, you really should. She’d probably appreciate it, and I’m sure you would feel better afterwards.”

Nick let out a long breath, nodding slowly. He both loved and hated the fact that Jeff was one of those people who was willing to tell you something that you didn’t really want to hear when he needed to. “Yeah, I guess I would,” he said.

“But don’t, you know, get back together with her,” he added with a soft laugh, shaking his head.

“Oh god, no,” he said, shaking his head. “No chance of that. I’m done.”

“Good,” he said with a satisfied nod. “Don’t get yourself wrapped up in that again. She cheated on you, and besides, being generous, she’s a… six. A soft six.”

“What? No way,” he said. “She’s a ten. Or at least a nine. Not a six. Anything less than seven is insulting.”

“Sorry, Nick, but you were settling,” he said. “Even if you weren’t completely out of her league—”

“You’re gay, how would you know?” he said, laughing.

Jeff chuckled, glancing over at him and shaking his head. “Being gay doesn’t mean that I can’t assess a woman’s looks,” he said. “In fact, it makes me a better judge. I’m not biased.”

“No, that could mean that you’re biased against all of them,” he pointed out.

“Fair, but I’m not,” he said. “Some girls are just undeniably beautiful. Like, say, your sister.”

“She’s not here, your flattery will get you nowhere,” Nick replied, chuckled and shaking his head.

“Just stating the facts,” he said with a grin. “To prove my point, that I am a good judge of girls’ beauty.”

“That’s two examples, one of which I disagree with, and the other I’d feel weird agreeing with.”

“What, you’re not willing to say that your sister is beautiful?”

“You don’t rate people on a scale of one to ten if you’re not, well, into them,” he said. “Or very not into them, but you get what I mean.”

“You totally can rate people who you are friends with or related to or anything. The rating scale is not just about banging.”

“But mostly it’s about banging,” Nick replied with a laugh.

“Somewhat,” he said, shaking his head. “But when you say that, you’re just objectifying women for the sake of objectifying them.”

“Alright, alright,” he said. “Bottom line, okay, yes, Lacey is beautiful.”

“Of course she is,” he replied, humming. “She’s related to you.”

Nick just looked over at him, taking in a soft breath and chuckling softly. Before he could say anything else, a loud boom of thunder startled both of them.

“The weather report said that it wasn’t going to rain,” Jeff said with a frown. Glancing over at Nick, he added, “Right? It didn’t say that it was going to rain?”

“Yeah, you definitely said it said it wasn’t going to rain when you checked earlier,” he affirmed, nodding.

“And that kind of sounds like rain,” he said.

“It could be a… dry storm?” Nick said with a shrug. “Or maybe we’re just passing through and it could miss us.”

“I certainly hope so,” he said. “Because while I don’t _like_ driving when it’s cloudy out, I was willing to live with that. But I hate driving when it’s actually raining more than anything.”

“If it starts to rain, we could switch,” he offered.

“If you want,” he said, shrugging. “I mean, I’m fully capable of driving in the rain, I’m just not a big fan of it.”

Nick nodded, shrugging. “Whatever you want.”

“Ideally, it isn’t even going to rain,” Jeff said. “Like, gosh, rain? What’s that? I’ve never heard of it.”

“Right,” he said with a soft laugh, rolling his eyes fondly.

For the next few minutes, Jeff proceeded to continue to make comments about how he had no idea what rain was and that “even if I did, I’m pretty sure I got immunizations for that” as the sky grew darker and more ominous. Sure enough, after a bit longer, droplets of water started to land on their windshield.

“At least it’s a light rain,” Nick said, looking out the window.

Jeff nodded, humming. “Definitely a good thing,” he agreed.

Practically as soon as those words were out of his mouth, though, the rain picked up and the sound of it on the roof of the Wrangler drowned out the radio as well as his groan of, “We jinxed it.”

“If it helps, I think we jinxed it before it even started raining,” Nick said. “You know, teasing the rain and all.”

“Oh, shut up,” Jeff said with a laugh, reaching over to give him a shove. “I thought that it might help.”

“Well, that was dumb,” he chuckled.

“I will kick you out of this car,” he said, glancing over at him for a second with a grin.

“You wouldn’t,” he replied, shaking his head. “You like me too much for that. I’m too cute.”

“Make no mistake, Duval, I am the cute one here,” he said.

“Who made that decision?”

“I did,” he said, chuckling. “Just now.”

As long as they kept talking, driving in the rain was much more manageable for Jeff. He didn’t seem to be bothered by how gloomy it was, so long as they kept their own spirits up and kept laughing.

Of course, all good things have to come to an end, and eventually the asphalt stretching out ahead of them started to resemble something more river than road. Even in a heavier vehicle, with the torrential downpour covering the road, there was limited traction. Though Jeff didn’t say anything out loud to suggest this fact, Nick could tell that he was having to be careful to make sure that he didn’t lose control of the car.

“Don’t do that, no,” Jeff protested as the car that they had been following switched into a different lane. “How am I supposed to use you to tell where my lane is now?”

Nick looked over at him for a moment, watching him as he navigated the road and found another car to follow, this one with its hazard lights flashing (“That feels ridiculous, but I’m so not going to complain”). Unlike most other people that he had been in a car with, Jeff didn’t look at all stressed by how flimsy his control on the car seemed to be. His hands were firm on the steering wheel, but not what he would call sturdy. His face was just as relaxed as always, in that same way that Nick couldn’t help but envy and simultaneously wonder about (maybe Jeff knew how the world was going to end, and he couldn’t be bothered to worry about anything between then and now).

Until, of course, he finally _did_ lose control of the car.

A semi passing them in the next lane over started to pull the car over, and in his attempt to right it again, the car hydroplaned and Jeff ended up overcorrecting, sending them veering off the shoulder. For a moment, Nick didn’t even realize what was happening, just seeing Jeff’s eyes going wide and hearing him frantically cursing. There were a few seconds of movement that neither of them would be able to fully recall later on, the grass though wet underneath them at least allowing some sort of traction again under the wheels.

He was able to bring the car to a stop almost entirely in the ditch, but short of the trees that lined the side of the highway, resting somewhat awkwardly but at least safely. For a long moment, neither of them said anything, until Jeff let out a long breath.

“Are you okay?” he asked, looking over at Nick.

“Yeah,” he said, nodding quickly. “Yeah, I’m okay. Are you?”

“Yeah,” he echoed. “I’m good.” A pause. “Oh my god. That… Oh my god.”

“Yeah.” Nick didn’t even pause to consider his actions before reaching over and taking Jeff’s hand in his, feeling it shaking.

Another moment of silence passed between them, Jeff using his free hand to rub over his face. He let out a laugh that was probably entirely nerves, saying, “I don’t even know what to do now.”

Nick glanced out the back window at the cars still driving past on the road, frowning. “I don’t know if there even is anything that you _can_ do right now. Safely, anyways.”

Jeff nodded, letting out a long breath. “Right,” he said slowly, looking out the window as well. As time ticked by, Nick could tell that he was calming down, but his hands were still trembling even as Nick tried to help him steady them (it didn’t help that he was fairly certain he was shaking as well). “Like… I think that I could probably just… back up. I really think that I could do that, if I got a window and had traction.”

“Probably,” he agreed, closing his eyes for a moment and laying his head back against the headrest.

“I mean, it’s a Jeep. It can do that. People take these things mudding.”

“They usually have better tires on them if they want to go mudding,” he pointed out with a sigh.

“Okay, true. But still. This car isn’t, like, a Prius. It can do work,” Jeff said.

“I know,” Nick said, giving his hand a squeeze. He opened his eyes again, looking over at him. “Breathe. Okay? We don’t want you freaking out.”

Jeff nodded slowly, letting out a long breath and giving him a small smile.

He reached out and pulled him closer to him, so that he could run his fingers through Jeff’s hair with his free hand. His fingertips brushed over his cheeks like he knew that Jeff loved, making him smile.

“That could have been so much worse,” Jeff said under his breath after a moment.

“I know,” he said.

“What if we weren’t in the right lane? The cars can’t stop in time, we could have gotten hit. We could’ve died.”

“I know,” Nick repeated, his fingers threading through Jeff’s hair and shushing him gently. “But we’re okay.”

“We’re okay,” Jeff repeated, his voice inaudible over the sound of rain on the roof of the car.

They stayed like that for a while, covering each other in gentle touched and soft words as the rain continued to pour. Eventually the sun came out from the clouds and the rain tapered to a stop, and Jeff felt that it was about time that he actually did something about their circumstances, but only after assuring Nick that he really was okay and he could drive, no problem.

Despite Jeff’s adamant beliefs that a Jeep Wrangler should be able to get out of this situation with no problem, it turned out that Nick was likely right about the tires. Paired with their awkward placement on the side of the road, what Jeff was mostly capable of doing was getting the tires to spin. As much as they both wanted to be able to just start the car up and get going again so that they could just get out of here, it wasn’t an option, and they ended up having to call AAA and wait for a tow truck to come help them out.

The entire time they were waiting, neither of them said anything. They just looked at each other, their hands linked together like that little connection between them was the only thing that mattered in the world. Both of them startled when the tow truck arrived and the driver came out to help them, causing them both to laugh as themselves in embarrassment. The man seemed friendly about it, telling them that he was having a long day and things like that made his day the little bit more interesting that he needed in order to get by. He then proceeded to get the car out of the ditch with the ease of a man who had done this day in and day out for years.

As soon as they were back on the road and moving, Jeff took hold of Nick’s hand again. “So…” he started. “I know that we had been planning to at least make it to another state today, but…”

“You want to stop somewhere here instead?”

“If you don’t mind,” he said, nodding.

“Yeah, of course,” he said.

Jeff gave him a grateful smile, and at the next exit that looked reasonably populated with businesses, they got off and found a hotel. He went inside and got a room for the two of them, and they brought their bags up in relative silence. As soon they had set their things down, they looked at each other for a moment before collapsing into the same bed together, arms winding around each other. Nick curled himself around Jeff, pulling him in as close as he could and rubbing his hands over his back.

In turn, Jeff pressed himself against Nick as much as he could, as if he thought that maybe just maybe if he tried hard enough they could occupy the same space, that how close they were now was just not close _enough_.

Looking down at him, taking in the way he was now, feeling him clinging so close to him, it made Nick feel warm with a wave of affection for him that it almost ached. It made his heart pound, but not unpleasantly, and it almost felt like it was beyond his control when he opened his mouth.

“No more of this,” he said.

Jeff looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. “Hm?” he hummed in question, a small frown on his lips.

“Jeff,” he said softly, letting out a soft breath. “I… I am done, so done with this.” He could see that Jeff had opened his mouth to start talking, probably something way off base, so he continued quickly. “I am done pretending that what I feel for you is anything less than what it is.”

Blinking in surprise, he nodded slowly. “And… that is?” he asked after a moment, his voice still carrying a note of hesitation.

“I’m… I’m not sure what exactly it is,” he said, shaking his head slightly. “I’m not ready to call it love, because that’s just way too fast and honestly I don’t even know if I know what love even _is_ right now, but I know that it could become love if we were to give it time. But right now, I… I don’t know what to call it, god, I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this before.”

Jeff just looked at him for a moment, a wide smile creeping across his lips. “You don’t have to say it back, I really, really understand, but,” he said. He paused for a moment, then, “I love you.”

Any words that Nick would have said were lost for a moment as he stared at him with some mixture of disbelief and overwhelming happiness. “You love me,” he said after what had to be a full minute.

“I love you,” he repeated with a soft laugh, nodding. “I _love_ you.” If it was possible, Jeff had his arms even tighter around him now.

Nick closed the space between them, pressing their lips together. He felt Jeff take in a sharp breath before kissing him back, their lips moving slowly together, carefully, like they were both trying to preserve the moment and make sure they perfectly remembered the curve of each other’s lips. Nick sighed contently into the kiss, his cheek cupped in Jeff’s hand.

When they pulled back, Jeff pressed their foreheads together, smiling at him. “I’ve wanted to do that since…” he trailed off, chuckling softly. “A little part of me fell in love with you the second I first saw you.”

Nick chuckled softly, kissing him again, this one just barely more than a peck, but it still sent the same thrill through him. “I think maybe part of me did the same.”

“Maybe,” he said, chuckling softly. His hand ran up and down Nick’s side slowly, his hand a gentle pressure that was familiar yet at the same time felt better to him than it ever had before. He leaned forward and kissed Nick again, and he certainly wasn’t about to complain.

They lost track of time laying there like that, their bodies tangled together and their lips working together against each other. It just felt natural, like they’d been doing this for longer than just however many seconds, minutes – hours? — they really had. They shifted from laying on their sides to have Nick laying on top of him, Jeff’s arms wound around him and holding him firmly against him.

Eventually Nick’s hand slid down Jeff’s side, his fingers running along the hem of his shirt. He felt him shiver when his fingers slipped under the fabric, chuckling softly. He pulled the shirt up, pulling back from Jeff for just long enough to be able to get it off of him.

Once his shirt was off, Jeff moved his hand down to the bottom of Nick’s shirt. He pulled it up slightly, then sat back to look at him. “Hey,” he said softly as he looked up at him, making sure that he had his attention.

“Hmm?”

Jeff gave him a small smile, leaning up for a second to give him another quick kiss. “I don’t want to have sex with you,” he said, then added quickly, “I mean, well, you know, not yet.”

“Okay,” he nodded slightly. “I didn’t, you know, mean to…”

“No,” he cut him off, shaking his head. “You didn’t. You aren’t. Don’t worry about it. I just… I just wanted to make that clear. I’m about to take your shirt off and we’re going to kiss and touch each other’s skin but… that’s as far as I want it to go. For right now.”

“Alright,” Nick said with a small nod, giving him a smile.

Jeff smiled back at him, continuing to pull his shirt off with his help. Once they were both shirtless, they pressed themselves close together again, their bare chests touching. Kissing him again, Jeff ran his fingers over his back, tracing down along his spine.

After a while longer, they stopped kissing, just laid on their sides looking at each other. They were holding each other close still, their chests rising and falling in synchronization so that their bodies were never more than an inch apart.

Nick smiled at the feeling of Jeff’s hands so warm and soft against his skin. He seemed to be really enjoying it as well, his palm making a steady path over his skin.

“I like this,” Jeff commented as his fingertips ghosted over a line of freckles on Nick’s shoulder.

“What?” he asked, chuckling softly.

“These freckles remind me of Orion’s belt,” he said.

“The constellation?”

“Yeah, the constellation,” he said with a nod. He dipped his head down, pressing a kiss to each of the freckles. “It’s the only one that I can always find.”

Nick just smiled at him, holding him tighter.

***

The rest of the month was… somehow both completely insignificant and also so, so important.

They barely left the hotel room. Hell, they barely even got out of bed for the entirety of the month. It was almost like they thought that what they had was a dream that would go away the second they woke up, even though they both knew it wasn’t.

But maybe it was the fact that things were easier this way: there were still things that they needed to talk about, to work out, like the fact that they lived on opposite sides of the country, Nick had intended to go back to college (this very month, in fact, but he forced himself to not think about that, in favor of other things) and Nick may or may not have been becoming a father. For now, they weren’t going to worry about those things; this was their honeymoon period, and damned if they weren’t going to let themselves be happy and spend days on end lying in bed in their own filth.

They didn’t have sex in August. Jeff seemed to set the pace, and Nick wasn’t about to rush him; he was perfectly happy with the way things were going.

(Part of him felt like he was supposed to be nervous about whenever they actually _did_ have sex, seeing as Jeff had had sex with guys before but he had not, but he couldn’t find it in him to be at all worried.)

When they did leave the hotel room, Jeff would always make a big deal out of the fact that their excursions were _dates_ and _Nick, we’re dating, you’re my boyfriend, we’re on a date_. He was like a puppy and it was the most adorable thing that he had ever seen.

August of 2014 ended up being a month that Nick would regard as the happiest month of his life, a fact that felt at odds with how little actually happened during that month, and how it felt so long yet so short at the same time. Almost nothing that he did the entire month was a real decision or came with consequences, and the one thing that _did_ was something he was fairly certain he would never regret in any way, shape, or form.

The feeling of Jeff’s arms holding him closely and his lips brushing against his skin as he told him quiet stories at any hour of the day (falling asleep and waking up just _whenever_ instead of having what most people would consider reasonable waking hours) was what he remembered most about that month. Some details grew hazy with time; he wouldn’t remember what Jeff said that made him laugh until his chest hurt, or what exactly it was that Jeff got him to hand feed him. But he knew he’d remember the way Jeff watched him as he laughed with such a pleased, wide smile on his lips, or how Jeff kissed his fingertips as he ate.

He let all of those feelings wash over him, choosing to ignore how the last time he had felt like this was when he had just gotten engaged to Natalie. This was different, Jeff was different.


	9. September

This felt like a terrible idea. Nick kept telling himself that he never should have agreed to do this, but he was also in the habit of not denying Jeff anything that he wanted.

So of course, when his mom called him “just to check in” when he didn’t come back home for Labor Day, Jeff was of course listening in, his head pressed against the other side of his phone until Nick finally just put it on speaker and set it down so that they both could here.

Jeff remained silent throughout the entire phone call, just listening and no doubt reacting visually to Mrs. Duval’s words of concern. As soon as Nick ended the call and tucked his phone away in his pocket again, he announced, “I want to meet your family.”

Which was how Nick ended up where he was now, about a week and a half later, driving through his (current) hometown, back in his own car, with Jeff excitedly staring out the window at the buildings passing by. He was chattering happily, asking questions about the things that he was seeing. Part of Nick at first thought that Jeff was being completely ignorant to his boyfriend’s nerves, though as the drive went on, the solid hand in his reminded him that Jeff wasn’t that kind of person and he was probably actually trying to distract him.

The thing was, he wasn’t really sure _why_ he was so nervous about Jeff meeting his family. It wasn’t like he was worried about them disapproving or anything; he knew that they were anything but homophobic. And Jeff was one of the most genuinely nice and likable people that Nick had ever met, so it was very doubtful that he was going to make a bad impression. Maybe it was a bit fast for it, really, but if he were being honest he’d admit that it didn’t _feel_ that fast, anyways. Hell, Lacey had figured out who he was bringing home as soon as he had said that he needed to introduce “someone special,” and she had sounded like she was practically going to explode with happiness over the phone.

So really, the more that he thought about it, the more it felt like all signs pointed to the conclusion that yes, Nick really should introduce all of them. After all, Natalie had never met his family and their relationship took a swift nose dive after that.

(Natalie, who, now that Nick was back closer up the east coast to where they were both from, he would probably have to talk to, but he was _absolutely not_ thinking about that on top of worrying about what his family would make of Jeff.)

He pulled up at his family’s house, he saw the other cars in the driveway. He let out a long sigh as he parked (parking in Charlie, who had parked Lacey in, so all was fair) and looked over at Jeff. “We’re here.”

Jeff looked up at the house with a smile before looking back at Nick. “I like the flamingo,” he said.

Nick laughed, rolling his eyes fondly at him because _of course_ he would like the big pink plastic flamingo standing solitary by the porch. “Tell my mom that,” he said. “She always insisted on it making every move with us, even though it’s so big and unwieldy and my dad is just tired of it.”

“It gives the house character,” he said, leaning forward and giving Nick a quick kiss. “Now come on, let’s go inside.”

He didn’t give much of a chance for him to protest or stall any longer, throwing open the door and getting out. Nick got out after him, leading him up to the house and unlocking the door for them to go inside.

Just like when he had come home from college what felt like ages ago, Lacey immediately swept him up into her arms when he opened the door. “Nicholas,” she hummed as she squeezed him tightly. “I missed you.” She let go of him after a moment, her gaze moving past him to Jeff standing behind him. “And you!”

Jeff laughed softly, clearly not fully knowing what to expect when she came at him and gave him a bear hug just as tight as the one she had given Nick. When he brought his arms up to hug her back, she beamed at him.

“You’re family now,” she announced as she let him go.

“Does this mean I have _another_ brother to compete with to be your favorite?” They all turned around to face Charlie when he spoke, Lacey laughing and nodding.

“Sounds about right, yeah,” she said.

Nick slipped his arm around Jeff, pulling him forward. “Charlie, this is Jeff,” he said. “Jeff, this is my brother Charlie.”

“The someone special?” Charlie asked teasingly.

“Yes, the someone special,” he said, rolling his eyes. “This is my boyfriend.”

“Oh, Lace, what’re we gonna do? He’s all grown up and he’s got a boyfriend,” he laughed before offering his hand to Jeff to shake. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you, too,” Jeff said with a nod, smiling at him.

“I’m not going to lie, I’m kind of sad about you two getting together,” Lacey said with a laugh. “I fell a little bit in love with you myself from hearing my baby brother talk about you.”

“You have a boyfriend,” Charlie said, poking her in the side.

“Technically,” she said, stepping back in closer and bumping her brother with her hip. “And unfortunately, our baby brother’s boyfriend is gay anyways.”

In another true testament to how Jeff really did belong here, he didn’t seem fazed at all by this turn on conversation. He just looked at Nick and said with a grin, “You talked about me?”

Nick chuckled softly, shrugging. “I mean, I guess so.”

“It was painfully obvious right from when you two first had your meet cute that he was going to fall in love with you,” Lacey said, nodding.

“I’m not sure that I would call that a meet cute,” Nick said with a raised eyebrow.

“Totally is. Super cute,” she said. “Anyways, Nick, where are your manners? Go let your boyfriend sit down.” She turned, gesturing towards the living room.

“Of course, of course, my bad,” he said, shaking his head slowly as he took Jeff’s hand and led him into the living room. They sat down side by side, Charlie and Lacey following after them.

“By the way, where are mom and dad?” Nick asked, noting the lack of his father sitting in his favorite recliner.

“Mom made him take her to the store,” Charlie answered.

Lacey chuckled softly, nodding. “She had a little panic moment this morning when she realized that what she’d had planned for dinner just wasn’t good enough for her baby’s return.”

“She didn’t have to do anything special,” he protested, shaking his head.

“Try telling that to her,” she shrugged. “Besides, she thinks that meeting your new, well, I think she’s assuming girlfriend, but I mean, same difference, she thinks it’s a big occasion. There’ll be no convincing her otherwise.”

“Curse of the southern belle out of water,” Charlie chuckled. “Any occasion where she _can_ prepare a feast is actually an occasion when she _must_ prepare a feast.”

Lacey looked at Jeff, chuckling as she said, “Some people might have tried and asked what you would like to eat. Instead, she’s likely making _so many options_ that there is literally no way you can’t find something to enjoy. And lucky me, I’m going to get drawn into it.”

“It’s not a sexist thing, I’m just useless at cooking,” Charlie put in, grinning when Lacey gave him a shove.

Jeff leaned over and rested his chin against Nick’s shoulder for a moment, a smile on his lips that Nick hoped meant that he liked them. Granted, he had already met Lacey, but it was one thing to meet Lacey on her own and as just a friend, but it was another thing entirely to come into her home and meet her _and_ Charlie together as their brother’s boyfriend.

They sat around and chatted for a bit, catching up on their lives since they had all last seen each other. Charlie was apparently dating someone new but he wasn’t sure that it was going to work out, Lacey had gotten back to Pennsylvania a few weeks ago after spending a bit longer in Pasadena once Nick left, and Nick, well, obviously he had fallen in love.

Jeff easily participated in the conversation, the only sign that he wasn’t as familiar with everyone else in the room being that occasionally he had to stop and ask for clarification about something one of them said. Nick was grateful for this fact, though also completely unsurprised. Right from the start, Jeff had clearly been the sort of person who could make a good impression on anyone and act like he had been best friends with someone for years after only a few minutes.

By the time his parents arrived back at the house, Jeff had evidently become comfortable enough that he didn’t feel awkward showing affection to Nick, so the first they saw of him was him leaning into his son’s side with his arm wrapped around him. As Mrs. Duval came into the living room and looked at them, her face turned to a mix of surprise and amusement.

“Oh,” she said, giving them a smile. “ _So_ , this is the special someone?”

“Yes, Mom,” Nick said with a soft laugh, getting to his feet and pulling Jeff up with him. He waited for a second as his father came into the room before saying, “This is Jeff, my boyfriend.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” she greeted him brightly.

Nick’s father stepped forward and shook his hand. “I’ll just be honest with you,” he said to Jeff. “I was expecting a girl.” There was a moment’s pause in which Jeff looked a bit concerned (but not _too_ concerned, because somewhere in his life he had evidently lost the ability to actually take things seriously), and Nick could only imagine what his father looked like to an outsider, the tall, solid man that he was, until he continued with a smile, his voice lowered as if he were sharing a secret with Jeff, “But y’know, my son has had plenty of bad experiences with girls. So maybe this is for the best.”

“Oh, stop,” his wife chided with a laugh, giving his arm a light smack. She looked back at Jeff, giving him a smile. “I’d love to sit and chat with you, but dinner isn’t going to make itself.”

“Do you need help?” he offered.

“Oh, no, I couldn’t ask for your help, you’re a guest, sit back on down.”

“No, really, I haven’t been in a kitchen in a long time and I kind of miss it,” he said.

She raised her eyebrows at him, looking at him for a moment before nodding in approval. “Well, alright,” she said. Looking to Nick, she said with a wink, “I like him already. He’s a keeper.”

Jeff looked back at him, grinning as he followed her into the kitchen.

Nick shifted so that he could look through the doorway to watch the two of them cooking together while he talked with his siblings and dad, relating for the latter the story of how he and Jeff had met and their subsequent growing relationship. He knew that Jeff didn’t need to be babysat – he was fitting in in the Duval house remarkably well (a fact that absolutely didn’t make his heart flutter a little bit in his chest) – but he was just enjoying seeing him so at ease with his new environment. He was chatting with Mrs. Duval like they were old friends catching up, probably exchanging tips and recipes. At one point they stopped and Jeff pulled out his phone, and Nick listened closer to figure out what he was showing her; the words “Birdy” and “…elephants at the zoo once and that was it” told him that he was showing her pictures of his sister.

“Hey, lover boy,” Lacey’s voice brought him out of his reverie, and he looked away from the kitchen and startled at the realization that she was inches from his face. “Hi. We were talking to you. Prince Charming in there has had you to himself for a while, so it’d be nice to have you back for a bit, hm?” Her tone was light, so he didn’t feel too bad for not paying her enough attention.

“Sorry, sorry,” he chuckled.

“Better be,” she said, slinging an arm around his shoulders. “Now, Charlie here was telling us all about his awkward first date, and it can’t be missed.”

“Alright, go on,” Nick said with a soft laugh, gesturing to Charlie, who rolled his eyes at the both of them and carried on with his story.

***

Dinner was, as promised, a feast. Even with the larger number of people at the table than Nick’s mother had been used to feeding, there was still far too much food for them to even think about eating all of.

“It didn’t even look like that much food when we were making it,” Jeff commented once they were done putting away leftovers and doing dishes after the meal was over (Jeff having insisted that Mrs. Duval—or Celia, as she had already insisted she call him—go and sit down and let the rest of them deal with it, goodness, how long have you been on your feet?).

“You didn’t see ten pounds of green beans and think, _this is a bit overkill_?” Nick replied with a soft laugh, pulling him down to sit beside him.

“That’s exaggerating,” he said, shaking his head and poking his side.

“Maybe a little bit.”

Nick laughed softly, leaning over and kissing his cheek. “Right. Just a little.”

“You guys are gross,” Lacey said to them brightly, settling in beside Charlie on the other half of the sectional.

“Oh, we’re fully aware,” Jeff said back to her, matching her tone with a grin.

“Nick, you do realize you’re totally dating our sister, right?” Charlie said, chuckling. “It’s honestly kind of frightening.”

“Oh stop that,” their mother chided, shaking her head. “They just have similar sense of humor. No harm in that.”

“Is there a sibling version of the Oedipus-slash-Electra complex?” he carried on, making Mrs. Duval laugh in spite of herself.

Lacey and Charlie exchanged “keeping it in the family” jokes for a while, everyone else in the room pretending not to find it as amusing as they all did. Eventually the conversation died down and they all settled into relative silence as they watched the news, which turned into Steve Harvey hosting Family Feud.

“Alright, now, here’s the true test of how our new addition will fit in here,” Mr. Duval said, laughing softly as the families came out on screen.

“Ooh, true,” Lacey agreed with a laugh, clapping her hands excitedly. “Maybe if he’s good, he can be our brother in Charlie’s place when we meet Steve Harvey.”

“You’re never going to meet Steve Harvey,” Charlie said, shaking his head.

“I don’t hear you right now,” she said, shaking her head. “Family Feud is on, I don’t hear you right now.”

“She’s pretty sure we’re going to end up on Family Feud one day,” Nick said to Jeff with a soft chuckle. “And, to be fair, as a whole, we’re not too bad. But yeah, some families take board games seriously, we take Family Feud seriously.”

“Noted,” Jeff said, nodding.

The next hour passed with the family all paying rapt attention to the television screen, calling out any answers that they could think of and laughing at the contestants when they said ridiculous answers. When the show was over, Nick glanced down at Jeff, who had been leaning against his shoulder, to find him completely asleep.

“It was too much for you, huh?” he said softly as he looked at him, chuckling.

“He’ll get there, I believe in him,” Lacey laughed.

“Of course,” he agreed. “It’s been a long day for him, too, so he gets a pass.”

His mother looked over at them, glancing down at Jeff with a small smile. “Gonna take him up to bed now?”

There was a few seconds of silence where Nick wasn’t sure what exactly he should say, not having thought too much about what exactly their sleeping arrangements would be. He had known that they were going to be staying at his house with his family, but since they’d been sleeping in the same bed he hadn’t really thought about doing anything else. But he was now realizing that he couldn’t exactly assume that that would fly. So he just opened his mouth and then closed it again a bit awkwardly.

“Sweetie, you’re an adult, and you’ve been travelling, alone, with this boy, who is also an adult capable of consent, for a while now,” she said, her voice gentle as if she was breaking bad news to him. “I’d be lying to both you and myself if I tried to pretend I didn’t know what you do behind closed doors. But that’s your business.”

That managed to leave him even more speechless than he was a moment ago, so that all he could think of to say was, “We don’t, um, no. We haven’t. Sex.”

“Smooth,” Lacey chuckled. Bumping his shoulder but being careful to not disturb Jeff sleeping against him, she added, “It’s not because you don’t know how to, right? Because I could—”

“Don’t finish that sentence,” Nick said at about the same time that their mother let out just a quiet but firm “no.”

“I was just offering to help my brother,” she shrugged, chuckling.

“ _Anyways_ ,” Nick said, shaking his head. “Jeff wanted to wait, and I am perfectly fine with that.”

“And such a gentleman,” Mrs. Duval hummed, smiling. “He just keeps getting better and better, doesn’t he?”

Nick chuckled softly, nodding. “I like to think so,” he said, shifting Jeff so that he could lift him to carry him up to his room. “Anyways, I am going to take him to bed now. If I don’t, he’ll wake up all stiff and cranky and we don’t want that. Goodnight.”

His family said their goodnights as he went to the stairs and carried Jeff up to his room, setting him down on his bed. He pulled Jeff’s shirt off of him so that he would be more comfortable to sleep, stripping himself to his underwear before getting into bed. He wrapped himself around Jeff, pulling the blanket over them.

***

September was a lazy month, spent mostly with Nick’s family as they got to know Jeff and appreciated having Nick back. And as much as Nick enjoyed being back at home with them, another big part of him was never happier than in the quiet moments with just the two of them.

On a Sunday morning, Nick woke up to find Jeff watching him, his fingers slowly stroking through his hair.

“Hi,” he said, clearing his throat as his voice was rough from sleep.

“Hey,” Jeff said softly, leaning in and kissing him softly. “I’ve been thinking.”

“That’s not a good sign,” he teased, chuckling.

“Wow, okay,” he said with a pout, feigning hurt. “Never mind, you don’t get to hear what I’ve been thinking about.” He sat up, making like he was going to get up.

Nick reached out, taking his wrist and pulling him to lay back down. “C’mere, I need my teddy bear,” he said.

“I’m not a bear,” Jeff said, shaking his head. “Definitely closer to a twink than a bear. Not hairy enough to be an otter.”

“This needs to stop,” he said with a soft laugh, rubbing his hand over his face.

“Want to hear what I’ve been thinking about now?”

“Alright, alright,” Nick said, rolling over to get more comfortable and wrapping his arms around Jeff. “Go on. What’ve you been thinking?”

“Sweden,” he said.

“That’s a place, not a thought, I’m sorry, babe,” he said. “Keep trying.”

“Hey, no, I’m serious. Sweden. We should go,” he said.

“Wait, what?” Nick asked, furrowing his brow. “You want to just… _go_ to Sweden?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Next month, we should go to Sweden. I’ve always wanted to—”

“Next month?”

“What better time than now? Or, you know, about as soon as we can get you your passport and also buy plane tickets that aren’t _ridiculous_ just because they’re last minute,” Jeff said, chuckling softly. “C’mon, I’ve heard that it’s beautiful. We aren’t done having adventures.”

“What, is becoming domestic too fast becoming a problem for you?” he said, chuckling.

“Alright, I deserve that one for pressuring you into introducing me to your family. But all I’m saying is, I promised you beauty and excitement and—”

“If I wanted to be cheesy, I could just tell you that you are those things to me.”

“That’s very sweet, Nicholas, though we need to work on the whole interrupting me thing. That’s not a good look on anyone,” he chuckled.

“Ah, right, my bad, my bad,” he said.

“Yeah, it is,” he said. “But we’re getting off topic. Sweden.”

“Sweden,” Nick repeated, nodding slowly. “Scandinavia.”

“That’s the one,” he affirmed. “Land of Ikea. And fish.”

“What did you decide Sweden? I think most people decide to go to, you know, London or Paris or something like that when they spontaneously decide to flee the country,” he said.

“We can go to Paris and London and wherever else if you want,” Jeff said. “Brussels, Copenhagen, I don’t care. Hell, we could stay on this continent. Toronto or something. I will go with you anywhere you want to go. But right now, I want to Sweden and if it maybe has a little bit to do with Ikea, you can’t blame me for that.”

Nick laughed softly, pulling him in for a quick kiss. “I definitely can’t,” he agreed.

Jeff shifted away from him for just a moment, grabbing his phone before snuggling back in against him. He unlocked his phone and opened up his photos. “I saved a bunch of pictures of places around Stockholm,” he said.

“Show me,” he said with a nod, pulling him so that they were in a better position to look together at his phone.

He flipped through dozens of pictures, what had to be somewhere in the neighborhood of at least a hundred pictures. Pictures of old buildings, pictures of walkways by the water, pictures of the train station, pictures of the city lit up at night. Nick wasn’t even sure that he wanted to know when or how he had found enough time to go through so many pictures. At the same time, though, even if he had spent a ridiculous amount of time on Google Images, he couldn’t exactly blame him. It _was_ a beautiful city, that much was for sure.

Jeff kept scrolling through the pictures on his phone until he finally ran out, a picture of the escalators at Rådhuset turning into a picture of Nick asleep.

“Hey, when—”

“ _Also,_ ” Jeff said quickly, grinning as he closed the photo app and brought up Safari. “I was looking at some things for us to do in Sweden.”

“You’re distracting me and it’s not working,” he protested, shaking his head.

“And I mean, there’s loads to do. You know, Stockholm is a pretty big city. Less than a million people, so not _huge_ by any means, but—”

“I’m not a cute sleeper,” he said. “I didn’t get to have a good look at it, but I am pretty sure I’d be willing to bet that that is not an attractive picture.”

“That’s your opinion,” Jeff said, shaking his head. “Now, anyways, things to do. Apparently, there is a museum that has an exhibition right now on Swedish sin. So that sounds cool.”

“Just show me the picture,” he said. “And what does that even mean?”

Jeff shrugged as he looked at the page on his phone. “Mm… Pictures and stuff, you know, about drinking, sex, whatever.”

“That does sound kind of interesting,” he said.

“Oh, I know it does,” he said with a soft laugh. “Also, do you know any Swedish?”

Nick laughed, shaking his head. “Look at me. Do I look like I know any Swedish?”

“I believe that you could have some hidden depths and skills I don’t know about,” he said with a shrug.

“Is there a reason I might need to know Swedish, other than just, you know, because that’s the language spoken there?”

“Yeah,” he said, nodding. He switched to another tab, showing Nick. “There’s another thing, which, I’ll admit, is a really long way from Stockholm. I looked at it before I realized how far it would be. But it sounds cool, so maybe we could check it out. It’s like, lights. Some cool light displays and stuff in a town called, okay, Alingsås. What does that little accent mean?”

“I don’t know,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “It could mean… I don’t know. Maybe the A is supposed to be long?”

“Maybe,” Jeff said, nodding. “I guess we’ll find out. You know, if you agree to go with me.”

There it was again. Damn Jeff and his constant ability to get Nick to agree to anything, even if whatever it was didn’t seem like it necessarily the best idea. And it wasn’t like this felt like the _wrong_ idea. He wasn’t really doing much of anything anyways, so why not take a trip with his boyfriend, right?

Nick knew, of course he did, that this would put an end (at least for now) to the long stretch of lazy days spent just laying around with Jeff and his family. And while he was sure that he would miss it, at the same time there was definitely something appealing about getting back out there. Part of him wanted the mad dash to find his passport and book tickets and a hotel room and, eventually, have a hell of a time trying to find their way around the airport. And it made sense, after all; this sleepy stretch of time was the calm before the storm.

If he only knew how true that was.

“Yeah. Okay, yeah. Let’s go to Sweden.”


	10. October

Packing for Sweden was probably the most difficult part of the whole thing. Just like when he had left with Lacey however many months ago (it felt like ages, it couldn’t possibly have still been this same year, and yet it was), he was not entirely clear on how long they would be staying. He had his suspicions that Jeff had more of a plan than he had told Nick, given that he was the one who bought the tickets and _probably_ had gone ahead and booked their return flight, too, but he wasn’t letting on if that was the case.

But finally, it was about over. Their flight was going to be leaving in the morning, and then everything would be easier, just a couple flights with a couple hour layover somewhere Nick couldn’t remember then vacation. And god, he was ready.

Nick moved his suitcase from his bed to the ground, flopping back to lay on his mattress. He stared up at the ceiling for a moment before closing his eyes, making the decision that maybe it was about time he took a nap. Just about as soon as he’d decided to do that, however, there was a warm body beside him and an arm around his waist.

“Hey,” Jeff murmured into his ear, kissing his temple. “Are you hungry?”

“Not really,” he mumbled in reply, shaking his head slightly.

“You sure?” he asked. “Because you haven’t eaten in hours. And you’re doing that stress thing, and I think that makes you more hungry. So you’re probably hungry.”

Nick opened his eyes again, looking over at him with a soft laugh. “Maybe I’m a little hungry. But I’m also tired.”

“Noted,” he said, nodding. He smiled at Nick and gave him a gentle squeeze. “How about this? We sleep for a little bit, and then we go eat. Your mom was telling me about this great Mediterranean place—”

“Yes,” he said. “We’re eating there.”

“Alright, great,” Jeff said, chuckling. He grabbed his phone and set an alarm to wake them up before snuggling into him more.

Nick smiled at him, pressing a kiss to the top of his head before relaxing and closing his eyes again. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, quickly starting to drift off to sleep.

The next thing he knew, the alarm Jeff had set was going off and he had to (very reluctantly) get up out of bed and get dressed so that they could go get dinner.

Dinner was pleasant, just like it always was when the two of them ate together. Lacey and Charlie tagged along with them, citing that they were about to lose their baby brother again for an unknown amount of time, so they wanted to make the most of it. And neither Nick nor Jeff minded, all of them having a good time together. They laughed and had fun and played word games and chattered about what Jeff had in store for Nick once they were in Sweden, none of them getting sad about the fact that this meal would be their last all together for a while (it was also one of the first that the group of four had had, and yet it felt like it was a tradition that was more well-established).

When it was over and they’d all gone home, Jeff stopped Nick when he was about to take his jacket back off.

“I want to go for a walk,” he explained when he ended up on the receiving end of a strange look.

“You want to go for a walk?” Nick echoed.

“Yeah, I do,” he said. “You live here, and we’ve barely seen any of it. And we’re about to leave, so I deserve at least some kind of tour, don’t you think, ducky?”

“Alright, I guess,” he said, chuckling softly. “But it’s not like I grew up here or anything, so it won’t be that interesting.”

“That’s alright,” Jeff said with a shrug, beaming at him as he took his hand and lead him back to the door.

As they walked, Nick did do his best to tell Jeff about landmarks they were passing, like the tree Lacey had fallen out of last summer and the path that lead down to a creek where you could catch frogs in the summer. Eventually, they ended up in a playground, abandoned by children hours ago when it started to get dark.

They sat side by side on the swings, Jeff challenging Nick to see which one of them could get higher. Upon winning, Jeff turned to look at him with a grin.

“Okay, I have something to admit,” he said with a soft laugh. “I totally conned you. You never had a chance at winning. I am basically a pool shark of the swing world.”

“That’s a thing?” Nick asked, chuckling.

“Well, of course,” he hummed. “But seriously, I was always the best kid at swinging.”

“Really,” he deadpanned, but the smile on his face betrayed his fondness.

“Yes, really,” he said. “In fact, you know that thing where you try to go all the way over? You know, the whole three-sixty degrees? Yeah, I did that.”

“No, you didn’t,” Nick said.

“I totally did,” he said.

“I love you, Jeff, I do, but I am sure that you did not,” he said.

Jeff shook his head. “Nope, I did. I was there. It happened.”

“Babe, I’m really pretty damn sure that I saw that on Mythbusters and they said it wasn’t possible,” he chuckled.

“Well, they didn’t see me,” he said with a shrug. He reached out and took Nick’s hand, smiling at him.

Nick rolled his eyes fondly at him, nodding. “Okay,” he said. “Alright, I believe you.”

“Yay, thank you,” he said with a bright smile, lifting his hand and kissing it softly before lowering their hands again.

They sat like that for a bit, gently swaying with their hands swinging between them, before Nick spoke again. “We should probably head back home. Our flight is pretty early, so we should sleep.”

“Or we could stay here a bit longer,” he replied with a shrug. “We can always sleep on the plane. Hell, we should sleep on the plane. That makes it go by faster.”

“But we could also sleep now,” Nick replied with a soft laugh, shrugging. “Or both. I know that you are fully capable of sleeping ridiculous amounts of hours.”

“Alright, that’s true,” he replied with a nod. “But let’s just stay for, like, a little bit longer, okay? It’s nice out.”

“Okay,” he said with a small nod, though in his opinion it was a bit cold out for that, but he was willing to accept it if Jeff wanted to stay out there for a bit longer. He looked up at the sky, the lack of many lights around them making it easier for him to spot the stars in the sky. He scanned the sky for constellations, finding what he thought might have been the Big Dipper but he really wasn’t too sure. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that Jeff was moving himself in closer to Nick. “Hi.”

“Hey,” Jeff said with a smile, squeezing his hand.

“You’re close,” he said, chuckling softly.

“This is true,” he affirmed with a nod. “We’re huddling. Like penguins, for warmth.”

Nick nodded, wrapping an arm around Jeff and letting him rest his head on his shoulder.

“Remember that video where the one penguin falls over and all the others make that really cute noise?” he said.

He looked down at him, nodding. “Yeah,” he said, chuckling. “That was a good one.”

“Yeah, it was. Penguins are the best,” he hummed. “Did you know that penguins mate for life?”

“I think I might have heard that at some point,” he said, turning his head to press a kiss to Jeff’s hair.

Jeff hummed happily. “During mating season, a penguin goes and he looks for the perfect pebble, and then when he finds it, he presents it to his potential mate. If they accept, they’re mates for life,” he said. “Isn’t that cute?”

“Mmhm, it is,” he hummed in agreement, smiling softly at him.

Jeff sat up a bit so that he could give Nick a soft kiss, their sides still pressed together. When he pulled back from the kiss, he pressed their foreheads together. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too,” he said back, kissing him again.

Sitting back a bit more and pulling something out of his pocket, he went on, “I know that it isn’t a pebble, but I think that that might be kind of preferable.” He chuckled softly as he showed Nick what he was holding, a small black box which he opened to reveal a ring. Nick’s heart started to pound at the sight and part of him wanted to interrupt him or take back the last couple of minutes just so that he might be able to put this moment off a bit longer, but he couldn’t get his mouth to open or his tongue to form words. “I love you, and I know that I want you and me to be penguins together. I know that it’s quick and it’s probably crazy, but everything with us is. So please know that I’ve thought this through when I ask you, will you marry me?”

A big part of Nick wanted to say yes. In fact, that big part was roughly _all_ of him. He wanted to say yes from the bottom of his heart, wanted to put that ring on his finger and kiss Jeff and hug him and marry him and spend the rest of his life with him. But there was still that doubt at the back of his mind, the voice reminding him of that goddamn elephant in the room: Natalie. Not only was she still waiting somewhere in the wings potentially with a baby that was half him that could potentially threaten his and Jeff’s relationship, there was still the fact that this… This was so much like what had happened with her.

Their relationship was young. _They_ were young. They lived pretty far apart. All of the doubts that Lacey had voiced with Lacey that he hadn’t allowed himself to entertain were now bringing themselves to the front of his mind now, paralyzing him and freezing the word “yes” so that it couldn’t get out of his mouth.

And there Jeff was, just staring at him patiently with that big smile on his face, that smile that he loved so so much, had from the very start, and he looked so much like a loving, trusting puppy that he could have sworn he felt physical pain as he stood up, shaking his head.

“Jeff, I… I’m so, so sorry. I love you, I just, I—I don’t…” he trailed off, biting his lip.

Jeff looked down at the ring for a second before closing the box and putting it back in his pocket, nodding slowly. “Okay,” he said, his voice thick though Nick knew he was trying to hide it. “I… I understand.”

“I’m really sorry,” he repeated.

“I know,” he said, nodding.

“You should still go to Sweden. Just—”

Jeff shook his head, cutting him off. “You should come, too. Just because you said no doesn’t mean that we can’t still be together, my feelings haven’t changed, and I know yours haven’t, either, so we could just—”

“That’s not a good idea, Jeff,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s not going to just go away. We’re both going to be thinking about it the whole—”

“I don’t care, Nick. I know that you love me and I love you and that’s what’s important and I am still confident that we’re going to get married, even if it takes a while for you to get there.”

“Please, no,” Nick said, shaking his head slowly. He let out a long breath, feeling utterly deflated by the conversation. “Just… We’ll spend tonight together, and then, in the morning, you are going to leave for Sweden and I am going to stay here.”

Jeff bit his lip, taking a long moment before nodding. “Okay,” he said finally, taking his hand again to walk home.

***

Laying in bed curled up together with their arms holding each other tight, neither of them acknowledged the tears on Jeff’s face and the ones Nick was refusing to let fall; he was the one doing this, he shouldn’t be the one crying about it.

They kissed and held each other tight and let hands run over skin like they always did (the farthest they had ever gone, and a quiet voice in the back of Nick’s mind wondered if it was the farthest they ever _would_ go). Nick could feel how Jeff was injecting every bit of emotion that he could into the kiss, and it made a part of him want to take it all back, to say he was just kidding when he said no and can he have the ring now?

But he didn’t let himself do that. He just kissed Jeff back and let himself forget for the moment that this was more of a goodbye than anything else.

***

When he woke up, Jeff was gone. His side of the bed was cold, and the spot on the floor where his suitcase had been was now glaringly empty beside when Nick’s luggage still sat.

***

He didn’t get out of bed all day, letting himself stay there into the night.

He slept on and off, but spent a good amount of the day looking at the clock. He watched the important times tick by: when they had needed to get to the airport by, when their plane was going to take off, and eventually when their plane was going to land (that one took a little bit of math). He tried not to let himself imagine what Jeff was doing right then. He couldn’t help himself, though, his mind filling with thoughts of Jeff out there all by himself, Jeff going through security by himself, Jeff sleeping on the plane with no one’s shoulder to lean against, Jeff exploring their hotel room by himself.

The next morning, he woke up to find Lacey sneaking into his room and settling into bed beside him. She didn’t say anything, just gave him a smile when she looked at him, and wrapped an arm around him. She laid there for a while, rubbing his belly like he was a sick puppy that would only get better with lots of cuddles. At first he wasn’t sure whether it was more smothering or comforting, but eventually he settled on the latter.

“I’m guessing you want to know what happened,” he said quietly after the silence started to get to be too much.

“At your pace,” she said, nodding.

He sat in silence for a bit longer, knowing that as soon as he told Lacey what had happened, she would have a strong opinion one way or another (she always did; she had no idea what grey was) and part of him liked her just tacitly feeling bad for him.

Eventually, though, he ended up shifting around so that he could face her better.

“Okay, ready then?” she asked him, giving him an encouraging smile. “Because I really do want to know why Jeff left here and you didn’t. Please tell me you didn’t break up.”

“Honestly… I don’t know the answer to _that_ question,” Nick said with a small frown, furrowing his brow. “I don’t… I don’t think that we’re broken up.”

“Okay… That raises a lot more questions than it answers,” she said. “But, like I said, your pace.”

“Right,” he said, sighing softly. “Well, the long and short of it is this: Jeff asked me to marry him.”

For a split second, Lacey’s face broke out into a wide smile, until she remembered the fact that Nick had by now been locked up in his room for over twenty-four hours and was decidedly not _with_ Jeff, which didn’t bode well. “And what did you say?”

“No,” he said. “I said no.”

She looked a bit pained for a second, regarding him with a small frown. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” he said, sighing. “I just… All I could think about when he asked that was Natalie.”

“What?” she asked, her nose scrunching up in a way that at any other time he would have poked fun at her for. “Wait, hold on, we’re not going down _that_ road again, are we? Because that wasn’t fun, remember how that ended?”

“No, No, I wasn’t… That’s not what I mean,” he said. “I meant, like, I was thinking about how that ended, actually. And how you had warned me about—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, no, I don’t like where this is going,” she said, biting her lip.

“It all made sense, Lace. I’m barely older now than I was when you told me I was too young to get married, right? And Jeff and I have been dating for even less time than Natalie and I had been,” he said.

“That… Okay, sure, maybe on a very basic level you could have a point there,” she said. “But those are just general things. Some couples _are_ ready when they’re as young as you are, and when you know, you know, right?”

“I thought that I knew with Natalie,” he pointed out. “And look how that turned out.”

“Jeff is not Natalie, Nick,” she said, shaking her head.

“I know he’s not, but—”

“No, seriously, baby brother, listen to me,” she said. “Jeff is not Natalie. From the very beginning, it was different. For example, remember how I didn’t like the idea of you proposing to Natalie because I had never met her, much less even _heard_ of her until you were about to propose? Well, when did you tell me about Jeff?”

“The day I met him, I guess, but... That’s kind of different,” he said.

“Is it? Even if you weren’t romantically interested in him, you still told me about him. And you kept telling me about him. There was never a point during your relationship where I was out of the know. And just about as soon as you could have introduced him to the family, you did,” she said.

“That was at his insistence, though.”

“Which also speaks to his character,” she said with a smile. “He takes your relationship seriously, and he wanted to meet your family.”

“I never met his family,” he said, shaking his head.

“You’re nitpicking now,” she said with a small frown.

“No, I’m not,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s an important step in a relationship that needs to be taken before you get married.”

“And you don’t think that Jeff would bring you to meet his family at his earlier convenience?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“I don’t know, I mean, we were in California and he never said anything about it.”

“Were you dating when you were in California?”

“Well, no, we got together once we were back east.”

“Well, there you go,” Lacey said, shrugging. “It would’ve been weird if you had gone to meet them then. Because trust me, there was absolutely that vibe of ‘we want to bang’ even when I first met him back in Pasadena, and his family surely would’ve known, too.”

Nick couldn’t help but let out a laugh at that. “I don’t think ‘we want to bang’ is the right term for that vibe,” he said.

“It is,” she said, chuckling. “But that’s not the point. He would totally introduce you to his family. Hey, tell me what you know about his family.”

Nick paused for a moment before nodding and answering. “He has a sister, she’s eight years old and she loves elephants. Her name is Bridgett but he calls her Birdy,” he said. “His parents have always been, his words, disgustingly in love. There’s also his uncle Henry, who he loves and is like another father to him. He has two dogs, Tucker and Daisy, who he says are just as important as family.”

“Exactly,” she said with a slight smirk.

“But still, it is a bit too early in our relationship for us to be talking realistically about marriage,” he said, shaking his head.

“You can catch up,” she chuckled.

“Okay, but what about the fact that we logistically have no idea what we’re doing? We’re not settled into our relationship enough to be sure it’ll work. Jeff doesn’t live here,” he pointed out, shaking his head.

“Honestly, I think that that, while yes it is important, is a fairly small obstacle,” she said. “I am pretty sure that boy would move anywhere to be with you in a heartbeat.”

“I’m not sure that that’s healthy, though,” he said, frowning. “And I wouldn’t want him to be across the country from his family, just like he wouldn’t want me to be away from mine.”

“So you’ll talk about it,” she said. “You’ll work it out. Sure, house shopping while planning a wedding could be a bit tricky, but it is what it is. I know that if anybody could make it work, you could.”

“I wish that I had the kind of confidence that you have in this,” he sighed.

“You will,” she assured him and gave him a small smile. She sat up, looking down at him with a soft sigh. “He wouldn’t talk about his family that much if he didn’t think you cared or wouldn’t want you to meet them eventually. So, basically you’re out of your mind for saying no to Jeff. But still, you okay?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” he said with a heavy sigh, rubbing his hand over his face. “I… Maybe you’re right. I don’t know. I need to think about it more.”

“Understandable,” she said, leaning down and kissing his cheek softly. “Just… remember this for me. Jeff is not Natalie. Jeff would not cheat on you, I just know he’s not that kind of person. You know what kind of person he _is_?”

“What kind of person is he?” he asked.

Lacey chuckled softly, smiling as she leaned down and kissed his cheek. “He’s your forever person,” she said. “The kind of person who you can run away from a million times but will still be there when you come back.”

She squeezed his side before getting up and walking out of the room, leaving him feeling equal parts reassured and worried for his future.

***

A week later, he came to a couple of decisions: 1) Lacey was absolutely right and he needed to get Jeff back into his life, and 2) part of making sure that they would have a successful relationship would have to be making sure that there would be no more big surprises lobbed their way. That meant making a trip up to see Natalie, and to clear the air with her.

When he had told Charlie and Lacey about this, both of them had looked like they had wanted to protest but at the same time he knew they understood that he would never be at peace with the situation with her if he didn’t face it head on. Charlie had offered to go along with him, but he declined, deciding that he might as well do this on his own. He wasn’t worried anymore about maybe falling for her again; he was done with her and their relationship and more than anything else he just wanted to really be _done_ with her.

Which is how he found himself, after a few phone calls and a long drive down the coast, waiting on her doorstep. He was doing some math in his head, trying to figure out based on how far along she had been in her pregnancy in June when he looked at her Facebook what she might look like now, since he had no way of keeping up with her once Bennett had stopped talking to her once he left. (The problem with his mental math plan of course being that he was terrible at math and only conclusion that he reached, really, was that she had to be pretty big now.)

Instead of looking “pretty big” at “pretty big” weeks along, when Natalie came to the door, he found her to be as skinny as she had been when he last saw her in person, if not thinner. For a moment he tried to do some recalculations, like maybe he was off by the several months it would have taken her to have had the baby and then subsequently lose the weight that came with pregnancy.

His train of thought was derailed when she sighed softly and said, “Yeah… I know what you’re thinking, and yes, I do have some explaining to do.”

“Okay…” he said slowly in lieu of anything else to say, in part because he wasn’t entirely sure that she _did_ know what he was thinking because he himself wasn’t sure either.

She stepped back from the door to let him in, closing the door behind him then herding him to the living room. “Sit,” she said, giving him a smile.

He took a seat on the loveseat she gestured to, having a quiet moment of gratefulness when she sat down on a recliner instead of beside him.

“So, as you have figured out by now, I’m not pregnant.”

“Yeah, um, yeah, you’re not,” he said with a small nod, still not entirely sure what to do with that new information. When she didn’t say anything for another long moment, he asked, “Were you, well… Were you ever?”

Natalie bit her lip, pausing for a moment before answering. “No,” she said, shaking her head. “But I really thought that I was, at first. I wasn’t really lying about that.”

“You weren’t _really_ lying about that?” he repeated with one eyebrow raised.

“Well, yeah,” she said with a sigh. “When I first called you and told you, I had taken a pregnancy test and it was positive. But when I sent you those messages with updates, I… Okay, yes, I had gone to the doctor and found out that I wasn’t actually pregnant, it was just a false positive.”

“What messages?”

“What? There were messages with details about the baby’s progress… You didn’t get those?”

“Nope,” he said, shaking his head. He made himself hold back a comment about how weird and creepy that was given that there was no baby to speak of.

“I… I wish I had known that. I probably wouldn’t have mentioned it,” she said, biting her lip. “But, um, why wouldn’t you have gotten them?”

“I don’t know,” he said with a shrug, shaking his head. “That’s really not important. I’m more wondering why you felt that it was necessary to even send those…?”

She didn’t say anything for a moment, looking bashful in a way that in the past would have made him forgive all her transgressions and also would have made Lacey gag. _Lacey_.

“Oh. That’s probably it. My sister probably blocked your number when I had her delete it off my phone,” he said, shaking his head slightly. Natalie looked a little bit hurt for a moment, so he repeated, “Why did you bother to send those messages if they weren’t true?”

“Why do you think, Nick?” she asked, letting out a slightly exasperated breath. “I thought they might make you come back.”

He furrowed his brow at her. “You, what? You wanted me to come back?”

“Of course I did, Nick,” she said, shaking her head. “You were the best boyfriend anyone could have ever asked for. And I thought, you know, maybe if I kept messaging you and you thought about it, you might come back. And maybe you would realize that you still wanted to be with me…” She chuckled softly, her face getting serious again after a moment as she scooted forward and reached out to take his hands. “And we could still get back together, Nick, I still believe in us.”

He resisted the urge to snatch his hands away from her, instead slowly pulling them away and shaking his head. “I’m sorry, but that’s not going to happen,” he said.

“Why not?” she asked, a slight pout to her lips. “We were so good together, weren’t we? You can come back to school next semester and we can be the power couple again, just like before.”

Nick shook his head slowly. There were plenty of things that he wanted to say to her, but he reminded himself that he was a nice guy and stopped himself. “I have a boyfriend now,” he said instead, ignoring the fact that he was no longer sure whether or not that was true; he still hadn’t talked to Jeff, partially because he was still working through his emotions and partially because he felt bad that he hadn’t worked through his emotions. He figured that Jeff wouldn’t argue if he had been there, considering his insistence that they were going to get married eventually.

“A… boyfriend?” she repeated, frowning. “A _boy_ friend?”

“Yeah, a boyfriend,” he said, nodding. “Like a girlfriend, but a guy.”

“You’re gay?” she asked.

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “Not gay. Maybe bi, I don’t really know, but it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that I have a boyfriend who I love and so you and I are never going to happen again.”

Natalie nodded slowly, biting her lip. “So… That’s what you’ve been up to all this time. You left school and you ran around the country and you ended up with a boyfriend.” She let out a long breath, shaking her head slowly. “I wish that I could be mad at you, but I can’t find it in me to be.”

“Well, good,” he said, nodding slowly. “I wish that I could be mad at you, too. For entirely different sorts of reasons, I guess.”

“That’s true,” she said, chuckling softly.

They chatted for a big longer, her giving him more details about what had happened after his departure, until eventually he stood up to leave. He let her pull him in for a hug, smiling softly as she said softly into his ear, “Even though we didn’t work out, I’m still glad that I could be a part of your journey.”

Nick gave her a small smile, nodding. “I’m glad you can see it that way,” he said, chuckling softly as he turned to start to leave.

“Hey, Nick?” she asked, making him look back at her.

“Yeah?”

“Where are you headed off to now? Home? I could make you some food or something—”

“I think that I’ll be heading to Sweden, so thank you, but I don’t know if it’ll hold,” he chuckled, smiling softly at the very confused look on her face as he closed the door behind him and went out to his car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Managed to finish this before leaving for Thanksgiving, so I'm pretty happy about that! Happy Thanksgiving to anyone who is American and is reading this!  
> PS, the video that Jeff references is a real thing which, if you haven't already seen, you need to. [Here's the link.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFAK8Vj62WM)


	11. November

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, I meant to have this out wayyy earlier than now, but I got caught up in Thanksgiving, finals, spending time with a friend I might never see again, Christmas, Chanukah, etc, etc. However, I really do hope to have the next and final chapter up within the next week or so. That's pretty optimistic, but I think I may be able to do it.

Booking a plane ticket last minute cost an arm and a leg, not that Nick was particularly surprised by that fact. He knew that it was true, having looked at flights earlier on when he and Jeff were first planning their trip. Luckily, Lacey was willing to throw some money of her own into it, citing a need to keep fighting the good fight in the name of true love.

Part of him was telling him that flying to Sweden on a wild goose chase was insane. Who knew if Jeff was even still there, or if he had even followed through with going in the first place? It would certainly be a lot faster and cheaper to fly out to California and see if he had gone home.

He reasoned with himself that, in a way, trying to track Jeff down in Sweden might’ve been easier than in San Francisco, since he knew what hotel they had booked a room in, and he had no sort of address for Jeff’s home.

More than that, though, he had to admit to himself (and to Lacey), he was still looking for something new. The novelty and excitement that Sweden had been when the suggestion first came up still spoke to him, and there were two ways this could go: 1) he would travel across an ocean and reunite with Jeff and get engaged, completing quite possibly the most epic love story he’d ever heard of happening in real life, or 2) he would leave the continental United States for the first time and, while missing out on the next great love story, he would still get what was likely to be the experience of a lifetime.

“I mean, either way, it’s not like I could just sit there and do nothing,” Nick found himself explaining to the elderly woman sitting next to him on his flight from Chicago O’Hare to Stockholm-Arlanda.

“Well, of course not,” she said with a smile, chuckling.

“Like, my sister says that she’s sure that we’re going to end up back together either way, but…”

The woman smiled and put a hand on his arm. “But if you can get a head start, why not, right?”

“Exactly,” he said, her understanding and support helping to assure him that he was making the right choice in flying out to Sweden practically blind.

He spent the first half of the flight just talking to the woman. Apparently she was a new widow, her husband having passed recently and now that she didn’t have him to take care of her life was feeling empty. She was going to be travelling through various parts of Europe, starting in Sweden.

“I’m not really sure why I chose Stockholm as my first stop. Sweden isn’t really one of the big ones people want to see before they die, is it?” she had said, laughing softly. She then took his hand and gave him a smile that reminded him of his grandmother, adding, “But I think maybe it was because I was meant to meet you and hear your story.”

And Nick really wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to find the words to get across just how grateful he was that he had talked to her, because her words gave him so much more confidence in this whole thing. Sure, it was one thing to have his highly biased sister say that what he had with Jeff was worth doing something this drastic for, but it was another thing entirely to have a near complete stranger agree. Not only that, but she emphasized to him over and over how sweet she thought it was, and how good it felt to hear about someone else’s great love after losing hers.

She got tired after a while and he stopped bothering her so that she could sleep. He attempted to do the same, but he was just wired enough that he couldn’t get himself to. He kept playing out different ways this could go in his head, with them things that had been said to him mixed in.

_I want you and me to be penguins together._

He could show up and find Jeff and they could go back to their hotel room, everything looking good (or he could not even make it that far before Jeff sent him away). But as soon as he would bring up the possibility of them actually getting engaged after all, Jeff could so easily turn him down. When they had last spoken things had seemed hopeful for them; Jeff sounded absolutely sure of their relationship even in the face of a denied proposal.

But given enough time and space to really think about it, Jeff could just as easily have talked himself down from a place where getting married now seemed like a reasonable and good idea to do. After all, yes, Jeff was a highly impulsive person, but he was also intelligent and thoughtful when he wanted to be.

_I know that it_ _’s quick and it_ _’s probably crazy_ _… Please know that I_ _’ve thought this through._

Or he could show up at their hotel and he could find where they were supposed to be rooming and… Jeff could just not be there. He wasn’t sure if that would be better or worse. Sure, things could still have a happy ending if that were to happen, but he would have to track Jeff down back in the States, and even then there was no guarantee what his answer would be. That would just put him back in the first possibility he was juggling in his head, just in a different geographic location.

_He_ _’s your forever person. The kind of person you can run away from a million times but will still be there when you get back._

No. None of that was going to happen.

He had to keep telling himself that, convincing himself that it was the truth and nothing else was. That felt most likely after all, didn’t it? He had spent most of his year with Jeff and he had felt more in those months than he could ever remember in the rest of his life and that had to count for something.

So he had to count on the belief that his sister was right: he could push Jeff away but he would still be there. If he could just do that this one time, then he would never have to risk it the rest of those million chances he had.

He was barely aware of the light coming on to put seatbelts back on as they were preparing to descend, still wrapped up in his thoughts and attempts to either sleep or look like he was sleeping.

What brought him out of it again was the woman next to him setting a paper down on his tray. “That’s my email address,” she announced. “Write to me.”

Nick nodded slightly, looking at the slip of paper and picking it up. “Okay,” he said.

“I want you to keep me up to date on how things go with your special guy,” she said with a soft chuckle. Tapping her pocket, she went on, “My kids got me a smartphone a few months back, but I only just recently got a good hold on email, so I think it’ll be a bit before I can even think about tackling text messaging. So email me. And I want pictures of him.”

“Of course,” he said with a soft laugh, nodding as he folded the paper and slipped it into his pocket. By then the plane was landing and he sat in comfortable silence with her until they were allowed to move again.

As Nick reached up into the overhead compartment and pulled down his bag as well as hers, he heard her laugh softly and he gave her a questioning look.

“I just realized that I don’t think I ever caught your name,” she said.

“Oh,” he said, chuckling softly as he handed her her bag. “Nick. Nick Duval.”

She hummed, smiling at him. “Bridgett Simmons,” she said. “It’s been nice meeting you, Nick.”

“You too, Bridgett,” he said, stopping short and letting out a soft laugh as something clicked in his head. “Bridgett. That’s Jeff’s sister’s name.”

“Good name,” she said with a wink, nodding in approval. “I like her already.”

Nick laughed softly, shaking his head to himself as he hitched his bag up on his shoulder.

Bridgett reached over and squeezed his shoulder. “Go get your boy. I’ll be waiting to hear from you,” she said before turning and getting off the plane.

He watched her for a moment, letting other passengers go by before he left the plane as well. He walked out to baggage claim, watching the other passengers reuniting with luggage and loved ones, and eventually getting his own suitcase when it came out.

For a bit, he paced around the airport lobby area and considered his options. Part of him wanted to just go find somewhere to sleep to regroup before going and seeing about tracking Jeff down, but at the same time he was too wired with the knowledge that he was likely back in the same city as him and he knew that sleeping wouldn’t work. Sure, he was dog tired and probably looked it, but after all, if sleeping hadn’t worked on the plane, why would it work now?

So he left the airport and got in a taxi, directing the driver to take him to the hotel where they’d booked. Once he was there, he steeled himself and walked up to the front desk, silently praying that they had a somewhat lenient policy about guest privacy; it wasn’t like he was expecting the clerk to tell him Jeff’s room number or anything, he knew that no hotel that wanted to stay in business would allow that, but some hotels were more reluctant than others to even confirm that a certain guest was or was not there.

“Um, hi,” Nick said as he stepped up to the counter. He panicked a second later, biting his lip as he asked, “Do you, ah, speak English?”

The man behind the counter let out a soft laugh, nodding. “Yes, sir,” he answered with a smile, his words laced with an accent that was quite apparent but not strong enough to make it difficult to understand. “How can I help you?”

“I’m here to ask about somebody who should be staying here?” he said, inwardly wincing at the way his voice hitched up at the end with nerves to sound like a question. “So that you could maybe call up to his room if he is, you know, here?”

“Yes… I can do that for you,” the man affirmed, turning slightly to look at his computer. “What is the name, sir?”

“Jeff Sterling,” he said.

Nick watched him as he tapped on the keyboard and clicked a couple of times, his brow furrowing. He could feel his heart starting to pound at the look of mild confusion on his face; what if Jeff wasn’t here? Despite what he had told himself about accepting it no matter what and accepting the trip as an exercise in adventure, he was pretty sure he might have a breakdown right there if it turned out that Jeff wasn’t there.

Eventually, though, the man turned back to him with a smile. “Okay, sir, yes, I have found him,” he said. “Should I call Mr. Sterling down to the lobby for you?”

“Yes, please,” he said, nodding quickly and letting out a breath of relief. “I would really appreciate it.”

“Can I tell him a name?” he asked as he reached for the phone.

Nick bit his lip at the question, hesitating for a second. “Would it be a problem if I said no?” he asked. He received the same confused look that the computer was receiving a moment ago, so he considered his options for a moment, figuring that some sort of explanation would help his case. He hesitated for just a moment before starting to talk, reminding himself that Sweden was a progressive country and the fact that this was a gay relationship probably wouldn’t be a sticking point. “I want to surprise him. I’m in love with him and he asked me to marry him and I said no but I realized that I really need to fix that, so… Yeah. I want to surprise him.”

The man laughed softly and nodded. “Alright, sir. It sounds like you have a noble goal in mind. I will call him.”

Nick shifted from foot to foot as he watched him pick up the phone and punch a few buttons. He glanced at a mirror hanging on the wall as he half listened to the phone conversation; he could see in his face how very tired he was, but there wouldn’t be any hope of helping that.

“He says he will be down in a few minutes,” he said as he got off the phone.

Nick nodded slightly, stepping back away from the counter. He dragged his suitcase over to where there were a few chairs, taking in a long breath. For a second he considered sitting down, but he knew that he was about to get back up anyways so he decided against it. He just stood there, staring at where the elevator doors were, feeling a bit like he was suffocating.

And then, there Jeff was. Just as beautiful as he remembered him, barely dressed for the day and his hair a bit of a mess from laying in bed (and he wasn’t sure what time exactly it was, did he wake him up?). He looked around the lobby for a moment with a look of adorable bemusement before his eyes landed on Nick and his face lit up.

“You’re here,” he said with a wide grin, crossing the room towards him and quickly wrapping him up in a tight hug.

“Yeah, yeah I am,” Nick replied, chuckling happily as he enveloped him in his arms in return. “I… I really needed to see you.”

“Oh, believe you me, the feeling is mutual, ducky,” he said, squeezing him even tighter though Nick wasn’t sure how that was possible.

They stood there like that, holding onto each other as if they both felt the need to make up for lost time, for a bit before Jeff pulled back, taking in the sight of Nick and running his fingers though his hair. “Hey, so, um, want to take that up to my room?” he asked. After a second he bit his lip, backpedalling quickly, “Unless that’s presumptuous, I mean, there’s only one bed in there, and I mean, I still, you know—”

“Jeff, Jeff, sweetie, honey, yes, I want to be with you still, and I want to put my things in your room,” he cut him off, chuckling softly at how goddamn adorable he was and how he hadn’t realized until now he much he had missed that.

“Okay, good, great,” Jeff said, his smile growing. He leaned in and kissed Nick’s cheek before grabbing the handle on his suitcase, both actions making Nick’s heart do weird little fluttery things in his chest. He led him back onto the elevator, reaching for his free hand as the doors closed.

“We’ve got a weird amount of catching up to do given how short of a time we’ve been apart,” Nick said with a soft laugh.

“Didn’t feel like a short time,” he commented.

“I know.”

Jeff looked over at him, smiling. “I seriously can’t get over the fact that you’re here. You’re seriously here.”

“Nowhere I’d rather be,” he said with a grin.

The elevator dinged and the doors came open, and they got off to head down the hall for their room. Once they got there Jeff put Nick’s bag on the floor over by his own, then grabbed Nick and flopped onto the king bed in the middle of the room. “You said we had catching up to do. That makes me feel like you’ve got a story to tell,” he said. “So c’mon, tell me about your soul.”

Nick chuckled softly at his wording, nodding. “First, though, I want you to do something for me,” he said.

“Anything,” he said with a nod.

“Propose again,” he said. “Ask me to marry you, right now.”

“Right now?” he asked.

“Do you have the ring?”

“I mean, yeah, I do, but…”

“Then get it,” Nick said, grinning. “And ask me to marry you.”

Jeff just looked at him for a moment, his brow slightly furrowed as he looked at Nick searchingly. After a moment he seemed to decide not to worry too much about it, nodding slightly and rolling over so that he could go over to his luggage. He pulled the ring out and looked down at Nick on the bed, asking, “Should I get down on one knee and everything? In which case, you should sit up, too.”

“No, no getting down on knees necessary,” he said, reaching out to grab at Jeff, who let himself be pulled back onto the bed easily. “Just ask me.”

Letting out a long breath, he nodded. “I feel like I need to make a speech again.”

“The first speech was enough,” he said. “It was beautiful. Penguins, mating for life. I want to be your penguin.”

Jeff laughed softly, leaning in and kissing him, their noses brushing together. “Let me have my moment, Duval,” he said. “I practiced that speech in my head for hours. I could probably repeat it word for word right now.”

“If that’s what you want to do, go ahead,” he said with a shrug.

“No, no, I think I’ll say to you what I’ve wanted to since we last spoke,” he said. He held up the ring between them, going on, “I didn’t realize how much I started to count on having you in my life until I was facing the reality of not having you readily available. It feels insane to care about you and crave you as much as I do, but I really do, and I never want to have to wonder when I’m going to see you next again. And I don’t want you to have to worry, either. I want you to be able to have this ring right here to look at whenever we’re not together, to know that I’m always right there.”

He paused and looked up at Nick, who gave him a grin.

“So, yeah… Will you marry me?”

Nick let out a laugh and nodded, closing the distance between them to kiss him again. “Of course,” he said against his lips. As they kissed their hands moved between them, slipping the ring on Nick’s left hand ring finger.

Jeff pulled back after a bit, looking down at the ring on Nick’s finger with a grin. “That went a lot better this time,” he said with a laugh.

“It did,” he said, nodding and chuckling. “Though, you maybe lose some points for ending your speech like you were presenting a project in school. So… Yeah…” He grinned as he teased him, giving him a playful shove.

“Hey, give me some credit, you put me on the spot,” he laughed. “Generally the person who is doing the proposing gets to decide when it happens.”

“And you did,” Nick said with a nod. “The first time. This time, well, I figured that it needed doing.”

“I’m not going to fight a good thing,” he said. “It absolutely did need to happen.”

Nick hummed happily, giving him another quick kiss. “Now everything is right in my world.”

“Everything?” Jeff asked, bumping their noses together and raising an eyebrow at him. “Again, my love, I feel like you’re going to have to fill me in here.”

“Alright, alright,” he said, nodding. “Honestly, not… Not a whole lot really did happen. It kind of felt like it did, probably because of how time decided to slow down to a crawl the instant you left.”

“That happened for you, too?” he asked with a soft laugh.

“You have no idea,” he said. “Which I guess is part of the reason I knew that I had to come back to you. That and a very stirring lecture from my sister.”

Jeff let out a laugh at that, his eyebrows raising. “I knew I liked her for a reason,” he said teasingly. “Oh, how I wish I would have been there to hear that. I think it might’ve been entertaining.”

“She was a lot gentler about it than she could have been,” he said with a small shrug. “Though she did make it very apparent how much she thought I was making a horrible mistake in saying no to you.”

“Which you were,” he affirmed with a nod.

“I know,” Nick said, rolling his eyes and pecking Jeff’s lips again. “But that totally is not the point.”

“Then what is the point?” Jeff asked with a soft laugh.

“The point is that I am now back in your arms, completely prepared to fully devote myself to you, now that I have tied up some loose ends,” he said. “Which is to say that I talked to Natalie.”

He could feel Jeff tense up ever so slightly at those words, the way one does subconsciously when bracing themselves for bad news. “Yeah?” he said, looking at him with curious eyes though his voice as well betrayed his hesitation.

“She’s not pregnant,” he said. “And she never was.”

Jeff nodded and smiled at him, the nerves rolling off of his shoulders almost tangibly. “That’s good,” he said, taking his hand again and squeezing it.

Nick had to stop for a moment, finding himself a bit struck by how very much Jeff’s reaction was indicative of why their relationship worked. In the time they had known each other, they had never really fully addressed the topic of Natalie’s pregnancy. It was just the elephant in the room that made Nick uncomfortable to talk about. But even without ever articulating exactly what his thoughts on the matter were, Jeff had somehow been able to glean that truth from him anyways. And even now he didn’t need to say out loud what those feelings were, Jeff just celebrated with him but also gave him the small comfort he needed in that small part of his mind that had kept asking, _Well, what if? That wouldn_ _’t be so bad, would it? You like kids, don_ _’t you?_

(And, of course, Jeff was well within his rights to say “I told you so,” given that when they had first met he had told Nick point blank that he didn’t think that she was really expecting. But he didn’t.)

“Yeah, it is,” he said finally, pulling his hand free from Jeff’s to cup his face as he gave him another slow kiss.

They laid there like that for what was probably hours, just talking; at first they caught up on the sights Jeff had seen thus far, then just went on to talk about anything they could think of until, as Jeff would later love to remind him over and over, Nick literally fell asleep midsentence, and Jeff let himself follow after.

When they woke up again the clock on the nightstand informed them that it was getting late in the evening. Jeff laughed and lightheartedly bemoaned the “complete and utter waste of an entire day” while Nick just chalked it up to jet lag.

“We can try and do something more active tomorrow,” he said with a soft laugh.

“But we’ve slept all day, and now we’re going to have to sleep again to get to tomorrow,” Jeff replied with a pout.

“I know, I know, but I don’t really feel like getting out of bed right now,” he said.

“You’re lazy and awful and I can’t believe I made the decision to legally attach myself to you for the rest of my life,” he said with a laugh.

Nick just laughed and grinned at him. “You love me,” he said, leaning in and kissing him slowly.

“I do, I do. Far too much for my own good,” Jeff said with a soft laugh before kissing him again. He wrapped his arms around him, pulling him in closer and shifting so that Nick was laying on top of him.

They kissed like that for long enough that Nick had absolutely no idea how much time had passed, their bodies pressed in close tangled up together. Eventually Jeff put his hands on Nick’s chest, pushing him up slightly. “Do you want to have sex?” he asked in a whisper.

Nick blinked in surprise at the question but nodded. “Do you?”

“Mhmm,” Jeff hummed and nodded, giving him a small smile before pulling him down to kiss him again, his hands moving down to pull at Nick’s clothing.

It was different with a guy, and there was no denying that. But as their bodies moved together, Nick found himself anything but missing the longer hair and curves and smudged makeup that had had always marked his prior intimate encounters.

Instead he was looking down at Jeff and taking in the sight of his gentle abs and firm skin and the blush that covered it. Part of him was sure that he could get off from just the sight of Jeff like this.

This was, he decided, one of the best things he had ever done. Lips on lips, lips on skin, hands anywhere they could touch, eyes always returning back to meet each other again… Nick had been fairly certain before that he could never feel closer to Jeff than he already did; he proved himself wrong.

And after, using a wet washcloth to clean Jeff up then curling up with him, their still slightly sticky skin pressing together in a way that should have been unpleasant but wasn’t… That was probably the best part.

Jeff was curled up into him now, his face nuzzled up against Nick’s shoulder. “I love you,” he said softly against his skin, reaching over and taking his hand again.

“I love you too,” he said with a soft, happy laugh and squeezed his hand.

Jeff hummed happily, pressing soft kisses over his shoulder and his neck, causing goosebumps to pop up over his skin. He chuckled softly at the sight, continuing his actions. Eventually he laid his head back down and pulled the blanket up over them again, just looking at Nick adoringly.

Nick let his eyes fall closed as he felt Jeff’s arms warm and close around him. He started to drift off to sleep, lulled by the sounds of their breaths, lined up perfectly so that Jeff exhaled as he inhaled.

He was almost asleep when Jeff spoke again. “Are you awake?” he asked softly. “I want to tell you something.”

“Yeah, I’m awake,” he said, opening his eyes again to look at his fiancé and giving him a smile. “What is it?”

“It’s…” Jeff started, furrowing his brow as he looked like he was concentrating, trying to find the right words. “I was so, so worried about having sex with you.”

“Why?” he asked softly, trying to make sure his voice was free of judgment or anything else.

“Because, well, in the past, it’s like, well…” he started and then stopped again with a sigh. “I always hated it. With other guys. It didn’t matter if I was, you know, pitching or receiving, or if I tried it out with different guys. I just… I never enjoyed it.”

Nick nodded slowly, furrowing his brow. “Why didn’t you tell me that?” he asked softly. “We didn’t… We didn’t have to do that if you didn’t want to, if you felt like you had to or something…?”

“No, Nick, no,” he said quickly, shifting so that he could peck his lips. “That’s… No. I mean, yes, in the past I’ve had sex just because I felt like it was expected of me. But I wanted to do this, for you, even if I wasn’t going to enjoy it.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better,” he said, biting his lip.

“Shh, shh, honey, please listen,” Jeff said, rubbing his hand over Nick’s chest. “It was… It was different with you. I have no idea why, but it was… I liked it. I really did.” He let out a soft laugh, giving Nick a smile.

“You mean that?” he asked, smiling at him.

“Yeah, I do, I promise,” he said with a nod, kissing him again. “I don’t know what made it better, but it was.”

“I’m glad,” he said. “I’ll try and make sure it stays good.”

“Right,” he said with a soft laugh, rolling his eyes fondly. “I don’t think it was just a matter of being good sex. But the effort is appreciated.”

“Anything for you,” Nick said, kissing him softly. “Just so long as you want it. If you ever change your mind about that, that’s okay, too.”

Jeff nodded, smiling at he kissed him again. “Okay,” he said. “Thank you.”

He didn’t say anything back, just smiled at him and ran his fingers through Jeff’s hair.

“You can go back to sleep now,” Jeff murmured. “In fact, you should. I intend to actually do things tomorrow, so we should get some sleep.”

“Okay,” he said, nodding. “You’re right.” He reached out and turned the lamp off, bathing the room in darkness. “Goodnight, Jeff.”

“Goodnight, Nicky,” he said back softly, his eyelashes tickling skin as he closed his eyes. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to his hair before laying his head down to sleep.

***

The next two weeks were a flurry of activity. While they indulged in some lazy time spent lounging about in their room, watching Swedish television and trying to come up with what all of the actors might be saying, they spent the majority of their days out and about.

Jeff had prepared a list of things that they needed to do together and he organized their days to strategically get them all done.

They visited Rosendal’s Garden and reminisced as they walked about one of their first encounters which had, too, happened in a park like this (“Bookends, Nick, it’s bookends”). The air was cold and they lamented their decision to come in the late autumn, but they accepted it because there was still plenty of beauty to take in and plenty of amazing food to eat, and promised to themselves that they would come back at some point in their lives during the summer.

Walking around in Stortorget, they took in the medieval charm and mused about what kind of place they wanted to live. Nick had always been charmed by places that had an old town feel, and Jeff hummed happily as he agreed with him. They had yet to fully address their more immediate plans as far as where they wanted to live, but this felt like a honeymoon and no part of him wanted to break that.

Jeff had insisted on them spending a day in Sodermalm, excitedly chattering about how he’d read that it was hipster and fun and there were plenty of bars. They went through several small shops and galleries and he was about sure that Jeff was going to explode at any minute. They stayed up late that night and Jeff got a little tipsy and he was absolutely the most adorable thing Nick had ever seen.

If money had been no object and immigration not an issue, Nick wasn’t sure that they ever would have gone home.

***

As is the way things are, they did go back to the States, just before Thanksgiving to spend it with Nick’s family. Nick had sent ahead word to his mother that he would be bringing Jeff along, part of him wanting to surprise his siblings with the extra guest when they got there. He was fairly certain that they would expect him to come back with Jeff in tow (whether or not they would have admitted as much out loud had he _not_ brought him along), seeing as how they were possibly more confident in his relationship than he was. Charlie, being the more grounded and subtle one of the two of them, would probably have less of a reaction, but he knew that Lacey would be surprised enough to make her reaction worthwhile.

And sure enough, it was.

When they walked into his house they were first greeted by Charlie, who let out a laugh and grinned widely at the sight of them. “Hey, would you look at that,” he said, pulling Nick in for a hug and then Jeff. “Wasn’t sure when you’d be coming in.”

“Well, here we are,” Nick said with a soft laugh.

“There you are,” Charlie agreed with a nod, chuckling again happily and squeezing Nick’s shoulder.

He smiled back at him as he walked in and greeted his parents sitting in the living room.

Celia stopped him when he tried to pull back, grabbing his left hand and looking at the ring. “Ooh, look at that,” his mother hummed as she inspected it. She looked over at Jeff with a grin, adding, “You’ve sure got some good tastes.”

Jeff laughed softly, a light blush touching his cheeks. “Thanks,” he said.

She hugged Nick again and then nudged him towards his father to show him the ring, then Charlie who hadn’t thought to look at it before, the idea of his younger brother being engaged feeling so foreign.

“Where’s Lace?” Nick asked, raising a brow as he looked around the room which was distinctly lacking in his sister.

“Mm, I think she’s in her room,” his mother said, glancing over her shoulder toward the stairs.

“Alright, thanks,” he said with a nod, taking Jeff’s hand again. They dropped their bags off in his room before going on to Lacey’s, finding her spread out over her bed asleep.

Nick glanced back at Jeff with a grin, giving him a signal to keep quiet, before crossing the room to get onto her bed. He made slow movements, trying to keep the surface of the mattress from moving too much and disturbing her as he leaned down over her. He brought his hands close to her ear, then brought them together in a single loud clap.

Lacey startled awake with a yelp, rolling over. Blinking quickly and seeing who it was she started to laugh and kneed him. “What the hell, I could have died of a heart attack!”

“You’re a physically fit, healthy-eating girl in your early twenties, I think you’re okay,” he said with a soft laugh.

“You don’t know that,” she said, chuckling and shaking her head. She reached up and pulled him down to lay beside her, saying, “C’mere, baby brother, you got in my bed, you’re snuggling.”

Nick laughed, rolling his eyes but allowing himself to be pulled down. “Fine, I’ll cuddle with you, my very unobservant sister.”

“What?” she asked, furrowing her brow.

Just laughing softly, he pointed towards where Jeff was still standing.

Lacey all but screeched excitedly, sitting up quickly. “Other baby brother!” she said as she launched herself out of bed and hugged Jeff tightly. “You’re here!”

“Of course I am,” he said with a smile.

“So, our Nicholas fixed everything up?” she asked as she grabbed his hands and pulled him toward the bed. “PS, you’re joining the cuddling party, no excuses, you’re family now.”

“I would be more upset if I was left out,” he said, chuckling.

“Don’t encourage her,” Nick groaned, shaking his head.

“Can’t help it, gotta get in good with the in-laws, right?” he said, laying down and sliding an arm around Nick as Lacey settled in against him.

“In-laws?” Lacey repeated, a wide smile spreading across her face.

“To answer your question about Nick fixing things up, yes, he absolutely did,” Jeff said with a laugh. He grabbed Nick’s hand, showing Lacey the ring.

“Oh my god, this is so exciting,” she said, giving them both hugs that were less awkward than they could have been given the difficulty of hugging someone properly while laying down. “We need to celebrate, there is celebration in order.”

They listened in amusement as Lacey mused about what all she should do to celebrate, what alcohol needed to be bought, could she possibly get them fake IDs or maybe get a bunch of people together to create a better environment for it, or maybe something more quiet at the house would be better anyways, more modern, etc.

But eventually their jet lag got the better of them and they fell asleep, making Lacey put off any and all plans she was forming in her mind.

“Angels,” she said softly to herself as she looked down at them sleeping.

***

They were woken up on November 26th to Lacey in their room, grabbing their blankets and pulling them off the bed.  “Drunksgiving!” she said. “Wake up, it’s Drunksgiving!”

Nick groaned, shaking his head. “Stop,” he mumbled, throwing an arm over his face. “Thanksgiving is _tomorrow_ , and you’re confusing it with Christmas.”

“No, I’m not,” she said, sitting down. “I said Drunksgiving. As in, we getting drunk off our asses.”

“That sounds like a terrible idea,” Jeff said, opening his eyes slowly to look up at her. “It’s still morning. I’m sleeping.”

“No, it’s almost noon. I would hardly call that morning,” she said.

“We’re still adapting to Pennsylvania time,” he mumbled, shaking his head.

“That makes no sense, it’s already practically evening in Sweden, you should have been up for hours by now,” she whined, pouting down at them.

“Why do we even need to start drinking now?” Nick asked, furrowing his brow. “Day drinking for me just means I’m going to fall asleep, like… way too early.”

“We need to pick out the alcohol now. Drink later,” she said with a soft laugh.

“See, I’m just not sure that that is a good idea. I think that picking the alcohol can wait,” he said.

“Fine, jerks,” Lacey said, shaking her head and getting up. “Later, though. We are definitely going to drink later.”

“Alright. Love you, Lacey,” Nick mumbled before snuggling back in against Jeff.

“I don’t want to get drunk,” Jeff said softly.

Nick just chuckled, nodding. “Me neither, really,” he murmured.

“Does this mean we’re old?”

“Probably,” he said. “I don’t mind, though. Anyways, if we just hang out in here, she might forget about it.”

“You really think that’ll work?” he asked with a soft laugh.

Shrugging, Nick replied, “I don’t know. It might.”

“You’re too hopeful for your own good,” he said, kissing his cheek.

“What can I say? You’ve rubbed off on me,” he said.

“Oh god, you just got even cuter,” Jeff groaned, pressing his face into the curve of Nick’s neck. “I’m going back to sleep now, before I explode.”

Nick laughed softly, closing his eyes again as well.

It wasn’t long, though, before they reached the conclusion that they were well and truly awake by then. Still, though, they weren’t entirely ready to be up and about and around the family (not that Nick didn’t love his family, of course, it was just that, well… after spending time with almost exclusively Jeff for company, it was a bit jarring to go back to having practically no alone time with his fiancé), so they turned on the TV and started a movie marathon.

One or the other kept dozing off every now and then, which necessitated explanations of what was going on in the movie.

“You’re really terrible at explaining things,” Jeff said with a soft laugh.

Nick shook his head as he looked over at him. “Okay, but you’re completely awful at describing people or remembering their names,” he said. “I’m surprised you can even follow the plot of these movies given how awful you are at distinguishing people.”

“Well, at least I _can_ follow the plot,” he teased back with a laugh. “I really think you’re just making stuff up.”

“What I said makes perfect sense if you knew what I was talking about.”

“And there’s the problem,” Jeff said with a laugh, kissing Nick’s shoulder. “I absolutely do not know what you’re talking about. That is why I asked in the first place.”

Nick laughed and kissed him, admitting defeat and falling silent again to return their attention to the movie playing, currently Good Will Hunting (“I’m still really mourning Robin Williams, if I start crying, you can’t judge me”).

Of course, Lacey wasn’t going to let go of Drunksgiving so easily. She turned at the door to their room again as the afternoon started creeping into evening, knocking a few times. “I went to the liberty of getting us some Cuervo,” she said through the door.

Nick glanced over at Jeff, raising an eyebrow.

“It could be fun,” Jeff said with a small smile, laughing softly.

“Mm…” he hummed in thought, biting his lip before sighing and nodding. “Alright, I guess you’re right.”

“Wonderful,” he said, kissing his cheek. “If nothing else, it’ll be nice of us to throw Lacey a bone. I think she’s earned that.”

“You always encourage her and I don’t think you know how dangerous that is,” he said with a soft laugh before getting up, pulling Jeff along with him. They went to the door where Lacey was standing with Charlie, apparently having just collected him as well, and quite possibly the largest bottle of tequila Nick had ever seen. They then went out with her to their covered patio, pulling their chairs into a circle to face each other to drink.

There were not very many things that Nick would remember later on about Drunksgiving 2014. What he could say for sure was that they had started out with good intentions, mixing margaritas for themselves and maybe pouring a bit heavy on the tequila, but that quickly devolved into drinking straight from the bottle and passing it around.

He vaguely recalled Lacey pouring what was probably an extra shot and a half or so of tequila into her margarita then wimping out and handing it off to an unknowing Jeff to finish.

There was also a hazy memory in there of Jeff calling Charlie a pussy in order to get him to finish off the bottle.

At one point Nick realized he needed to do laundry and, as happens when intoxicated, that suddenly turned into a thing that needed to be done _now_. He would look back and marvel at the fact that he and Lacey’s combined efforts to get the washing machine running did not break said washing machine.

The last memory that he had was laying in the dark with Jeff, about to go to sleep, repeatedly asking Jeff if he thought he was “that drunk” and if he was “that drunk, you would tell me, right?” As far as he could recall, Jeff, being the saint that he was (and not particularly more sober than Nick was), assured him that he was totally fine and wrapped his arms around him to sleep.

***

Getting drunk the day before Thanksgiving, as just about anyone could have predicted, was a terrible idea. The first half of the day was spent laying around feeling miserable and never getting too far from a trash can or toilet, and about the time that dinner was served was when the four of them _started_ to feel slightly more human, just enough so that they managed to eat some of the more plain foods like turkey and bread rolls.

“I don’t feel bad for any of you,” Celia announced to them. “You brought this upon yourselves.”

Shortly later she also made the sweeping declaration that alcohol was banned in future years from the entire day before Thanksgiving until dinner is served, saving them from potential disasters such as this.

The last few days of November were spent with Nick’s family, playing stupid pranks and laughing and telling jokes at each other’s expenses. With Jeff feeling more and more like he was a part of the Duval family, he felt more like it was past overdue that Nick met his family. And so, they agreed that for Christmas, they would be flying out to San Francisco.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI, my original intention for this chapter was to include more adventures in Sweden and shenanigans in the Duval household, but seeing as how this is super late, some corners were cut. I might, after all is said and done, if anyone but me even cares, revisit this verse to write more about this missing moments.


	12. December

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, wow, I'm sorry. I'm trash. This took wayyyy longer than I intended it to. As a result, I kind of glossed over Christmas, so that is another thing that I would expand on if/when I return to write more missing moments, or anything else in this verse. So anyways, hope you enjoy this final chapter and forgive how late it is!

"I really do not see a difference in any of these colors," Nick said, shaking his head as he looked down at the paint chips that were laying on the floor between him and Jeff.

"Then I am pretty sure you are literally colorblind," Jeff replied, shaking his head as he looked down at them. "These are absolutely three distinctly different colors." He pointed to each of them as he explained: "See how this one is slightly more green than the other two? That's mint. Then there's the one that's more of a sky blue, then lastly we've got this one which is kind of in between. Tiffany blue."

"Blue," Nick said with a small nod. "Blue, and blue."

Earlier in the day, Jeff had gone to the Home Depot and picked up what was probably in the neighborhood of a hundred or so paint chips which were now spread out on the floor. They were now looking through them in hopes of nailing down what they wanted their wedding colors to be.

"Okay. Fine. They're all blue to you, you poor, legitimately colorblind soul," Jeff said with a soft laugh, looking down at them again. "Do any of these apparently exactly the same shades of blue feel more appealing than any others?"

Nick laughed softly, shrugging. "I'm not going to lie to you, I really don't even know," he said. "Maybe the one on the left."

"My left or your left?" he asked with a laugh.

"Oh," he said, chuckling as he looked back down at the chips. "My left."

Jeff nodded. "Mint," he said. "I was kind of thinking the same, even though mint is very in right now so basically everyone is using it."

"I'm not sure that that's a real thing," Nick said, shaking his head.

“Look, beautiful, I am perfectly willing to love you in spite of your apparent disability—”

"I'm not sure that color blindness is a disability."

"It is a lack of ability to discern color," Jeff said with a small shrug. "Anyways, sunshine, I am perfectly willing to accept that maybe you can't see colors the same as most people can. But what I am not willing to accept is you completely denying the existence of trends. You have a sister. We have been spending plenty of time with said sister, look in her closet and I promise we will find lots of mint."

"And probably a thing or two we would have rather not seen," he said with a soft laugh.

"God, stop," Jeff said with a soft laugh, shaking his head but leaning forward to give him a quick kiss anyways. "But really, let's be honest. She'd probably put any unmentionable items in her nightstand or somewhere in her dresser."

"We so shouldn't be talking about this or even thinking about it."

"You're the one who brought it up," Jeff said with a laugh, grinning at him before grabbing the two bluer cards and putting them aside. He started taking some of the other colors and putting them up beside the mint one, humming to himself in approval or shaking his head slightly. Nick wasn't exactly sure what the process Jeff was going through in his head was, but there was something undeniably adorable about it.

"Hey," he said softly.

Jeff startled slightly, chuckling in embarrassment when he realized what he'd just done. "Yeah?"

Nick just smiled at him, reaching out and covering his hand with his own. "How long have you been planning your wedding?"

"Honestly?" Jeff asked with a soft laugh, shaking his head slightly to himself. "A... A really long time. Is that weird?"

"No," Nick said, shaking his head. "It's... It's really sweet. What I think is maybe more weird is that for me... I never really thought much at all about what my wedding specifically would be like. Mostly, instead, I just... I thought about the person I would be marrying."

"Did you ever picture someone like me?" Jeff asked with a soft laugh, winking at him.

"Do you mean someone _like_ you, or do you mean a guy?" he asked, chuckling.

"I'm pretty sure you know exactly what I mean," he said and flashed him a bright grin. "I mean, I think that it was a given that you were going to end up with someone with a personality like mine."

"Because your personality is startlingly similar to Lacey's and there's something weird and Freudian about me?"

"No," Jeff laughed, shaking his head. "That would be more if, say, I had your mother's personality. No, it's because you, ducky, are so much more of a realist than I am. And without someone like me to keep you dreaming, you'd be one hell of a pessimist. And rightfully so, all things considered."

"You're sweet," he said with a small smile.

"Oh, I know," he said with a grin, then nudged him. "Now, c'mon, you didn't answer the question."

"No, I never imagined marrying a guy," he said, shaking his head. "But I think I like how things turned out way better than if I had just... stayed the course and bound myself to the first willing girl."

"Yeah, I tell you what, I'm really glad you didn't do that, too," Jeff said with a grin. He glanced down at the paint chips and shoved them out of the way, then gestured for Nick to roll over. "I'm going ahead and tentatively saying mint and white, but that's not set in stone. But it's got plenty of possibilities."

"Okay," Nick said with a smile. "Whatever you say."

Jeff laughed softly and nodded as he moved to lay on top of Nick, looking down at him. "You're going to start to understand weddings and have real opinions about these things by the time I'm done with you," he said. "If it's the last thing I do."

"If it _does_ turn out to be the last thing you do, at least promise me that you'll marry me before you die," he said.

"I don't know if that'll be possible," he said, chuckling and reaching for Nick's hands to interlace their fingers.

"Well, then, it better not be the last thing you do," Nick chuckled, leaning down and kissing him.

"That all depends on you," Jeff replied with a soft laugh, mussing Nick's hair with a grin.

"Alright, alright," he said. "Though, you have to admit, I _did_ already express an opinion. I liked that blue more than the other blues."

"Nice try, ducky, but mint is barely even blue. I love you, but no," he said, chuckling softly.

"It was an opinion nonetheless," he said.

"And getting it out of you was like pulling teeth."

"If pulling teeth is that easy for you, maybe you missed your calling as a dentist," he said with a grin.

"Ugh, no," he groaned, dropping his head to press his face against Nick's chest. "No. You know how I feel about dentistry and also blood."

"I do, I do," he chuckled, running his fingers through Jeff's hair.

"However," Jeff said, turning his head so that his cheek was rested against Nick's chest and he was looking up at him, "That's a great idea for Halloween next year."

"You going as a dentist?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No, silly," he said. "I'll be the elf who wants to be a dentist from Rudolph. Hermey."

"Wait... was his name really Hermey?" he asked. "That doesn't sound right."

"His name is totally Hermey," he affirmed, nodding. "We can watch the movie if you don't believe me. Anyways, point is, it's perfect. I've got literally the perfect hair for it. And it'll give us a totally reasonable excuse to get an extra month of Christmas ahead of Thanksgiving."

"Okay, I guess I can accept that," Nick said with a soft laugh. "So, I'm guessing that this plan makes me Rudolph?"

"Probably," he said. Shrugging, he added, "Or, if you bulk up a bit, you could be Yukon Cornelius."

"Is this you saying that you want me to bulk up?" Nick asked with a laugh.

"No, you're perfect the way you are," he said with a laugh, kissing his chin. "You would actually be kind of freaky looking if you were shaped like Yukon Cornelius."

"Would you still love me if I looked like Yukon Cornelius?"

Jeff laughed and then paused for a moment, looking like he was having to put serious thought into it. "Yeah, no, I'm sorry, no can do," he said, shaking his head.

"Wow, cold," he said with a soft laugh. "Should we get a prenup? You know, should I ever end up looking like a stop motion character from, like, it's got to be like fifty years old."

"Something like that," Jeff said with a soft laugh, rolling his eyes. Giving Nick's hand a squeeze, he added softly, "On a more serious note, though, no prenup. I've got faith in us."

"I do, too," Nick said, giving him a smile.

"Good," he said. "And of course, point of clarification, either way you're not allowed to turn into Yukon Cornelius."

"Why am I not allowed to have any fun?" he asked with a soft laugh.

"Maybe when your definition of fun stops being really weird shit," he said with a soft laugh. "But hey, if you want, you can put some qualifier on your love for me."

"Like, say, I no longer have to love you if you start wearing socks with sandals?"

"Sure," he said with a laugh. "But I think that you could do a whole lot better."

This led into a long conversation about what would or would not warrant withholding love involving plenty of contorting their bodies and asking, "Would you still love me if...?"

Eventually the evening turned into night and neither of them felt like moving, so they fell asleep just like that: laying on Nick's bedroom floor with no blankets or cushions, just a small mountain of paint chips and Jeff using Nick as a bed.

***

They flew out to California about a week and a half before Christmas, giving them plenty of time to get settled and for Nick to get to know his future in-laws.

“Is it dumb that I’m nervous?” Nick asked him with a soft laugh as they sat on the plane, their hands laced together between them.

“Not at all,” Jeff said, kissing his cheek. “It’s actually really cute and sweet.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Like, you care that much. I mean, you were just as nervous when you were introducing me to your family. It’s nice.”

“I just want to be sure everything is going to work out,” he said.

“It will,” Jeff affirmed with a nod, squeezing his hand. “I promise. Birdy likes everyone, especially if I like them first. She’ll love you. And my mom has been dying for me to find someone to love for the longest time, if for no other reason than she wants me to have _something_ to take seriously.”

“You take plenty of things seriously,” he said.

“Mostly you,” he said, kissing his cheek. “Anyways, she’ll be totally charmed by you. Guarantee it. The only person who might seem kind of like he doesn’t love you right off the bat is my dad. But I promise, Nick, he’s a huge teddy bear and he’ll love you anyways. He just won’t like the idea of having to face the fact that his children are getting older and falling in love and getting married.”

“Noted,” he said, letting out a soft chuckle that was almost mostly not nerves. “I’ll try and make a good impression.”

“You’re not going to have to try,” Jeff said, smiling at him.

“Okay,” he said with a small nod, letting out a soft breath.

“Now, sleep. You didn’t sleep right last night and you’re going to regret that,” he said, lifting his hand to nudge Nick so that his head would be against his shoulder. Nick protested softly but he just shook his head and shushed him, repeating, “Sleep.”

***

The Sterling household felt every bit like the kind of place you would expect a person like Jeff to come from. Walking in the front door started up a flurry of activity, but not the kind where it was overwhelming or anything. No, it was more like the way Jeff himself was: the most pleasant, welcoming whirlwind you could imagine.

There were two dogs excitedly barking and whining as they walked in, wet golden retriever noses sniffling excitedly at both Nick and Jeff and their bags. Nick watched Jeff with a smile as the blond sat himself down on the floor to let the dogs get all over him. “Yes, hello Daisy, hello Tucker, I missed you too, yes, oh so much,” he said, laughing and grinning and petting every bit of wiggling fur he could touch. He looked up at Nick, gesturing for him to sit down as well. “If I was thinking I would have at least gotten into the living room. But I get kind of immobilized by dog love.”

“I see, I see,” Nick said with a soft laugh, nodding as he sat down beside him.

“The bigger, kinda reddish one, that’s Tucker, he’s older,” he explained. “And our true little golden here, this is Daisy.”

Nick nodded and smiled, chuckling to himself as Daisy tried to lick his face. She turned away and grabbed a tennis ball then came back making a loud whining noise.

“Oh, hush, you,” Jeff said with a laugh, reaching over and petting the dog. “She only does this when she has a toy in her mouth. There’s no reason for it.”

Meeting the dogs first, of course, felt pretty great. Dogs didn’t really care what you were like or who you were as long as you pet them. And since Nick was not only petting them but he also brought their owner who had been gone a while back to them, he was feeling like some kind of god among dogs.

But with the loud greeting that Daisy and Tucker were giving them, it was only natural that there would soon be people coming to see what was going on, especially since, Nick reasoned, the Sterlings had to know that they were due about then.

A woman with short blond hair and a warm smile appeared in the doorway, taking in the sight of them. She cleared her throat, making Jeff’s head snap up.

“Mom! Hey,” he said with a grin, quickly standing back up and nudging the dogs so that he could go over and hug her. He stood several inches taller than her, having to bend down slightly in order to give her a lingering hug. When he pulled back, he turned and gestured towards Nick. “As you’ve probably figured out, this would be Nick. And Nick, this is my mom.”

“Nick,” she repeated, moving towards him and holding out a hand to shake. “You can call me Kelly.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” he said, shaking her hand only to be pulled into a hug.

“You too,” she said, giving him a smile that made his eyes dart towards Jeff; there was absolutely no question where Jeff’s contagious, trust-inducing smile came from, seeing this woman standing before him. “It’s nice to actually be able to put a face to the name we’ve been hearing so much about.”

“You’ve heard a lot about me?” Nick asked before he could really stop himself; it was cliché and whether or not it was even true, that was what parents meeting the significant other always had to say. It was just kind of surprising to him, since Jeff had never seemed to be on his phone or anything that much while they were back east.

“Any time we talked to Jeff, it seems like you were all he could talk about,” she said with a laugh. “Now, c’mon, let’s get you in the living room, sit on down. Are you guys hungry? Need anything to drink?” She ushered them into the living room, then went to another doorway that was presumably the kitchen.

“No, I’m alright, thanks,” Nick said with a smile, shaking his head.

“He’ll have a diet Coke, actually, he needs some energy,” Jeff said, grinning at him. “And one for me as well, please.”

“Of course,” she said, disappearing into the kitchen and coming back with two soda bottles and handing them to them before sitting down herself. Looking at Jeff, she explained, “Bridgett has been hyperactive all day knowing you were coming back today, so your dad took her out somewhere. I told them to be back…” She trailed off for a moment, glancing at the clock on the wall, “about twenty minutes ago. So, any time now.”

Jeff laughed softly, nodding. “Sounds about right,” he said.

“Though I’m surprised she let him lose track of time like that, seeing as how she’s been dying to see you again,” she said.

Nick smiled softly as he listened to the two of them chat for a bit, catching up on what their neighbors and other family friends and acquaintances had been up to while he was away. His mind started to wander, given all of the entirely unfamiliar names, and he looked around the room. He wasn’t sure what exactly he had been expecting out of the house where Jeff had grown up, but he figured that this was about right. There were lots of windows with curtains pulled back to keep the house bright with natural light, family photos both posed and candid hanging on the walls, dog toys strewn about on the floor, overall feeling just the right side of messy. He found himself thinking about a younger Jeff growing up here, sitting on this floor and playing with a much younger Tucker, or maybe even a dog before Tucker was around.

He was jolted from his daydream by the sound of the dogs getting up again in excitement as a door opened somewhere deeper in the house. He could hear a young girl’s voice chattering excitedly, and the sound was quickly followed by the sight of the eight-year-old he knew from pictures rushing into the room and into Jeff’s arms.

“Jeffy!” she cried out as she hugged him tightly. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Birdy,” he said, hugging her back and rubbing her shoulder blades. Nick watched them for a moment, smiling softly, knowing how much Jeff had missed his little sister.

Out of the corner of his eye he noticed that while he was watching them, he himself was being watched by a man that logic told him had to be Jeff’s father. He was certainly an imposing figure, his height making how Jeff had towered over his mother look like nothing. There was something kind of hardened about his face, though Nick wasn’t sure what exactly it was.

He looked back at Jeff and Bridgett, watching her eventually pull back and turn her attention to Nick. “Hi,” she said, sliding off of Jeff’s lap to sit in between them. “I’m Bridgett. And you’re Nick, right? Jeff’s prince?”

Nick couldn’t help himself but to grin at that. “Yeah,” he said with a nod.

“You’re just as handsome as I imagined you,” she informed him.

Beyond her, Jeff was blushing as much as Nick was sure he himself was.

Letting himself laugh it off, Nick nodded. “Thank you,” he said.

“You’re welcome,” she said. She reached over towards him, pointing at his left hand. “Can I see the ring?”

Nick let out a soft laugh, nodding and picking up his hand and holding it out for her to look at.

She certainly wasn’t shy about it, taking his hand in hers and turning it a bit so that she could look at the ring from as many angles as she could. She glanced up at him before looking back at Jeff and nodding in what was apparently approval. “It’s pretty. Nice and sparkly.”

“Thanks,” Jeff said with a soft laugh, smiling at her. “If I’d been around here, you know I would have gotten your input before buying any ring.”

“That’s okay,” she said. “It looks like you got by okay anyways.”

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Jeff’s father’s face had now broken out into a smile, and suddenly it was a lot easier to see how the man fit into the family. Sure, he was definitely still the somewhat intimidating sight that Nick had first seen, but how tickled he was and the clear affection he had for his daughter made his face light up a lot like Jeff’s.

Seeing that he had been spotted, the man moved towards them. He offered a hand to Nick to shake, saying, “Scott Sterling.”

“Nick Duval,” he said in reply, giving the man a smile that he hoped looked confident as he shook his hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“You too,” he said with a small nod. His voice was a bit surprising; there was a definite southern twang to it, something that Nick certainly hadn’t expected out of the man. If anyone in the family looked like they might have been an implant from somewhere in the south, he would have had to guess that it would be Kelly. And even though Jeff had said in the past that his parents were totally on board with him being gay (living in San Francisco, he figured, you kind of had to be), knowing what he did about the typical southern man, Nick felt an added twinge of nervousness. “I’m looking forward to getting to know the man my son is going to marry.”

“Remember, that means Nick is going to be your son, too,” Kelly chimed in helpfully, shooting him a grin that helped Nick to relax a bit more.

“Right,” Jeff’s father said with a soft laugh, rolling his eyes but with genuine fondness. “We’ll get there.”

Nick looked over at Jeff at about the same time that Scott turned to him to greet him as well, though of course with a hug and a pat on the back in place of a handshake, seeing the happiness on his face at the fact that his family was acknowledging the fact that Nick was more than just a boyfriend.

After a bit of friendly chatting about how their travelling had been and what they deemed important things for Jeff to show Nick around the city while they were there, Bridgett got bored and demanded that she be excused along with both Nick and Jeff. She brought them up to her room where they cycled through several games including Uno, Jenga, and Apples to Apples (a game which was notably best played with at least four players).

***

About a week into his stay in California, Nick reached one hard and fast conclusion: the Sterlings were _exhausting_. Were they genuinely kind and likable people? Absolutely. But that did not mean that they weren’t also a lot to take in. They had very nearly packed up and gone camping until they remembered that it was in fact December and it was still cold out at night even if it was significantly warmer out west than it was back in Pennsylvania. There were plenty of things like that that showed how clearly they were Jeff’s family, and showed how it was definitely a good thing that Jeff was willing to let himself be grounded.

Being a wonderful boyfriend and knowing when Nick was feeling a bit overwhelmed, Jeff offered to take him out to spend a day out of the house. They drove around mostly aimlessly, checking out some sites and Jeff pointing out a few places that were more notable to him.

(Bridgett had initially wanted to come along with them and Nick was almost willing to agree to it if for no other reason than to see more of Jeff being absolutely adorable with his kid sister, but Jeff had told her that 1) they needed some “fiancé alone time” and 2) they needed to shop for Christmas and she didn’t want to ruin the surprise, did she?)

Which is how Nick found himself sitting in the parking lot of the tattoo parlor where Jeff had gotten the elephant on his ankle.

“You really don’t have to do this,” Jeff said, shaking his head and leaning over to try and look at the pictures that Nick was looking at on his phone.

“I want to,” he said, shaking his head.

“You’re not the impulsive one,” he said. “I am. Remember?”

Nick just shook his head again, chuckling softly. “I know that it probably looks like it is, but it’s not an impulse. I’ve actually been thinking about this for a while,” he said.

“You don’t need to have a representation of your love for me on your body, I mean, you’ve got a ring on your finger that does the job fine,” Jeff said.

“I know,” he said, chuckling softly as he glanced down at his engagement ring. “But this is different.”

Jeff still looked a bit like he was unconvinced but he nodded anyways. “What were you thinking about getting, anyways?”

“Okay, this is going to sound totally weird and cheesy,” he said with a soft laugh, shaking his head. “But… You know how the first time you proposed to me—”

“Not off to a strong start,” Jeff cut in with a wink, but gestured for him to go on.

“The first time you proposed to me,” he repeated, rolling his eyes fondly, “you talked about penguins, and their cute mating rituals.”

“Gonna get a pebble tattooed on your body?” he asked. “Might I recommend a face pebble?”

“You are literally the meanest person I have ever met,” Nick said with a pout. “I can’t believe I’m marrying you.”

“You love me,” Jeff said with a smile. He reached over and took Nick’s hand, squeezing it as he asked more seriously, “But really, go on. Tell me about your idea.”

“I was just kind of thinking that maybe getting a penguin on my arm would be nice? You know, like… You said you wanted to be penguins with me and that… It sounds really weird saying it out loud, but that kind of resonated with me.”

“I think that was the goal,” he said with a soft laugh. “You know, being that I was saying it to you with the goal of you agreeing to marry me.”

“Okay, you do have a point there,” Nick chuckled, leaning over and kissing him softly. “But the point is, I wanted something that would mean something to me about our relationship.”

“Okay,” he said, nodding and playing idly with Nick’s fingers as he hummed in thought. “I like the idea. But… I don’t know. I’m not sure that I’m sold on the idea of you having a penguin on your arm forever, you know?”

“Is it really that bad?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “I mean, penguins are cute as hell. And look, people have gotten penguin tattoos that look pretty good.”

“That doesn’t really mean a whole lot to me,” Jeff said with a soft laugh, looking down at the phone that was handed to him. “I mean, I’m not saying that you can’t get the penguin or that it wouldn’t look good, but… It’s not the only thing that means something to us.”

“I’ll think about it some more,” Nick said with a small nod.

“No matter what you decide, penguin or no penguin, tattoo or not tattoo, I’ll be right there beside you. I just… I don’t want you to get something and then regret it.”

“Thank you,” he said softly, leaning over and kissing his cheek.

***

The idea to get a tattoo mostly went away, at least until Christmas.

(Christmas, as it seemed to go nowadays, was another one that came and went without much to it. Late at night on Christmas Eve, Jeff whispered to Nick in the dark about how much he missed how magical Christmas had been when he was a kid, and he had been just _so sure_ that having his first holiday season with his fiancé would bring back that magic, but it didn’t feel like it had. Nick swore to himself right then and there that he would make every Christmas from there on out as special as he could for him.)

One of the gifts that Jeff received was a book of poetry from various poets. After all the gifts were unwrapped and Scott was taking a nap and Kelly was already busy at work making dinner (and refusing help) and Bridgett was off playing with her toys, Nick and Jeff curled up together and Jeff read to him from it.

Nick is practically falling asleep with the soothing sound of Jeff’s voice in his ear, a smile resting on his lips. “There’s a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out, but I’m too clever,” he was reading softly. “I only let him out at night sometimes when everybody’s asleep.”

When he was finished reading it, Nick turned his head to look up at him. “I liked that one,” he said.

“Yeah?” Jeff asked. “It was Charles Bukowski.”

“Never heard of him,” he said.

“He’s one of my favorite poets,” he said with a small smile, kissing his cheek.

Nick smiled up at him, nudging him. “Hey. Read it again.”

And so he did, and this time Nick paid more attention to all of it. When it was over again, he looked back up at Jeff. “That’s it.”

“What’s what?” Jeff asked, furrowing his brow.

“My tattoo,” he said. “That poem. Or, I mean, something from it.”

“You’re doing the rushing into it thing again.”

“No, I’ve been thinking about the idea of a tattoo in general for a while,” he said, nudging him. “And you know what? That poem. I like it.”

“I like it, too,” Jeff said with a small nod, shrugging slightly.

“Exactly,” he said. “One of your favorite poets, the first poem you read for me by him, a really great metaphor… It’s perfect.”

“I mean… Hm. Yeah. I guess I like it,” he said with a small nod. “So… I guess the question becomes, what are you thinking about in terms of what you’ll literally have on your skin?”

“I’m not really sure,” he said with a small shrug. “Like, part of me likes the idea of getting a line from it tattooed, but maybe a picture of a bluebird?”

“Both are good options,” Jeff said, nodding. He grabbed his phone and started typing, then turned it around to show Nick. On the screen was a Google search of other people who had also gotten tattoos from the same poem. For a moment the sheer number of results that had popped up made him want to reconsider the idea, but he reminded himself that it didn’t matter how many other people had a similar tattoo as long as _he_ liked it.

“Most of these are girls,” he commented with a soft chuckle. “In places I can’t pull off.”

“You totally could pull any of these off,” Jeff said with a small shrug, taking the phone back for a moment so that he could look for a moment. “And the reason that it’s mostly girls is because, as a whole, girls get tattoos of poems more. Guys get, like, I don’t know. Sports teams and tribal tattoos and tributes to dead friends and family. Not that that’s a problem, just, you know, girls are typically more artsy and I like that more.”

“So what you’re saying is that you like me because I’m kind of like a girl?” he teased.

“Says the guy who was apparently totally straight until he just so happened to fall in love with a man,” he said with a laugh, nudging him. “But anyways, no, I like you because you’ve got a really cool soul.”

“That was quite possibly the least poetic way you could have phrased that,” he said, chuckling.

“I try sometimes, but this time I didn’t,” he grinned. “You’ve got a cool soul, and I stand by that.”

Nick nodded, rolling his eyes fondly. “You’re the best.”

“Oh, I know,” he said. “But anyways, tattoo.”

“Right, tattoo,” he said with a small nod. “So, you have a tattoo already, so, any sage advice?”

“Mm, I don’t know,” Jeff said with a soft laugh. “I mean, obviously you want it somewhere that you can cover up. So nothing on the face, alright?”

“Damn,” he said, snapping. “I was really hoping to get something on my face. It would make me look dangerous.”

“Honey, you couldn’t look dangerous if you were actively harming people,” he said. “And not just because you’re kind of squeamish.”

“Not as squeamish as you,” he said.

Jeff chuckled, shaking his head. “We’re not talking about me,” he said. “Besides, I’ve gone camping and survived, and you haven’t. So. I totally win.”

“I’m not even going to start on how wrong you are,” he said. “But anyways, not the face.”

“Right, yeah, no face tattooing. And obviously, anywhere that is less fleshy is going to be more painful. So, you know, my squeamish fiancé, I might recommend not getting a foot tattoo.”

“You’re squashing all of my dreams, one by one,” Nick said with a soft laugh.

“There are plenty of places that you could still get inked that would be pretty cool,” he said with a shrug. He pushed Nick to lay on his back, hovering over him and looking down at him. “Like…” He leaned down, starting to press kisses over Nick’s skin, his shoulder, his arm, his chest, his hips, working down his body and nudging fabric out of the way where he needed to.

Nick felt goosebumps popping up over his skin at the feather light presses of lip to skin, smiling back at Jeff when he sat back up.

“See?” he said with a grin. “Plenty of places.”

“But,” Nick said, grinning back at him and reaching for his arm to pull him down. “There are also so many places on my body that I shouldn’t tattoo that feel neglected now, and we can talk about this more later.”

Jeff laughed softly, rolling his eyes fondly. “Okay,” he said as he leaned down to kiss him. “But remember the rule.”

“I know, I know. No sex with your kid sister on the other side of the wall. But we went a long time without having sex and were just as gratified,” he said.

“Too true,” he said, chuckling softly. “I’ll give you that.”

“Mhm, I know,” he said, leaning up and kissing him again.

***

“I made you an appointment,” Jeff said a few mornings later as the two of them sat on the porch drinking coffee and watching cars go by. Tucker was laying on the ground in front of them, while Daisy had pushed her way up onto Jeff’s lap, never having got the memo that she was a golden retriever and hence not a lap dog.

“What?” Nick asked, looking up from his coffee – served in a mug that said ‘good morning, gorgeous’ on the side, part of his Christmas gift from Jeff.

“At the tattoo parlour,” he said. “Normally they’re kind of booked up, but the owner and I are kind of friends, so—”

“Wait,” Nick said with a laugh. “The other day when we were actually there, they were probably full. You were counting on me not going through with it. Weren’t you?”

“In all fairness, I probably could have gotten you in anyways, like I said, friends with the owner. It’s just much more polite to schedule yourself in instead,” he said, shrugging. “But okay, yes, I knew you weren’t going to do it. But it’s not like that’s a bad thing, I mean, I know that you’re more of a planner than I am and I knew that if you rushed into anything you’d regret it later.”

Nick couldn’t really bring himself to fight that one. “Mm, I guess you’re right,” he said.

“Of course I am,” he said with a grin. “I know you better than you know yourself.”

“That might be a stretch,” he said, shaking his head.

“Totally not a stretch,” he said. “I know every last fiber of your being. And okay, sure, maybe I don’t know exact details about a lot of things in your past but if you ask me, that’s less important in knowing who you are. Complete and utter fact, I know you better than you know yourself.”

“It’s too early to get this deep,” Nick said with a soft laugh, dropping his head to lay on Jeff’s shoulder.

“Just keeping it real,” he said, reaching down and petting Daisy’s head. “Anyways, we’re going over at noon. I told Paul about what you were looking at doing.”

“Paul?” he repeated. “That doesn’t sound very… tattoo-y.”

“I guess,” he said with a shrug. “But he’s really good at what he does, so I’m not too worried about what his name is.”

“Alright,” he said with a soft laugh, nodding. “I trust you. We’ll go see Paul the tattoo guy.”

***

Part of him wasn’t really convinced that he was going to get a tattoo that day. Maybe, you know, it would be like a consultation sort of thing where they talked logistics and pricing and everything. That was a thing that happened, wasn’t it?

Though Nick never would have said it out loud to Jeff, he was second guessing his decision over and over until it was actually happening. And here he was, sitting there watching a man named Paul (who, in addition to having a name that sounded wrong for his profession, also looked nothing like the typical picture of an artist of _any_ kind; the closest comparison Nick could make would be something like a more competent Garry/Jerry/Larry from Parks and Recreation) put a bird on his leg.

He had decided to get the bluebird as well as the line “there’s a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out” above it (though Jeff had told him to start with whatever part he wanted more in case the pain was too much for him, as well as saying that they could come back and do this in as many parts as necessary if Nick needed breaks) in a similar location to where Jeff had his own tattoo on his midcalf, partially because of the convenience of being able to hide it easier there.

Speaking of the pain, though, it wasn’t _that_ bad. He had imagined it hurting a lot more than it actually did, though it might help that Jeff was keeping him distracted playing with his hand and chattering away happily.

“It’s almost New Year’s Eve,” he was saying, glancing down every now and again to see the progress being made.

“Yeah,” he said, nodding. “Got big plans?”

“I guess you could say plans,” he said with a shrug. “I mean, I don’t know that I’d call them big plans.”

“Average size plans, then?” he asked with a soft chuckle.

“That sounds about right,” Jeff said, nodding.

Nick looked at him, raising an eyebrow. “No hints?” he asked.

“Nope,” he said. “Or, well, okay. Just to be clear, we’re not, like, going to a huge party or a rave or something like that. I mean, unless you really want to. I could find something, I mean, I know people who are into that scene so I could—”

“Let him decide if he wants to or not, Jeffers,” Paul inserted with a fond shake of his head, glancing up at them for a second. “Rambling.”

“Right, yeah, my bad,” he said, chuckling and rubbing the back of his neck.

“I’m pretty impressed that you’ve found someone who is willing to put up with your endless ability to ramble.”

Before Jeff could say anything, Nick said with a smile, “I think that it’s pretty cute.”

Jeff smiled at him, bringing his hand up to give it a quick kiss.

“But anyways, yeah, no, I’m not too huge on partying, so I don’t mind,” he said.

“Alright, great,” he said. “Because I do think that you’ll really like what I have in mind.”

“Here’s to hoping,” he teased, giving him a smile.

“Have I ever lead you astray thus far?” Jeff said with a grin.

“Mm, not really,” he said.

They managed to get through the tattoo in one sitting with the help of several breaks and lighthearted chatter all the way through, making Nick lose track of how long exactly the process took. At the end of it he looked down at the tattoo all wrapped up in cling wrap, nodding in approval.

“I like it,” he said, glancing back up to look at Jeff and then Paul. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” he said with a nod. “And hey, you did a whole lot better than your boyfriend did. Cried the whole time.”

“Did you now?” he asked with a grin as he turned to look at Jeff.

“I can neither confirm nor deny that,” he chuckled. “Now come on, I’m hungry, let’s go get some food.”

“Don’t think you’re getting off the hook that easy,” he said with a laugh.

“Oh, I know, but I hope that I can distract you long enough that you might forget,” he said.

“Never.”

***

A couple days later brought New Year’s Eve and, finally, the reveal as to what it was that Jeff had planned. All that Nick knew was that as they went out to the car to leave for wherever they were going to be ringing in the new year, Jeff pulled a blanket out of a closet and tossed it in the back seat. It was a hint, sure, but at the same time it absolutely wasn’t. There were plenty of things that could require a blanket. Would they be sitting in the back seat? Would they be laying the blanket down somewhere? The presence of the blanket, he decided, raised as many questions as it answered.

Jeff drove for a while, all the while completely ignoring any of Nick’s attempts to ask what it was that they were doing.

“You know, this is kind of reminiscent of earlier on in this whole mess when you decided it would be a great idea to just drive across the country,” Nick said.

“And it was,” he said with a grin. “Tell me you didn’t have a blast.”

“We committed grand theft goat.”

“I repeat, Nick, tell me you didn’t have a blast.”

“Okay, fine, I had lots of fun,” he said, rolling his eyes fondly at him.

“Yeah, I know you did,” he chuckled. “Which is why I don’t see why you should be worried.”

“I’m not worried, I’m just curious,” Nick said.

“Embrace the inherent chaos of the universe, my love,” he said with a grin. “No one is sure what is going to happen next, but at least in this case you know that it can’t be that bad.”

“That got dark,” he chuckled.

“Such is life,” he said. “And also, besides, we’re almost there. Like, if you were to launch into a speech about why you so deserve to know what we’re doing, you would probably be interrupted by what we are doing.”

“Alright,” he said with a sigh, resigning himself to silence until they got where they were going.

Jeff slightly exaggerated how close they were (or overestimated how much of a speech Nick would be willing to give), though it couldn’t have been longer than fifteen minutes or so until Jeff stopped the car and parked. “So anyways, I’ve been coming here for New Year’s for a few years now,” he said as they got out of the car, going around  Last year I brought some friends, they got drunk and the next day was pretty terrible. So we’re playing it safe now. No alcohol. No friends. Just my fiancé.”

“Though, meeting your friends eventually would probably be a good thing,” he said, nudging him with his elbow.

“Sure, sure,” he said with a small nod, busying himself with pulling the jackets that they had tossed back there at some point out and handing one of them to Nick. “At some point. We’ll get there.”

There was something a little bit off about his answer, something weirdly uneasy about it, and based on what Nick already knew about Jeff’s friends (which wasn’t a whole lot aside from what he had just said moments ago, which also spoke volumes, Nick figured), he could make some leaps, and he wasn’t going to push it.

Nick followed after Jeff as he walked, leading them out onto a beach. It was dark out and quiet except for the crashing of the waves on the shore. There were a few people around, but it was empty enough around them that nobody had to really pay each other much mind.

“In the middle of the summer, and especially during the day, of course, this place would be so full of people it wouldn’t even be fun,” Jeff said, looking around as he walked and eventually picking a place to lay the blanket out. “But now it’s pretty cold out.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s still in, like, the fifties,” he chuckled.

“It’s California, we don’t exactly get blizzards,” he chuckled. “So you can take your Pennsylvania winter smugness and get outta here.”

Nick laughed softly, leaning over and kissing his cheek. “I’m just saying.”

“And I am, too,” he said. “This is how it is. And I’m going to guarantee you’re going to put that jacket on. Especially with the sea breeze, you know, makes it a bit chillier.”

“Still above freezing,” he grinned.

“Oh, shut up, you,” he chuckled, sitting down on the blanket and grabbing Nick’s arm to pull him down with him. He shifted so that Nick could sit between his legs with his back rested against his chest. “I’m perfectly aware of the temperature.”

“Just checking,” Nick said with a smile, turning his head back to press a kiss to Jeff’s lips.

They sat there in silence for a while, Jeff’s hands idly playing with Nick’s as they watched the waves crashing against the shore. Jeff nuzzled gently at his neck, occasionally pressing a few soft kisses to his skin.

The night crept on with just a bit of small talk between them, leaving Nick room to think about the year he’d had. Everything about where he was now and what he was doing was completely different from a year ago, and he was fairly certain that he had never been happier because of it. With Jeff, everything was absolutely right in a way that he would never be able to put words to, a way that he couldn’t believe he had confused what he had felt for Natalie to be.

But beyond just being with Jeff – though he would be lying if he tried to say that their friendship and subsequent relationship played anything but a huge role in shaping his current life – everything was better. It wasn’t like he had been doing badly at college; no, the fall semester had been fine and he had had grades that were just fine, but it was… Too soon for him, he figured. He knew of a few people that had taken gap years and he had heard their justifications for it (hell, apparently studies even showed that people who took gap years were just as successful, if not more so, than those who had gone straight out of high school to college) and he figured that maybe that was the right thing for him to do. Sure, he was taking a bit longer off than lots of people, but he was just trying to get his life figured out, and when he did, he would still have those credit hours from before.

But that was always where the train of thought ended. He had spent plenty of time now living in a state of transition; he had no idea what was coming next and he hadn’t for a while now. And he was okay with that, except that there was this big huge stop sign in his way whenever he tried to figure out what came next. He was a planner, after all, and well… All he really knew was that whatever came next, he wanted, _needed_ for Jeff to be a part of it. Was Jeff ever going to want to go to college? Where were they going to live? They were somewhat planning a wedding, but when was that even going to be, and where, and how were they going to get both their families together?

He turned to look at Jeff, and again the quiet voice in the back of his mind wondered if Jeff had any of the same thoughts. “What’re you thinking about?” he asked softly.

“New Year’s resolutions,” Jeff answered. “Obviously.”

“Yeah?” he asked, giving him a small smile though part of him had kind of been hoping illogically that some sort of telepathic connection had been made and Jeff was thinking about their future, too. “What are they?”

“I think I’ve got three,” he said. “One, get my fiancé to eat healthier.”

“Hey!” he protested, chuckling. “I eat perfectly well, thank you. And aren’t New Year’s resolutions supposed to be, you know, about yourself?”

“Yeah, they are. But I already eat well, and guess what, I’m making an investment with you. I gotta make sure it pays off,” he chuckled.

Nick rolled his eyes fondly, but nodded. “Okay,” he said. “What are the other two?”

“The second one is… Okay, actually, you know what, I don’t know if these, like, count as resolutions. But they are things that I want to make sure happen in the next year.”

“Then I’d say that that counts,” he chuckled.

“Okay, cool,” he said. “So, the second one is, of course, to marry the love of my life.”

“That’s a good one,” he said with a smile, unable to help himself but to give him a kiss.

“Summer or fall,” he said. “No later. Gotta pin your last name onto mine and start getting benefits from loving you.”

“You already benefit from loving me, god,” he chuckled.

“Government benefits, you ass,” he said with a laugh, squeezing him. “I’m just so excited to file my taxes jointly with you.”

“Oh my god,” he replied through a laugh, shaking his head. “That’s what you’re going for? Taxes?”

“Duh,” he said. “That shit’s important. And less dark than, you know, the whole medical decisions thing. And I think it’s slightly sexier than insurance.”

“I think insurance is totally sexier than taxes,” he said.

“I’m just going to let you sit there and be wrong,” Jeff chuckled.

“Alright, fine,” he said with a smile. “Moving on, what’s the third thing?”

“Move in with you,” he said. “Like, for real. We are going to find a place and make it ours and we’re going to live there and get jobs and whatever. Like a real couple.”

Nick couldn’t help how his smile grew at that, even though he knew that it was a logical thing to think.

“I was thinking maybe Chicago or something,” he went on.

“Chicago?” Nick asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, Chicago,” he said. “It’s... I know it sounds kind of weird. But the thing is, if we live anywhere on the west, it’ll be unfair to you, and vice versa if we were to live in the east—”

“I don’t care about fair, Jeff, it’s not a big deal if we’re closer to your family or mine.”

“I know that it’s not, but it still… If we live more centrally located, yes, we will have to make more of an effort to see both of our families, but less than it would be to go to the one on the other side of the country. Besides, you have been the most amazing adventure of my life, and moving to a big city and taking it on with you... That would be a pretty big adventure, right?”

“You’ve got a point there,” Nick said with a small nod.

“Obviously we don’t have to make the decision right here and now, it’s just… Something to think about,” he said, giving him a smile.

“Okay,” he said with a nod.

“So, what about you?” he asked, nudging him lightly. “Got any resolutions of you own?”

“I think I like yours pretty well,” he chuckled. “But I don’t know, really. I only made one last year, and that didn’t turn out so great.”

“Everyone gives up on the weight loss resolution, don’t feel bad,” he chuckled.

“Ha ha. But really, it was about Natalie,” he said.

“Ah,” Jeff said, nodding slowly though there was a flicker of something across his face that Nick couldn’t really place. Part of him wanted to call it jealously, though Jeff was the most laid back person he had ever met, besides the fact that Jeff had absolutely no reason to be jealous. Either way,  it was kind of cute. “But hey, you’re a year older and a year wiser.  Also a year gayer. God bless.”

“How do you measure gayness in years?” he chuckled.

“I don’t know, but I just did,” he said with a laugh, kissing his cheek.

Nick just rolled his eyes fondly, kissing his cheek. “You’re dumb.”

“But you love me.”

“I do, I do.”

The countdown started not much later, some people on the beach getting to their feet and hooting and hollering as they counted down to the new year. When they reached zero Jeff grabbed Nick’s shoulders to turn him around, giving him a slow kiss. “Happy New Year, Nick,” he said softly.

“Happy New Year, Jeff,” he said back, kissing him again softly.

Across the skyline there were fireworks going off, and they both looked up to take in the sight. With Jeff beside him humming Auld Lang Syne, Nick was fairly sure that he had never felt so completely _right_ before in his life. If this year had been good to him, he was promising now that every year after would be even better.


End file.
